1. Pilot (第1季)【完整台词】

Morty, you got to come on.

- You got to come with me.

- Rick, what's going on? I got a surprise for you, Morty.

It's the middle of the night.

What are you talking about? I got a surprise for you.

Ow! Ow! You're tugging me too hard.

I got a surprise for you, Morty.

What do you think of this flying vehicle, Morty? I built it out of stuff I found in the garage.

Yeah, Rick, it's great.

- Is this the surprise? - Morty, I had to I had to I had to I had to make a bomb, Morty.

- I had to create a bomb.

- What?! A bomb?! We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty.

- Create a whole fresh start.

- T-t-that's absolutely crazy! Come on, Morty.

Just take it easy, Morty.

It's gonna be good.

Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica.

Jessica? From my math class? When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know I want you to have the thing I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam.

And Jessica's gonna be Eve, and so that's the surprise, Morty.

No, you can't! Jessica doesn't even know I exist.

But but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity.

I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty.

Listen, I'm not you don't you don't got to worry about me trying to fool around with with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything.

I'm I'm not that kind of guy, Morty.

What are you talking about, Rick? You you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything.

She she she she she's all for you, Morty.

I don't care about Jessica! You know what, Morty? You're right.

Let's forget the girl all together.

She she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways.

Arming neutrino bomb.

That's it that's it, Rick.

I'm taking the wheel.

Get off of me, Morty! I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy.

What's gotten into you? I'm I'm I'm I'm not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb What are you, crazy? person and just let you blow up the whole world.

All right, all right.

I'll I'll land.

I'll land.

I'll land.

I'll land the thing.

Big tough guy all of a sudden.

We'll park it right here, Morty.

Right here on the side of the road here.

Oh, thank God.

You know what? That was all a test, Morty.

Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive.

It was? Sure.

Why not? I don't know.

You you know what, mo- Neutrino bomb armed.

Um Corrections by XhmikosR I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight.

Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer? Oh, my God.

His head is in his food.

- I'm going to puke.

- Morty, are you getting sick? I told you not to practice-kiss the living-room pillow.

The dog sleeps on it.

I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom.

I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something.

Or maybe you were out all night again with grandpa Rick.

- What?! - Dad? What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time? Damn it! - Jerry! - Beth! Oh, my God.

My parents are so loud.

I want to die.

Mm, there is no God, summer.

You got to rip that band-aid off now.

You'll thank me later.

Okay, with all due respect, Rick What am I talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole? Listen, Jerry, I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything.

It's your house.

It's your world.

You're a real Julius Caesar.

But I'll tell you some tell you how how I feel about school, Jerry.

It's a waste of time a bunch of people running around, bumping into each other.

G-guy up front says, "two plus two.

" The people in the back say, "four.

" Then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something.

I mean, it's it's not a place for smart people, Jerry.

And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue.

This was a good breakfast, Beth.

You really made the crap out of those eggs.

I wish your mother was here to eat them.

Oh, dad.

What? For real? All right, now, everybody get settled.

Get away from the windows! Now, look, we're gonna be dealing with some real serious stuff today.

You might have heard of it.

It's called math.

And without it, none of us would even exist, so let's jump right in.

- Two plus two.

- Jessica.

Five plus five.

Tenssica.

Okay, good.

It's time for the quiz.

Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one.

Pass it back for me.

The stakes are high in this room.

There's crucial things happening here every day.

People getting smarter.

Some of y'all getting dumber.

Some of y'all ain't gonna see 3:00.

Hi, Morty.

Whoa! Hi, Jessica.

Can I show these to you? Wow.