2. Three Robots (第1季)【完整台词】

1 Uh we are fucking lost, aren't we? Lost? Okay, that's rich.

Let's see, we just passed the ravaged church.

There is the blood pit.

This way.

Here we go.

Breathtaking.

It's more beautiful than the brochures.

Come on.

Giddy up, guys! We've got so much to see.

You've seen one post-apocalyptic city, you've seen 'em all.

You're looking good, girl.

Say "terabyte".

Go, team.

Hey, guys, stop goofing around and check this out.

Behold the entertainment sphere! It's called a ball.

I know it's called a ball, but I'm trying to get into the whole "we're experiencing these human things for the first time" vibe.

And what did humans do with these things? Oh, man, what didn't they do? They'd bounce them.

- That's it? - Yeah.

That's pretty much it.

These were humans.

Bouncing things was close to maxing out their cognitive range.

No, but also sometimes they would take the ball and hit it with, like, a stick.

What? When they misbehaved? Bad ball.

Think about what you've done.

Come on, here.

Try.

What the hell am I supposed to do with this thing? You know, boing-boing.

No way.

Stop being a whiny pussy and fucking bounce it.

- Please.

- Jeez, calm down your motherboard.

- Okay.

- Oh, man, this is so exciting.

Oh! That was amazing! How was it for you? Tell me everything.

It was pretty anticlimactic.

Yeah, well, welcome to humans.

Show me what you've got, big boy.

Oh, won't you help pick up the pieces Of a broken heart Now, I'm not certain, but my understanding is that they would shove these into their intake orifices to generate power.

Why would you need an entire orifice for that? Who knows? They had all sorts of orifices.

Things were coming in, things were going out.

It was crazy! I mean, I have a fusion battery for power.

We all have fusion batteries, dummy.

That's my point.

What more do you need, right? So, let me get this straight.

They would shove these into their intake orifice, and then what? Somebody help me out here.

Their intake orifices had rocky pegs that would crush them into paste, and then the paste would be forced into an internal vat of acid.

Well, of course.

That makes perfect sense.

They could have just dumped this thing into an exterior vat of acid to begin with and then they wouldn't need the rocky pegs.

I mean, duh! Expecting logic from beings who have internal vats of acid - is a little much.

- It's crazy.

Who even designed them? It's unclear.

We checked their code - no creator signature.

That's because they were made by an unfathomable deity that created them for no apparent reason, out of dust.

Just kidding.

They came from a very warm soup.

Sorry for the wait, champ.

# And then somebody new set the # What's the point of this thing? Apparently, there's no point.

They just had them.

Well, that's underselling their influence.

They had an entire network that was devoted to dissemination of pictures of these things.

Oh, look, it's doing something.

It's coming this way.

What the fuck does it think it's doing? - Dude, what do I do? - Okay, easy.

No sudden moves.

Let's just wait until it decides to get up again, okay, bud? - We're gonna get through this.

- How long will that take? Hours.

Perhaps years.

I don't have hours or perhaps years for this.

What if you try to irritate it by moving your digits across its keratinous fibers? - Maybe that'll make it move.

- What? Why? - I don't know.

It couldn't hurt.

- You don't have any idea, do you? I do not.

It is my first time seeing one of these live! Hey, just try it, though.

Okay, fine.

Is it working? - Uhh - What? There's a strange, rhythmic kind of noise that's emanating from it now.

- Uh-oh.

- What do you mean, "uh-oh?" I don't want you to panic or anything, but I think you've activated it.

What does that mean? As I said, I am no expert, but if the noise ever stops, it's gonna explode on you.

It is not.

Is it? Cursory historical research shows that humans had a card game called Exploding Kittens.

So, yes, this checks out.

- Oh, you're gonna die now.

Bummer.

- What? Why did humans even consort with these hairy murder machines? - Kindred spirits? - Also checks out.

No, seriously.

Now what? Say "terabyte".

Wait, it's called what now? It's an X Bot Three, an early computer entertainment system for humans.

- Any relation? - To me? Come on.

No way.

You sure? 'Cause numerically, it suggests that this is your ancestor maybe a few thousand generations back.

Numerically, I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

We are robots.

We don't do coincidence.

Go on, call it Daddy.

- Okay, stop.

Just stop.

- Or Mommy.

Either is equally applicable in as much as we don't have genitalia.

Do you have an off button? Son, you're skin and bones.