Well, we split up.
When you spend your life working for a goal it's tough to give it up just like that.
Impossible.
So we went our separate ways and.
-It was the worst time of my life.
-Me too.
See, we didn't disagree about anything.
It got so at one point, my lawyer got up in court and he blurted out, "Why don't you save everybody a lot of trouble and stay married?" Well, we looked at each other and realized at once that.
How stupid we'd been.
-As well as what was really important.
-And the divorce never went through.
Thank God.
All right.
All right, well, then explain who this babe is.
Well, this babe is Petula Clark.
She was a popular singer in the '60s.
And I was a member of her fan club.
Okay, president.
For a very short time, okay? See, I told you there was nothing to worry about.
Why didn't you tell us this before? We weren't trying to keep it a secret on purpose.
It's just that we were waiting for you to be old enough.
And then by the time you were, then Ben came along.
After a while it seemed the whole thing was ancient history.
It really didn't matter at all.
What matters is how much we love each other and you, each of you, every day of the last 17 years.
I like to think it's because we came so close to making a mistake like that that the last 17 have been so good.
It made us learn the fine art of compromise.
And we care enough to give each other a little room and the right to his own point of view.
Like I said at the wedding you're the only woman I ever wanted to marry.
-So the toast wasn't a lie.
-No.
So you guys split up just to get it out of the way? Well, I couldn't have said it any better myself, Ben.
Wow.
I'm gonna have a family history that's gonna make Stinky Sullivan smell.
Well.
I just think that that is the most beautiful most romantic thing I have ever heard.
God bless you.
Look, I told them they were getting carried away.
Sure.
And I speak for all of us when I say that I am really glad you guys got back together when you did.
Oh, that's so sweet, Mike.
I mean, if you had waited one more year, I'd have been Carol.
Maria Flagenhoffer.
-Excuse me? -Yeah, I just remembered.
Maria Flagenhoffer.
That's who gave me the pantyhose.
She's a proctologist now.
-Fine.
-Heh, heh.
Honey, I'm not jealous.
Well, all right, I just wanted you to know where I got them, you know, just in case.
It's a pretty good story though.
I don't care.
-No? -No.
Particularly when I see that she was a bit thick in the thigh.
No, no, no, not Maria.
No, she was.
She was maybe 15 to 18 pounds overweight.
What am I saying? Twenty-five pounds if she was lucky.
Jason, what's past is past.
Good.
Yes.
From the look of her picture, she looks like a nice person.
Oh, yeah.
She was, yeah.
-Fun lady, I'd guess.
-Oh, yeah.
She had a great sense of humor.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah, she loved to laugh.
And you gave her plenty to laugh at, I'll bet.
-Oh, Maggie.
-Oh, you've got a lot of nerve.
Maggie.
Maggie.
Oh, come on, she was 35 pounds overweight.
-Sure.
-She was a total pig.
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