I bet right on this street.
Maybe they come over here when we're at school.
And wear our clothes.
And play with our stuff.
That's why my room gets so messed up.
You're crazy.
And, Mike, you're worse.
I mean, I can't even believe that I'm related to.
That's it.
It all makes sense.
It's true.
What? Dad did have kids with his first wife.
At least one.
And when they split, he kept that child and when he met Mom they swore an oath never to tell him that he was the painfully slow half-brother of me and Ben.
So who is it? Oh, all right.
All right, I got it.
-Ah.
Ah-ha.
Look at this.
-What did you find? It's a picture of Dad's first wife.
Let me see.
Well, how do you know that's his first wife? It's the only woman's picture we've found after an hour of looking.
-So? -So? Look at this, it's even signed.
"To my dear Jason.
I know a place.
Love, Petula.
" Wow.
You sure don't look like your mother.
Okay, I just say we've gotta find out more about this woman.
Where else do we look? Well, you know, if I were Dad and I wanted to hide the mementos of some tragic mistake I know where I'd stash them.
Where? What's the one room in this house that we're not allowed to hang out in? Their bedroom? The other one.
Not Dad's office.
Well, I guess we know who the smart one in the family is now.
Hi.
Yeah, I guess we do know who the smart one in the family is.
Thanks, but I haven't found anything yet.
Most of these are Dad's patient files and they're locked.
Oh, Ben, you're getting peanut butter all over Dad's stuff.
So I'll lick it off.
Ben, why are you eating that, anyway? When I get bummed, I get hungry.
Well, I don't want any part of this, because it's wrong, okay? I'm gonna go ransack their bedroom.
You know, Mike, I've been thinking, I don't think Dad ever did get divorced.
-No? -I think that book was all a big joke.
I mean, the people who gave it to him were all doctors.
You know what nutty guys they are.
But I found a picture of his first wife.
And get this, her name is Petula and she had a fake mole painted on her face.
-No.
-Yeah, I've seen it.
I need another sandwich.
-Hey, hey, hey, what's this? -What? -Oh, no.
-What? -Carol, look what we found.
-What? Another stupid wife.
CAROL: You don't know this woman was married to Dad.
-Then why did he hide it? -I don't know.
I'm just saying I don't wanna jump to conclusions without a complete search.
Please, Carol, stop looking before you find any more wives.
CAROL: Mike, help me down with this box.
MIKE: Yeah.
Where'd Dad get all these clothes? What's he doing with all these sweater vests? He probably gets Father's Day presents from his hundreds of other kids too.
-Hey, look at this.
-What? "My first issue.
" Hey, this was when Mom started working at Newsweek.
Wow.
She saved this from 1969.
Mom saves everything.
Cards, letters, Mike's first C.
Guys, guys, there's something very strange about this.
The year, 1969.
That was the year Dad supposedly did his internship in Phoenix.
-So? -So? The second year of Mom and Dad's marriage.
The year they lived in a trailer park and ate beans all the time.
So what? So how could Mom be in New York working for Newsweek and be in Phoenix eating beans at the same time, hm? I need another sandwich.
What else is in here? Just the usual stuff: baby pictures, crushed flowers, a charm bracelet.
An old letter to Mom.
Read it.
-No, we shouldn't.
-Come on.
It's from Grandpa Ed.
"Dear Margaret Kathryn.
In all the confusion of the past few weeks I haven't found the time to tell you that your mom and I love you very much.
There's no reason to lose heart just because that ex-husband of yours turned out to be a lunkhead.
" So that means Mom was divorced too.
Wow.
Good thing Ben wasn't in here.
He'd be eating the furniture.
[BELCHES] Hi, guys.
ALL: Hi.
-Where's Dad? -Oh, we split up.
-For the afternoon.
-Oh.
He dropped me off and went for a haircut.
[SCREAMS] -Hi, honey.
-Hi.
-Oh, I thought you were getting a haircut.
-I did.
It doesn't look like it.
Of course it doesn't.
That's why they charge so much.
Where are the kids? Well, they're all sitting side-by-side on the couch.
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