19. 185980 - The Awful Truth (第2季)【完整台词】

Okay, we'll be back after lunch.

You have the number of the restaurant.

Don't worry, if Ben and Carol act up, I'll slap them around a little bit.

-Just kidding, Dad.

-Let's go, honey.

Ben, we're leaving.

Oh, he's over at Stinky Sullivan's playing Rambo.

It's too chilly for him to be shooting people without a shirt.

Honey, we could cancel our romantic luncheon and track down our little commando.

Or we could simply let our most trustworthy and reliable child take Ben a shirt.

Okay, okay, I'll do it.

-Okay, have fun, guys.

CAROL: Bye, see you later.

JASON: Bye-bye.

MIKE: Bye-bye.

Oh, I thought they'd never leave.

You said you were gonna take Ben a shirt.

I also said I was gonna slap you around.

Yo.

Ben, put on a shirt.

-Where's Mom and Dad? -They're gone.

Gone? The first Saturday of every month, they always go out for their lunch deal.

Yeah, but I need their help with a school project.

By Monday, I'm supposed to have a history of our family done.

Maybe you shouldn't have been playing with Stinky Sullivan all morning.

Hey, what could I do? I was a POW.

So welcome home.

Now get out.

Can you guys help me? I mean, this history has to be good.

Half the kids in my class have really neat histories with divorces, tragedies, family disasters.

How lucky, you've got Mike.

There's an old family bible down here.

It tells everything.

Births, marriages, family geniuses.

Stinky Sullivan has a great family history.

He's even got an uncle who was thrown out of three countries.

This is full of Dad's old stuff from his college days.

Wow! The '60s were a very strange time, Ben.

If I can find the date Dad wore these I'm gonna have a family history that leaves Stinky's in the dust.

The family records have to be around here somewhere.

-This looks interesting.

-What? "The Single Dude's Guide to the Swinging '60s.

Sure-fire tips on how to get chicks into--" Ben, you're not a single dude.

What, and you are? Ben, this isn't for your eyes.

"To Jason, from the other interns.

We thought this might come in handy now that you're divorced.

" So I've got a divorce for my family history.

I guess.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

Oh, no! [BEN SCREAMS] Divorced? -Boy.

-Yeah.

Ever since he started punishing me, I've had my doubts about the man.

Now, hold it, okay? This could be a mistake.

I just can't believe this about our wonderful dad.

-Come on, Carol, the evidence is right here.

-Yeah.

Well, it could be a big mistake.

-Carol, it's obvious.

-Yeah.

-What's obvious? -That Dad's divorced.

You know, we're living a lie.

You know, I wouldn't be a bit surprised if Dad wasn't his real name.

I just-- I can't believe this.

Especially after all the times that he's told us about their huge wedding.

And how Grandpa Ed fainted when he got the bill.

And how it was the happiest day of Mom's life.

And how Dad toasted her and said she was BOTH: the only woman he ever wanted to marry.

Yeah.

I mean, if he lied about this, then-- Well, we don't know that he lied.

He just didn't tell us.

-Same thing.

-Not exactly.

Well, it was a lie last year when I cut school and didn't tell him.

No, no.

See, that was different.

See, when they asked you how school was, you said, "Extremely pleasant.

" -Which it was.

-No, it wasn't.

-It was too.

-Wasn't.

-Was.

-Wasn't.

What's your point? My point is, if Dad kept this divorce such a big secret then what else didn't he tell us? How do we know that what he did tell us is the truth? I mean, we already know the wedding toast was a lie.

So how well do we really know this man? I've known him since I was a kid.

-Mike, you're getting carried away.

-Oh, I am, huh? Well, listen to this.

I think that if he was married before that probably means he had another wife.

Brilliant.

And if he had another wife, it probably means he had other kids.

Oh, no.

And I wouldn't be a bit surprised if they're living somewhere on Long Island.

-Dad wouldn't wanna live far from his kids.

-What kids? The ones he goes and visits when he says he's gonna get a haircut.

Ben.

Nobody gets a haircut as often as Dad.

This is true.

-Mike.

-I got it.

Dad's other wife cuts his hair while he plays with his other kids.

So they couldn't live far away.