12. 185973 - Higher Education (第2季)【完整台词】

Dad, can I ask your advice about something? Why? Well, you're my dad, you like that kind of stuff.

Oh, yeah.

Now, if somebody does you a favor out of the blue and it's a really great favor but you didn't ask them to and they want you to pay them back, what do you do? Well, for starters, you should refuse the favor.

Are you kidding? Well, then you gotta pay them back.

Ah.

That was not the answer I was hoping for.

This have anything to do with that ski trip you're going on? You're going.

Mike, you passed? Passed? He got an A.

An A? Wow, Mike.

Let me see that test.

"A comma is the deep sleep you fall into after you get hit on the head.

" It's, uh, graded on the curve.

Oh.

Well, Mike, I think it's wonderful.

Yup, yup, yup.

It's wonderful.

Everything's wonderful.

Everything's running very smoothly around here lately.

Ha! Now, what are you two doing up? Now, come on, back upstairs.

I'll bring your dinner up in a little while.

-What are we having? -Coq au vin.

I made that once.

Yeah, but don't worry, I found a new recipe.

Well, I'm gonna go see if any of my patients have called.

With my luck, they're probably all cured.

Your dad's still in shock.

Mike got an A on a test.

An A? Let me see that test.

Not now.

Carol, honey, listen.

You are doing a terrific job of taking care of things while we're sick.

-Well, thanks.

-I have just one request.

-Sure.

-Stop it.

What? Your father is feeling like you're doing a better job running the house than he does.

I am.

I know.

-All I wanted to do was help.

-And that's what your dad wanted too.

But see, by giving him what he wanted, you've, well, upset him.

By giving him what he wanted I've upset him? Sure, honey, you'll find out that most people hate it when they get what they want.

Hey, wait a minute.

Is this true? Sure, there's even a Chinese curse that says "may you get what you wish for.

" Oh, this is perfect.

Look, Mom, the next time I have a problem, I'm coming to you first.

Oh, I'm going back to bed.

Uh, Mom, I gotta go make a phone call, okay? [MIKE SCREAMS THEN POTS CLATTER] Oh, you waxed the floor.

[SIGHS] Hello, Boner? Oh, Mr.

Stabone.

Uh, it's Mike.

Heh.

Yo to you too, sir.

Uh, is Richard there? Hello, Boner.

Yeah, look, I need some help.

Well, I'm gonna ask Robin out tonight.

Okay, now, I need you to tell me step by step exactly what you do on a first date so I can completely gross this girl out.

No offense.

[SULTRY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] Mike, what are you doing? -Ah, who needs the distraction of a movie? -Not me.

-Ow.

-Oh.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Look, Robin, let's not kid each other, all right? Now, you have needs and I have needs.

Now, why should we both be needy on a night such as this? Mike.

Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight.

Oh, Mike, yes.

Uh, look, wouldn't a nice big tub of something go good right now? -Popcorn? -Yeah, great idea.

Where'd he go? I can't tell.

My binocs are all fogged up.

-Mike.

-Guys, what are you doing here? Catching a movie, which is more than I can say for you.

Whoo! Guys, look.

Guys, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

I've tried every sleazy move you gave me and they're all working.

Don't give me that.

Those lines never work.

Did you try, "Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight"? Yeah, I tried it and she loved it.

-I got my face slapped for it.

-I got my face kissed for it.

Hey, man, how'd you say it? Girl, you'll be a woman soon.

Here, now, tonight.

Wow.

That's how I say it.

Maybe you should consider the possibility that you're scum.

Ha, ha.

Guys, guys, guys, stop, okay? Come on.

Now, I'm in a bind here.

I need a line that is guaranteed to offend.

-Well, Boner, give him your best line.

-Yeah, okay.

Look her in the eye and say, "You got needs, I got needs.

" ALL: Why should we both be needy on a night such as this? -No, no, no, I already gave him that line.

-Yeah, and it worked.

-It never works for me.

-You guys are no help at all.

I'm scum? You're scum.

-I thought you were gonna get popcorn.