12. 185973 - Higher Education (第2季)【完整台词】

[BELL RINGS] [SNEEZES] You would not believe what the rest of this house looks like.

I'm gonna kill those kids.

We ask them for one favor, "Will you help with the house while we're sick?" But do they do it? No.

Jason, the house is perfect.

Achoo! What? It's like a hospital out there.

There is no dust.

All the laundry's been done, the table's been set for dinner Ben's little clothes have been ironed for tomorrow.

I haven't seen the house this organized since I went back to work.

Oh, good.

No, that's very good.

You tell a dying man he's a bad housewife.

Oh.

Honey, don't get upset.

Carol just went a little overboard trying to do a great job and I just.

I've hurt your feelings, haven't l? No, no, no, just-- Well, it's really no big deal.

If Carol does a better job than I do, then we should be grateful.

-She's a big help, right? -Right.

And just to be clear, we are saying she does do a better job.

-Oh, Jason-- -No, that's what we're saying.

-No, honey, I really-- -That's what I'm hearing.

I really didn't mean that.

As Robin passes out your tests from yesterday I must say I was so shocked no one got below a C.

I'm seeking professional help.

[BELL RINGS] An A? I got an A? [GASPS] Robin.

An A? I rechecked your paper.

Uh, yeah, but Mrs.

Trotter is gonna find out.

-I mean, she'll know.

-She never even sees the papers.

You're safe with me.

Oh.

You look kind of cute with your mouth hanging open like that.

Oh, yes.

This means I can go on the ski trip.

Look, Robin, I really owe you in a major way.

Well, you're welcome in a major way.

Look, if there's anything that I can do for you, Robin, you got it, okay? Mike? The ski trip.

Yeah, yeah.

What about it? I'd love to be your date on the ski trip.

What ski trip? The ski trip.

[CHUCKLES] Now, Robin, Robin, see, the thing is none of us are taking dates on the ski trip because there's gonna be so many coyotes up there.

Yeah, those hills are just crawling with coyotes: [HOWLS] Mike, the only reason that you're able to go is because I changed your grade.

Yeah, and I'm very thankful for that.

Are you? Oh.

You know, you're even cuter with that dumb look on your face.

So a girl is forcing you to spend the weekend with her.

Yes.

-And this is a bad thing? -Yes.

Okay, Mikey, look at it this way.

Let's say you was a teacher's aide and you were helping out a cute chick with a phony grade.

What would you expect in return? Right there, right there.

You see? -No, no, totally different situation, Eddie.

-How? If I'd treat a girl the way she's been treating me I mean, it would be obvious that.

Well, that the girl would feel as rotten as I do.

You're right, man.

It's no different.

-Oh, no, I'm maturing.

-No.

-Mikey, don't get carried away.

-Yeah, all right.

Now, the facts here are, if you don't take Robin with you on the ski trip she's gonna change your grade back and you can't go.

Oh.

Now what do I do? I wish I had problems like this.

I've never had a second date with a chick in my life.

Girls never like me once they get to know me.

If no girls knew me, I'd probably be the most popular dude in school.

-Hey, Carol, I need to ask you something.

-Take your shoes off.

Why? I just waxed the floor.

Okay, Carol, look, I need some advice, okay? From moi? Okay, now-- Nice job.

Let's say you were really desperate and you trapped this guy into going out with you.

Let's not.

No, no, no.

Let's say you trapped him because you like him.

Now, what could he do to make you not like him? -You're serious? -Yeah.

Okay, well, first, any guy who'd be trapped into a date is a weak-kneed weenie man.

I am talking major wimp here.

Forget it, forget it.

BEN: Okay, I cleaned my room and-- [YELLING] Very nice job.

The place doesn't look so great.

Hey, Dad.

Look, dust.

She calls this clean? Ha.

-Dad, I think it's the fever talking.

-Oh, yeah, it's me.

Everything else is just fine.

Wait, I know something that's not fine.

What happened on your English test, huh? Huh, huh? All right.

I got an A.

Let me see that test.

A.

Wow.

Yeah, I didn't even cheat on it.

"Punctuation.

The colon is where food digests after you eat it.

" -Uh, it was graded on a curve.

-Yeah, apparently.

Well, I guess that means you'll be able to go on that ski trip after all.

Yeah, I guess so.

You don't sound too thrilled about it.