8. 185809 - Slice of Life (第1季)【完整台词】

You know that in certain remote areas of Brazil coffee's considered to be an aphrodisiac.

More coffee? Please.

I think it's working.

Well, in that case Well, it's there if you need it.

Oh, I love Saturday mornings.

So tranquil.

You know, if you listen carefully, you can almost hear the leaves fall.

Big leaves this year.

You scuzzball! You're the scuzzball! - Your mama! - Your mama! Hey, wait, kids, kids, kids.

You both have the same mama.

Come on, what's this all about? Carol turned the water off! I was taking a shower, and she turned the water off! I had to.

He wouldn't let me in the bathroom.

I was indisposed.

Well, he was in there for an hour and a half.

One hour, 33 minutes, and 22 seconds.

He's trying to get into the World Record Book.

As what, Ben? The Human Prune? No, for taking the longest shower.

The record's only 374 hours.

I can beat that, easy.

Ben, 300, that's two weeks.

You can't stay in the water that long.

That's what they told Jacques Cousteau.

Ben, Jacques had a submarine.

Not when he was nine.

Ben Great.

I wanted to be immortal.

Instead, I'm just wet.

Immortal? How long have you wanted to be immortal? Since I was two.

Well, if you promise to stay out of the bathroom, maybe I'll help you.

Okay.

Hey, I wonder what's the longest anyone's gone without a shower.

I think it was Mike last summer.

Well, we were talking about those tranquil Saturday mornings.

I guess he couldn't get in the bathroom, either.

Hey, Mom, Dad, I want to take karate.

I want to split boards.

I want to break bricks.

Quick.

Hide the chimney.

Come on, Dad, I'm serious.

And the first class starts today.

Mike, why are you so hot, all of a sudden, about taking karate? Can you believe that, Dad? She wants to know why I want to take karate.

- Mike? - Yeah, Dad? Why do you want to take karate? I don't know.

I just want to.

The analytical mind at work.

Come on, Dad.

Does everybody have to have a reason for everything they do? - No.

- There you go, then.

- So you'll pay for the lessons? - No.

- Why not? - No reason.

Mike, I think I speak for both your father and myself when I ask you: Is there a girl in this class? What? A girl? You know, I resent that.

I take that as a "Yes.

" What are you guys talking about? Remember when you just had to take horseback-riding lessons? Yeah, 'cause you said it would help you overcome your fear of large animals? Yeah, well, you gotta admit, Debbie DiZomba was large.

Right.

And remember when you just had to learn Scottish folk dancing? Hey, I was starved for culture.

This is different, Dad.

This is karate.

It's a man's sport.

- And it costs next to nothing.

- Oh, good, good.

You got change for $1? Okay, how next to nothing? It's only $125, Dad.

And that includes a dozen training bricks.

Mike, here's $10.

Go buy her a burger.

It's cheaper.

- Brought you some coffee.

- Hi, honey.

Not there.

No, no.

Would you get me a coaster there, please? I polished this thing within an inch of its life this week.

And now you're just keeping it warm? What are you doing, Jason, that you don't want me to see? - Me? - Looks like you're working on a test.

I guess you could say that, yeah.

- Well, what kind of a test is it? - It's a dull test.

I mean, what's it for? Well, it's a test to measure dullness.

It's so dull, I can't even talk about it.

Jason? Okay, it's a marriage-compatibility test I'm planning to give a couple of my patients.

How fun! - Let's take it and see how we do.

- Let's take it and see how we do.

I knew we would say that.

- Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud.

- Such a stick-in-the-mud.

Am I that predictable? No, no.

No, you're spontaneous and impetuous and that's what I love about you.

- Don't be a wise guy.

- Don't be such a wise guy.

Maggie, this is a test for couples having problems.

It pinpoints areas of conflict.

We have no conflict.

Oh, yeah? - I want to take the test.

Do you? - No.

See? Conflict.

Maggie, it's a boring test.

Not from what I see here.

The questions are profound, astute, full of insight.

Especially the smutty ones.

Yes, Number 12.

If you like that, wait till you get to Number 33.

Oh, come on, Jason.

Fill one out.

If you do well, I'll give you a big Well, what more incentive could any red-blooded, card-carrying husband ask for? - 42.