4. 185804 - Carol's Article (第1季)【完整台词】

Mike, would you get your sister, please? Yo, Fido, dinner! I'll be right down, Fire Hydrant! Tell Mom I'm just gonna finish this paragraph! - Mom, Fido's gonna finish her paragraph.

- Thank you, I heard.

And frankly, Fire Hydrant I don't think it's funny or appropriate for you to call your sister Fido.

You're right.

It's a boy's name.

Is she still working on that article? Well, she's taking this tryout for the school paper very seriously.

Come on, Dad, this is the Walt Whitman Chronicle here one of the world's great papers.

It's right up there with Charmin and Nice'n Soft.

Mike, this is very important to Carol.

Try to keep your snide comments to a minimum.

So, like, what? Three or four? You're working awfully hard, sweetheart.

Yeah, well, I just want to get it right.

You know, so it's, like, the best article they've ever gotten.

Pretty tough to beat last week's scoop: "Granola bars replace gummy bears in snack machine.

" That's one.

One what? Snide comments.

Mom says Mike can make three more at you during dinner.

I think probably that was the last one.

Right, Mike? Why, yes, Father, I believe it was.

Anyway, tomorrow's the moment of truth.

Tomorrow Mr.

Simmons reads all the articles and decides who gets the job.

Oh, no, not Simmons.

Why? Who's Simmons? That's the teacher who locked a kid in a closet for not closing a quote.

Well, honey, I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Just do the best you can, and I'm sure he'll be impressed.

This is so exciting! The roar of the mighty presses.

Ink coursing through my veins.

Maybe I've got what it takes, maybe I don't but I'll never find out if I don't leap into the darkness and give it my all! If she sings I Gotta Be Me, I swear I'll throw up.

That's two.

Mom do you think you could read my article tonight and tell me what you think? Why, I'd be happy to, honey.

You'll be honest? Savagely honest.

I know.

I'm probably just worrying for nothing, but have you ever wanted something so much, you could feel it with your entire body? Well, now that you mention it Yeah, Jerry.

Yeah, put me in for $20.

Yeah, of course I have it.

Look, only a scuzzball wouldn't have $20.

Yeah, okay.

Bye.

Hey, Ben, give me $20.

No way.

Ben, we didn't want you to know this but, well, Mom needs an operation.

That's low, Mike, even for you.

Okay, okay, okay.

Look, Jerry Dellish is over at Off-Track Betting and he's got a hot tip on Pesky Persky in the fourth.

Is that a horse? No, it's an imported beer.

Of course it's a horse.

Ben, look, I'm giving you the opportunity to make $100.

That sounds pretty good.

Of course it sounds pretty good and you're acting like I'm trying to put one over on you or something.

I'm sorry.

Look, forget it.

But you'll do it? Sure, and we'll split the profits.

All right, Ben.

- 70-30, mine.

- What? Take it or leave it.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

It's a pleasure doing business with you, Mike.

That kid's gonna be good.

Carol's paper can't be that bad.

She wrote about guys who dig for clams.

Well, what's wrong with that? She called it, "I Clam, Therefore I Am.

" Did she now? Listen to this: "Night obduces the isthmus 'neath its obsidian mantle.

"The mollusks imbibe one last sip twixt their valves "and expel the day's muculence.

" She could be pushing a little.

Jason, read this.

"With dexterous manipulation of his digits, the master clammer "extricates the muculent mollusk "from its lapideous ménage.

" Well, look at it this way.

We have a daughter who knows what muculence is.

How many people know what muculence is? Nobody knows what muculence is, and that's the problem.

Newspaper writing needs to be clear, accessible.

Jason, what am I gonna tell her? She asked for my honest opinion.

No kid wants your honest opinion.

They want unconditional approval.

And what if you don't approve? Then you have a significant dilemma, much like the one you're in now.

Thank you, Dr.

Seaver.

Come on, Jason.

Help me out here.

Well, look, we want this to be a learning experience for her.

- Go on.

- And all learning is based - on positive reinforcement.

- More.

See, if you want a pigeon to perform, you reward it with a pellet.

What are you saying? I'm saying we should have had pigeons.

They're easier to raise.

Jason, come on.

You just start off by pointing out the strengths of the article and then you show her how the article could be improved.

You're right.

- Accentuate the positive.

- Yes.

Be gentle and nurturing and supportive.

Then, if that doesn't work you simply tie her to the bed and set her Reeboks on fire.

Carol? Come in.

Well, it's late.

You must be tired.

We can talk about this in the morning.

No, no, I've been waiting for you.

I've read the article again, and I think I can be more objective now.

Well, that's a good thing to do.