Hi, I'm Jason Seaver.
I'm a psychiatrist.
I've spent the last 15 years helping people with their problems.
And I'm Maggie Seaver.
I've spent the last 15 years helping our kids with problems even Jason wouldn't believe.
Now Maggie has gone back to work as a reporter for the local newspaper.
And Jason has moved his practice into the house so he could be there for the kids.
- They're great kids.
- Most of the time.
And the rest of the time - You'll love them anyway.
- Yeah.
Unbelievable.
All right, lady, drop that spatula or you're scrambled.
Go ahead.
Make my day.
Well I guess I showed you.
Show me more.
Jason, the kids.
I can kiss the kids later.
You know, I read an article that said that two-career couples should really make special effort to always remain frisky.
At breakfast? At all meals.
What's the matter, you guys aren't getting enough? Mike, a lot of kids would get smacked for a remark like that.
Come on, Dad, you can't hit me.
You're a liberal humanist.
Could be an accident.
It could be a dream come true.
Mom, can't we sell Carol and get a tape deck for the Volvo? Mike, you give new meaning to the word "vacuous.
" Oh, yeah? What was the old meaning? I rest my case.
Ben.
Ben.
What's so funny, Ben? That Phyllis George! She screwed up again! Honey, what's that you're reading about? It says here that as the universe expands all matter is slowly degenerating into a state of total disorganization.
Thank God.
I thought it was just me.
Yeah, so, what are you guys doing tonight? The House of Sweat? Yeah, great! Hey, look, can I talk to you guys later? Yeah.
Bye.
Mike, what is "The House of Sweat"? Well It's, you know It's that new under-20 dance club on Jericho Turnpike.
Yeah, and it sounds like a great idea, Mom.
It's a safe, wholesome place for teens to congregate.
And the larger the group, the smaller their brains get.
Come on, Maggie Yeah, come on, Maggie.
Yes.
Well, time to go wait for that school bus.
You know, if I hurry, I can still get a seat in the non-smoking section.
- Bye, sweetie.
- Bye, Mom.
Bye, Ben.
I love you.
Later, Ben.
I still have some paperwork to do before my 9:00 gets here.
And if you start feeling frisky and you have eight or 10 seconds before work you know where to find me.
Ben, what are you doing here? You'll miss the bus.
What's the matter, honey? Dad didn't know how to do my elbow.
Let me see.
Dad did a great job on this cut.
Superman Band-Aids, the works.
I get it.
He didn't kiss it.
And say, "I love you, little pumpkin head.
" It was all so clinical.
Mom, how come you had to go back to work? I didn't have to, Ben.
I wanted to.
Come here.
Ben, imagine you had to spend without ever going out to play.
You'd go crazy, wouldn't you? Well, believe it or not, a lot of grown-ups feel the same way about work.
That's sick, Mom.
Ben, I know this has been a big change for all of us.
And I worry about not being here for you, because, well, you're the youngest.
And I worry about not being here for Carol because she's a girl and she needs her mother.
And I worry about not being here for Mike to keep him from accidentally blowing something up.
And, believe me, I worry about leaving your father here to cope with all you monsters.
You shouldn't worry so much, Mom.
You'll make yourself crazy.
I love you, little pumpkin head.
It's always the same dream, Doc.
I'm on a subway and this woman sits across from me.
This beautiful woman.
And I look at her.
She looks at me.
I lick my lips.
She licks her lips.
This goes on.
Then, finally, she leans across, and she whispers to me: "You have huge knees.
" Does that mean anything, Doc? That should be good for about $5 apiece.
Good visit, Walter.
And don't worry too much about this thing.
Okay? See you next week.
Bye-bye.
- Could I talk to you for a second, Dad? - Sure.
- In your office.
- Sure.
- Kids.
- Me? Yeah.
So you wanted to talk about something? Yeah.
Mostly I just wanted to mention how smoothly things have been running since the wife went back to work and you moved your practice into the house.
Well, thank you.
Dad, we've been friends now for a long time, right? Off and on, yeah.
"Off and on.
" I love that.
See, Dad, you know that dance hall place that I mentioned this morning? The House of Sweat? Yeah.
Jerry and I were talking and we decided Jerry? Yeah, Jerry Dellish.
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