6. Dipper vs. Manliness (第1季)【完整台词】

I like to get my christmas shopping done early.

Do you have anything that's in the spirit of the season? Uh, how about these crystals? Ha ha! Looks like broken glass.

What are you, a cop? Oh! What is that new thing? Grunkle stan.

Can we go to the diner? We're huuungry.

Huuuungry.

Yeah, sure.

Soon as this yahoo makes up his mind.

You have this in another animal? I'm fine locking him inside if you are.

Puma shirt, panther shirt.

Puma shirt, panther shirt.

Puma shirt Panther shirt.

Gravity Falls S01E06 Dipper vs.

Manliness Shoo! Git! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! Go! Go! Go! Go! Lazy Susan! There's my little ray of sunshine! Where we you yesterday? I got hit by a bus! Ha ha ha ha! Hilarious! Thank you.

You do split plates, right? Maybe.

Wink.

Great! We'll all split one-fourth of the number seven, Plus a free salad dressing for the lady And a small plate of ketchup for the boy.

But grunkle stan, I want pancakes.

With the fancy flour they use these days? What am I, made of money? Don't worry, guys.

Pancakes are on me.

I'm gonna win some by beating that manliness tester.

-Manliness tester? -Beating? He says--he says he's-- What? What's so funny? Or whatever it is you said.

Look, face the music, kid.

You got no muscles, you smell like baby wipes, And let's not forget last Tuesday's Incident.

Disco girl, coming through, that girl is you.

Don't come in, don't come in.

You were listening to girly Icelandic pop sensation Babba? No, I wasn't.

It's not important! Look, come on, guys, I'm plenty masculine! You see this chest hair? -Put it away! Put it away! -So smooth! My eyes! Oh, man.

Fine, family of little faith.

Get ready to eat your words And a plate of delicious pancakes.

All right, Dipper.

Time to manhandle this Man handle.

And a-one, and a-two Quit stallin'! Oh, what?! This thing must be broken.

It's totally broken, guys.

It's like a million years old.

Probably ran out of steam power or-- It's rickety, man.

You shouldn't even-- Yes! Pancakes for everyone! I need to get some chest hair, and fast.

I'm fine! Heh heh.

Everything's fine.

Sheesh! How am I related to that? Come on, Grunkle Stan.

I'm sure deep down you have a soft side too.

Ha! Nothing in here but a cold, dark, empty soul.

Food! Thanks there, sugar pie.

I mean, honey wasp kitten baby.

Ba-baby cow-- Ha ha! Silly! -Silly man.

-What was that about? Nothing.

I, uh, don't want to talk about it.

Talk about what? Why is this table wet? Wait just a second.

I think I have an idea happening here.

-You -No! -And her -No! Stop it! -Aaah! -Oh, boy.

You have a thing for lazy Susan! You do have a soft side! But k-k-keep it down, will ya? All right.

I admit it, okay? It would be nice if she liked me.

But I've been out of the game for so long I wouldn't know where to start.

I mean, look at her.

She's so classy.

Spin, ya dumb pie! Spin! Grunkle Stan, You are a cranky, gross, weird old man.

But we will get lazy Susan to like you, Because nothing is stronger than the power of -Love? -Mabel.

To victory! Not manly enough.

Stupid diner! Stupid lumberjack! No! Another hydrant destroyed.

It's a gosh-dang mystery! Wanna take off our uniforms and run around in circles? Quit readin' my mind.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was looking for the mailman.

Oh.

What? Are you saying I'm not a male man? Is that what you're trying to say? I'm not male? I'm not a man? Is that what you're getting at? Are you crying? Two Three Four No chest hair yet.

Is it physical? Is it mental? What's the secret? You said it, brother.

I need help.

For the love of all that's holy, run!!!! Wait.

Sorry.

Please don't eat me! I haven't showered in like a week! And I'm-- I'm like all elbows! Elbows and gristle! You Gonna finish that? No.

I can't believe it.

Part animal, part human.

Are you some kind of minotaur? I'm a manotaur! Half man, half, uh Half taur! So did I, like, summon you, or The smell of jerky summoned me! Jerky! I smell Emotional issues.

I got problems, manotaur.

Man-related problems.

Well, my own uncle called me a wimp, And I kinda flunked this manliness video game thing Hmm Hey! You know, you seem pretty manly.

Maybe you could give me some pointers? Hmm.

Very well.

Climb atop my back hair, child.

Uh, okay.

Yes! Yes! Dude, watch out! This place is amazing! The gnomes live in the trees, The mer-people live in the water-- 'cause they're losers!-- But we manotaurs crash in the man cave! Beasts! I have brought you A hairless child! 'Sup? This is, uh, Pubitaur, Testosteraur, Pituitaur, And I'm Chutzpaur.

And you are My name's Dipper.

Weak! The, uh, Destructor? -Yeah, that's better.

-An improvement, yeah.

Dipper the destructor wants us to teach him The secrets to our manliness! I need your help.

Look at this, guys-- look at this! I must confer with the high council.

So, teach him our man secrets, or what? He's a human.

I don't like him.

I don't like your face! I like these guys.

Okay, Grunkle Stan.

Welcome to the first day of whatever is left of your life! First a "before" picture.

I never miss a scrapbook-ortunity.

deedley-dum, mem-ories Let's start out with some role-playing.

Soos will play lazy Susan.

I'm soft like a woman.

Grunkle Stan, show me how you approach a woman.

Remember this is a safe, non-judgmental environment.

I'll just be right off to the side judging you on a scale from one to ten.

Can I borrow some money? This is gonna be harder than I thought.

After a lot of punching, We have decided to deny your request to learn our manly secrets.

Denied! Denied! Okay, fine.

That's okay with me.