Good morning, mom.
Oh.
Gabe, honey.
We need to talk.
Mom, I didn't do it! That Principal's out to get me.
It's not about the Principal.
Mom, I didn't do it! That teacher is out to get me.
Gabe! You're not in trouble.
Then why do we need to talk? Well, it's about your dad.
Now you're aware that he occasionally snores, right? Mom, the people across the street are aware.
Car alarms are aware.
Kansas is aware.
Well, obviously, I'm used to his snoring because I grew up next to train tracks.
But your father's been waking Toby up and I'm trying to get the baby to sleep through the night.
How does this involve me? We're going to have to temporarily change our sleeping arrangements.
Man, you're putting Toby in with me? Not exactly.
Hey, roomie! Today's all burnt toast running late and dad jokes.
"Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite grab a ride, laugh out loud.
There it is up on the roof.
I've been there, I survived.
So just take my advice.
Hang in there, baby things are crazy.
But I know your future's bright.
Hang in there, baby, there's no maybe.
Everything turns out all right.
Sure life is up and down.
But trust me, it comes back around.
You're gonna love who you turn out to be.
Hang in there, baby.
There he is.
Mister Victor Deleseur, ladies and gentlemen.
The smartest guy at South High.
What do you want, Teddy? What? Do I always have to want something? Can't I just invite you over as a friend to enjoy some Okay, so here it is.
Um, I'm taking the SAT this weekend and I really want to ace it.
And I you my help, since you know I scored a perfect 2400.
They actually did a feature story on me in "overachievers monthly".
Yeah yeah, I know.
I cut it out and put it in my scrapbook.
- Really?! - No.
So, what do you say? Will you help me? Under one condition If I tutor you, you have to agree to do whatever I say no matter what.
Fine.
Now just tell me what you want in return.
Do I always have to want something? Can't I just do it out of the goodness Okay, here it is.
I want you to come to the park with me this Saturday.
Wait.
You mean like a date? I would never ask you out.
See, you have a boyfriend, I have a girlfriend and most importantly I have certain intellectual standards.
Insulted, yet relieved.
So what are we gonna do at the park? I have a very important chess match and I'd like you to watch.
- That's it? - That's it.
There's gotta be some sort of catch.
No catch.
Just chess.
Is chess a euphemism for something? Like some sort of weird comic book role-playing thing? No.
Okay.
Fine.
If you tutor me, I'll come to the park and I'll watch you play "chess".
No, not "chess".
Just chess.
You mean, "chess".
No! Not "chess".
Just chess! This may be the toughest tutoring I've ever done.
Oh, that is so yummy.
Isn't it good? Charlie, have you ever seen a cuter baby in your life? - Yes.
- Who? Me.
You are your mother's daughter.
Hi, mom.
Hi, Charlie.
PJ, I need your help.
Sure, mom.
What can I do you for? It's a fun little way of saying, "what can I do for you?" Proceed.
Okay well, I really need to put Toby down for a nap.
But Charlie wants me to read to her.
Can you do it? Oh, yeah.
Sure.
I got time for a quick little whoa! Hello.
- Charlie wants this book? - Would you rather change Toby's diaper? Come on, buddy.
"The Littlest Unicorn".
"By Emily Prettyblossom".
- Yay.
- Okay.
Chapter one.
"Some people say that unicorns aren't real, but they are.
They hail from a magical place called Butterflylandia".
Oh, boy.
Keep going.
"This is the story of one of those unicorns, the littlest one of all".
"Her name was Junie.
Her real name, that is".
"Her mean brothers called her "Junie the Puny Uni".
- That's not very nice.
- No, it isn't.
Shh.
"One day, Junie and her family went to the meadow for a picnic".
"The meadow was right next to the dark forest, a place Junie was forbidden to go".
"But her curiosity got the better of her".
- Uh-oh.
- I'm thirsty.
Suck it up.
Junie's in trouble.
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