Hey, dad, I want to sign up for hockey.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.
No, you don't! Keep your voice down.
Why? What's wrong with hockey? Shh shh shh! Did someone say hockey? N-no, honey.
I said I was feeling a little Stocky.
I heard the word hockey come up from the air vent.
I asked if I could play hockey and then dad got all weird.
I have been dreaming of the day.
When one of my kids strapped on the skates.
And followed in mama's footsteps.
- I feel a story coming on.
- I was the star.
Of the southwest Denver community college lady icers.
- You even had a cute nickname.
- They called me "psycho.
" Broke the league record for penalty minutes.
- And that's why they called me - Psycho.
I got it.
Can I play hockey? Not only can you play hockey, I'm gonna teach you everything I know about the sport.
No, that's okay, mom.
They actually have coaches.
Coach I'll be your coach! - Great idea! - Coach psycho.
- Psycho.
- That's right, Charlie.
Mommy's psycho.
Today's all burnt toast Running late and dad jokes "Has anybody seen my left shoe?" I close my eyes, take a bite Grab a ride, laugh out loud There it is up on the roof I've been there, I've survived So just take my advice Hang in there, baby Things are crazy But I know your future's bright Hang in there, baby There's no maybe Everything turns out all right Your life is up and down But trust me, it comes back around You're gonna love who you turn out to be Hang in there, baby.
- Okay, see you tomorrow, babe.
- Okay.
Oh, hey, Derek, I was wondering if maybe after school.
- You wanna go mini golfing? - Eh, whatever.
Okay, so, um, is that a whatever like "I don't wanna go," or a whatever like "mini golf, wow!"? Whichever.
Okay okay, so is that a whichever like "whatever" Or a whichever like "mini golf, wow!"? - No worries.
- Whatever.
- 'kay, see you, babe.
- Okay.
Ivy, can I ask you something? - Sure, what's up? - It's about Derek.
And I want you to be completely honest.
You know, we've been going out for a while.
And at first it was fun and everything, but now I'm kinda wondering if maybe I should Dump his sorry butt! - Whoa.
- Do it! Now.
He's probably still out there.
I'll go get him.
Whoa, Ivy, Ivy, wait! I don't mean right now.
I've never broken up with somebody before and I'm kind of nervous about it.
- There's nothing to be nervous about.
- Well, I I don't know.
It's easy.
Look.
Just pretend I'm Derek and break up with me.
If it helps, I'll put a stupid look on my face and breathe through my mouth.
Um No, I'm not gonna practice breaking up with somebody.
I mean, how hard can it be? I just tell Derek how I feel nicely And then we both go on with our lives.
Heh heh.
Whatever.
Okay, could you stop doing that, please? Ehhh, I like it.
It's relaxing.
I feel like my brain's on vacation.
Okay, people, listen up.
The geniuses at corporate have come up with a new menu item.
They are called chicken slivers.
- What's a sliver? Is it like a nugget? - No.
- Is it like a tender? - Nope.
- Does it have chicken in it? - According to legal, The answer to that question is "possibly.
" And remember, they're not just chicken slivers, They are corporal kwikki's chicken slivers, In honor of our founder, corporal bull s.
Kwikki.
- What's he a corporal of? - Lip-smacking goodness.
Which is also the title of his autobiography.
Okay, minimum wagers paychecks.
- Thanks.
- Thank you.
Mitch, aren't we supposed to be making minimum wage? It's the law.
My dad told me about it.
Never talk to your parents! Seriously, guys, what happens here is sacred.
This is a safe place.
Wait a minute.
"minimum" means the least.
We're making less than the least? Okay, doors opening, Let's feed the world, huh? Isn't there something you can do about our salary? - Why me? - You're the smartest one here.
I am? But my foot's in a mop bucket.
Yeah, but you know how to get it out.
I thought we were going to the ice rink.
No.
You can't go anywhere near the ice until you learn the fundamentals.
Sounds boring.
It's not boring.
It's fun! Come on, you can't spell fundamental without "fun.
" You also can't spell it without "mental.
" Okay, fundamental number one: Positioning.
Why is there a pad on the wall? Because I believe in safety first.
- What was that? - That's called checking.
It's not allowed at your level Unless the ref doesn't see you.
- Now you check me.
- No way, you're my mom.
Come on, check me, you little weenie.
That's called avoiding a check.
Get up.
Let's practice your skating.
Okay, I will demonstrate.
Whoosh whoosh whoosh, Nice and easy, just like mama.
- Now you try.
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