1
- What is it? What's going on?
- The pigeon's back! It's alive!
- Where?
- Up there.
I can't see anything.
Oh, great
- Oh, it must be a ghost.
- How many times, Kitty?
- Sleep in your own room.
- I prefer it here.
Aren't you late for work?
Mike, we're late for work!
Get out!
Bum.
- Right.
- Bum,
or neck, or leg, but first choice, bum.
- Is it cooked?
- Of course, I'm not an animal.
- Could've fooled me.
- Hey, you want some?!
All right, all right.
So, Robin misses eating bum.
- Of
- Oh, any bum.
Rump steak, why not?
- If I may, Patrick
- Well, we haven't actually finished yet
Good.
Now, I can't be the only one
who is sick of the noise
- night after night.
- Oh, not this again
No, I am not talking about you, Fanny.
I am talking about Alison
and Michael banging.
All evening!
Banging, hammering,
drilling, it's intolerable!
They've been forced to get jobs in the day.
Now it's time to force
them out in the night.
- But then they'd be gone.
- Exactly.
Bye, guys!
Have one for me.
We've got some more free gooseberries.
Now we're going to the pub.
They're going to sit in a nice pub
and drink four pints, probably.
Oh, my God.
That sounds nice.
And we've got to go home and strip 26 doors.
- And the skirting boards.
- Ah!
- I miss pints.
- I miss pints.
They're broken, in retreat,
out of their depth!
I believe it's time for one last push.
Strike while they're weak.
Get them out for ever.
I don't want to!
- What?
- I like them!
I like Alison, and I miss
her when she's not here.
- So much.
- You're too soft.
You like everyone.
Well, I don't like you!
Bossing everyone around all the long day!
Since they've arrived,
you've become worse and worse
- and I've had enough, to be actually honest!
- Amen!
Well, I haven't heard anybody else
complain about my leadership.
- Leadership? You're not the leader!
- Yes, I am!
- I'm ranking officer.
- Well, we're not soldiers.
Yeah, this isn't the Army
Sir.
Oh, I see what this is.
It's a coup, isn't it?
A bloodless coup! What, is it you, Julian?
Taking over?
If one were called upon to govern,
by the will of the people,
- one would be honoured.
- No-one has to be in charge.
- I agree.
Pat should be in charge.
- No, that wasn't what I said.
No, it's fine.
I'll leave.
But you'll see.
When there's a crisis, you'll need me,
when the chips are down.
Bum chips!
Bum and chips.
OK.
Which brings us back to food club.
Now, Julian would like
to talk a bit about fondue.
Fondue.
Well, it's Swiss, I think.
Very interesting, very fun.
In fact, sometimes I call it fundue.
They're home!
Essentially, it's melted cheese
with little bits of bread.
Bread and cheese?
Sorry, Humphrey!
No, no, it happens.
Don't worry about it.
Alison!
Alison!
Oh.
You're not Alison.
We concentrate on the windows
this week and then we can start
on the sandblasting.
Who's that?
Mike?
- Mike!
- Lager top, please.
Who is that?
- Sorry.
Can we help you?
- No, thank you.
You get on.
- We're not in at the moment.
- Excuse me?
You don't need to ring
the doorbell, we're here.
Oh!
I'm such a silly pillock!
I thought you were the groundsman!
Well We're everything.
We're the everything men.
Yes, it doesn't look like a lot
of gardening's gone on around here.
I'm Fiona, Harrington Hotels.
- Alison.
- Mike.
Now, I'm not going to beat
about the proverbial,
we have been looking
at this property for a long time.
And when we heard that the owner
had finally passed away,
sadly,
we had thought it would hit the market.
But rumour has it that you two
are a couple of
budding hoteliers yourselves.
So you can tell me to get the hell
off of your property, if you'd like.
But would it interest you to talk
about selling the place?
Well, I mean, it couldn't hurt
to talk a little bit.
Couldn't hurt at all.
What's the opposite of hurt? Pleasure.
- It would pleasure me to talk about it.
- Yeah.
No, no.
You're missing the point.
It's perfectly absurd to dip
individual pieces of bread
when one can hold a full slice in one's hand!
It's not about the cheese!
It's about the fun!
Right, so if you drop a piece of bread,
you have to do a saucy forfeit.
That's when it gets very interesting.
There's the lucky dip.
That's a good one.
And then there's the Swiss roll,
first you remove your
Everyone, everyone, everyone!
Come quick!
There's a lady downstairs with red
hair and she wants to buy the house!
Shh!
Guys, I don't know.
Sorry.
- Gooseberry?
- No, thank you.
Maybe later.
- So when is the work going to start?
- It has.
Oh, of course it has.
- So when do you expect to open?
- Oh, she is a spunky one!
Straight down to business!
Well, we've had a few setbacks,
to be honest.
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