Two two, three Good news, everyone! Well? What is it? What is what? Oh! Right! Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be delivering this mysterious crate to Peebles Alpha.
Peebles Alpha? The planet of gangs, thugs and hustlers? Ooh! Let's go! Let's go! Let's go! Hang on.
If we're delivering a package to criminals, I want to know what's in it.
I have no idea, Leela.
But I'll tell you the same thing they told me Stop asking questions, old man, and we'll slip you an extra five grand that your crew doesn't need to know about.
[Grunting with effort] Now, listen carefully.
This planet is controlled by two rival gangs the Blips and the Cruds.
You can tell them apart by their colors red and blue.
Which gang's red, and which gang's blue? Both! The delivery is going to the Blips, so when you meet them, you'll want to be wearing these jerseys.
Not these jerseys.
Because if you're wearing these, you'll be killed on the spot.
Okay, here are your jerseys.
No, wait.
Here.
No.
Wait Does anyone else find this delivery suspicious? Nope.
He's too dumb, and I don't care.
Well, I'm smart, and I care too much.
I want to know what's in that crate.
But we're not allowed to open it! I know that! Go get me a crowbar.
Please, use mine.
I just need it in case, uh, Fry gets his head stuck in a pot of honey.
And in the meantime, if I should happen to bump into the crate and open it whoopsie! [Grunting] Bender: Hey, Leela, Fry got his head stuck in a pot of honey! Oh, bother.
Not now! [Grunting] [Grunting, clanking, clattering] [Gasping] What is it? Alcohol? Tobacco? Firearms? Firearms! That's the one I was secretly hoping for.
I'm okay with most kinds of violence, but not gang violence.
Before we deliver these weapons, we're going to disable them so they can never be used.
Bender, bend the barrels.
But I love guns! Then pretend they're little human necks.
What?! Let me at 'em! [Grunting] [Whirring] A lot of ships get stolen on this planet, so, Bender, stay here and stand guard.
Okay.
I hope I never see you again.
Uh, I don't like the looks of this gang-infested neighborhood.
There might be spiders! We must have made a wrong turn.
We should have reached Blip turf by now.
You think we walked straight out of Blipton? Wait, there's some Blips.
[Gasps, grunts] Those aren't Blips! They're Cruds! They have the red on the left.
Oh, no! What should we do? [Gasps] Leela, this is no time to show me your boobs! Turn your jersey inside out.
Oh.
Show me again.
[Muffled grunting] Yo, what you doing on our turf? Chill, dawg.
Ain't no thang.
We Cruds.
Well, we Blips, and we over here.
We put up that mirror because this is a blind intersection.
It's considerably reduced the number of accidents.
It don't do nothing for the murder rate, though.
Now get down on your knees so we can blow your Crud brains out! [Yelling] Um, Leela, remember when we were trying to guess what would happen if someone stuck a gun in my face, and you said I'd probably crap my pants? - Well - Excuse me, Sir? We're not actually Blips or Cruds.
We're delivery people, here to deliver this crate.
So if everything seems to be in order, we'll be on our way, a'ight? Oh, it's far from a'ight.
Man: Now, hold up! It's a'ight, all right? It's a Crud, and he's got a gun! Yo, you just shot your own reflection in the mirror.
It was self-defense.
We are the Cruds, but we're over here.
And don't shoot.
That crate is a gift from us.
- What?! - Huh? For real? There's been enough violence on these streets.
Too many lives and mirrors have been shattered.
So, yo, we sent you a crate of weapons as a sign of trust.
Together, we can use them to rid our streets of the real enemy.
- Giant spiders.
- I knew it! Man, that's a nice gesture.
We accept your offer of peace.
Let's just have a look at these top-quality weapons.
I'll test it out on that innocent bystander.
Ow! Yo, you just shot yourself again! It's a trick! Get 'em! [Clamoring] Ow.
Oh.
[Screaming] [Gunfire, groaning and yelling] [Gunfire, groans and yelling stop] Look, let's just agree that gang violence is an important issue with no easy answers.
Okay.
Anyway, the ship's still here.
- And nothing was stolen.
- Bender: Yeah it was! I got bot-jacked! [Both gasp] All I have left is my cigar.
Wait [stammers, groans] They stole everything except my mouth and eyes.
I guess they didn't like all my screaming and winking.
It's just lucky Bender had a RoJack installed.
When I activate it, the police should be able to locate him.
[Switch clicks, computer beeps] Female voice [Echoing]: Locating locating Male voice: Located.
[Siren blares] It's a robot chop shop.
That's some primordial evil.
This Skell here buys stolen robots, strips 'em down, and sells the parts all over the galaxy.
[Scanner beeping] Okay, I'm getting a signal from Bender's RoJack.
[Beeping] Naw, it's just a piece of junk.
That's not junk! That's Bender's head! My head?! Slap me upside it! Ah, home, sweet head.
That's it? Where's the rest of him? All other parts sold.
But I have list of buyers.
You drop charges, I give you list.
No dice.
Justice don't work that way.
Wait.
Wait.
What if I throw in giant robot head for nice officer? Hmm Thanks for all your help, officer! My pleasure.
[Whirring] Boy, Bender, you sure were chock full of parts.
I didn't even know you had a wishbone.
I had a lot of magic things.
And we'll never get them all back.
Oh, sure we will.
If we live a really long time.
Let's get started.
[Door creaks open, chimes tinkling] Come in, come in.
Close the door.
You're letting the smut out.
Bender: All right, buddy.
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