Shh! Don't wake up Fry.
Shh! My roommate's sleeping! Wake up already! I'm about to get down and funky with this ladybot, and I'd appreciate it if as many people as possible could know about it.
Now can we get some privacy? Oh, yeah! Back it on up.
Hambone, hambone! Hambone Okay, hambone break's over.
Back to the bedroom! Hambone, hambone! Hambone Wake up and feel the coffee! No, I'm late for work again! Sorry I'm late.
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to show up.
I've had it with your tardiness, Fry.
I expect you to arrive the same time as everyone else.
Well, wait a second.
Leela's not here yet.
She left a while ago.
She said some idiot was taking her to lunch for her birthday.
Oh, no, I'm late! Since you got stood up, I thought this might cheer you up a notch.
That's not necessary.
What day is today? It's Leela 's birthday Please stop.
What a day for a birthday I really would like you to stop singing.
cake! You want to buy a slice of birthday cake for $11.
95? Yes, please.
Ooh, nice cake.
Sorry, I'm late.
Where have you It's fine.
- You're not mad? - I was.
But then I realized it's actually my fault for thinking you might be on time for once.
Anyhow, I ate both our lunches.
You ordered the lobster pileup.
It wasn't cheap.
Bam! Please, let me make it up to you.
I'll treat you to a fancy birthday dinner tonight, at Cavern on the Green.
Wow, that'll be the nicest place I've ever been stood up.
Not this time.
No matter what happens, I swear I'll be there.
Guys, guys! Hedonismbot is finally gonna settle down, and marry a nice house in the suburbs! But tonight, he's having the girls-gone- wildest bachelor party of all time! Who cares? I'm having dinner with Leela.
Just go to your stupid party.
We can have dinner on my birthday some other year.
No! I can throw up on a stripper anytime.
Tonight, I want to not throw up on you.
Really? Your loss.
Hey, Professor, you're my wingman! Very well.
Cubert, fetch my drinking teeth.
I just have to sign Leela's birthday card.
How do you spell X-O? It's a record-your-own-message card.
You don't sign it, you leave a nude video greeting.
Does it have to be nude? I guess not.
That never occurred to me.
If I leave now, record a birthday greeting on the way, score some fancy cologne at the newsstand, I'll be exactly on time.
You're not going anywhere! But I have a date.
You were late this morning, so you have to stay and test my latest invention! Behold! A time-traveling machine! Time? I can't go back there! But this time machine only goes forward in time.
That way you can't accidentally change history, or do something disgusting, like sleep with your own grandmother.
I wouldn't want to do that again.
We're going to test it by going forward in time one minute.
Get in.
Okay, hurry.
Let's get it over with.
I can record Leela's birthday card while we're in there.
Happy birthday, Leela! I'm really sorry I'm gonna be one minute late, 'cause we're testing the professor's dumb time machine, but Okay, I'll just nudge us forward exactly one minute into the My card! Did we go too far? What time is it? The year 10,000.
Whoopsie.
Oh, dear.
I mean, oh, my.
The year 10,000? But I promised Leela I'd be on time for dinner! Relax, Fry.
Everyone we ever knew died thousands of years ago.
Everyone we ever knew? I never liked those guys.
No! They did it! They blew it up! And then the apes blew up their society, too! How could this happen? And then the birds took over and ruined their society! And the cows, and then, I don't know, is that a slug, maybe? No! While you await your "friend," allow me to read from a prepared history of our cavern.
"These unique rock formations "were created over millions of years by mineral-rich water, "dripping from pores in the ceiling.
"Dripping and dripping, year upon year, "century upon century" What day is today? Hey, aren't you the loser who got stood up at my other restaurant? Just shut up and bring me two dinners.
Has anyone seen Fry's ass? It's late for a date with my boot.
Fry's not here.
Obviously, he went to that pervert party with Bender and the professor.
Fry went to the party? We interrupt Hypnotoad On Ice to bring you breaking coverage of the disaster at Hedonismbot's bachelor party.
Linda, what began as innocent fun ended in tragedy tonight when a nuclear-powered robot stripper suffered a catastrophic reactor meltdown.
There is only one survivor.
Everywhere I looked, there were piles of bodies.
And then the explosion struck.
The three co-workers I liked, all dead! Fry stood me up and died? I'm so angry! I mean, I'm so sad! But I'm still pretty angry! But also sad.
Can I be both? It's what he'd want.
Then that's what I am! Man, the future is a total craphole, and whoever lives here is a crap-faced sack of crap! No offense, fellas.
Don't sweat it, man.
I'll never see Leela again.
No, without a backwards time machine, we're stuck in this craphole.
Dude, give it a rest.
Hold on.
I've got it! We can't go back in time, but we can keep going forward until people invent the backwards time machine.
- And then we can go home.
- Hit it.
In the year 105, 105 If man is still alive If robot can survive They may find In the year 252,525 The backwards time machine still won't have arrived In all the world there's only one technology A rusty sword for practicing proctology In a future year that ends with a 20 A shlubby merman's gonna try to get chummy He may look like a watery wimp When in fact he's a bloodthirsty shrimp In the year one million and a half Humankind is enslaved by giraffe Man must pay for all his misdeeds When the treetops are stripped of their leaves Sometimes I can't believe how successful Planet Express became once the professor was killed and you seized control.
There were tough times, but we all pulled together.
I've been crunching the numbers on our trans-galactic strategy What are you doing here? I laid you off 20 years ago.
The claws can't flee like they used to.
Success is nice, but I do kind of miss the old days.
Hey, Leels.
Hi, Cubert.
May we help you, strange ones? We are travelers from the past, my good runt.
I see.
Since your time, human evolution has diverged.
There are we, advanced in intellect and morality.
And the Dumblocks, stupid, vicious brutes who live underground.
Advanced in intellect, you say? Have you invented a backwards time machine? No, but if we apply our superior minds, we could perfect such a device within five years.
See you then! We're back for our time machine! Yoo-hoo! Boys! What's this era in human history like? The machines.
We built them to make our lives easier, but they rebelled.
They won't stop until every human is dead.
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