A Taste of Freedom Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! There's no denying it.
The future's crazy.
Oh, well, don't want to stand out.
Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! There's nothing crazy about it.
It's just Freedom Day! So, what is Freedom Day? Sounds like a feminine hygiene product.
No, it's a fabulous, crab-ulous day! If you want to do something, you do it, and just spleck with the consequences.
You know, like how I live every day.
Happy Freedom Day! Oh, I think my wrist is broken.
Of course, it wouldn't be Freedom Day without the traditionaI Freedom Tub! Ooh.
Mm.
That'll feeI nice on my shattered bones.
Wow, nude hot-tubbing? That's all I need to hear about Freedom Day.
Then consider the following lecture a bonus.
On Earth, freedom is a given.
But on my planet, we have to suffer for it.
Sure, you can be a comedian instead of a doctor if you want your parents to roll over in their graves! Sure, you can vote for SkanadeI, if you want there should be a recession! Sure, you can go to medicaI schooI if you've given up on your dream of being a comedian! That's why I love Earth.
You can do what you want, and no one makes you feeI guilty because no one cares.
- We're not listening! - That's what I'm talking about! Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! Freedom, freedom, freedom, oy! Excuse me, coming through.
Freedom train arriving on track one.
Ooh, ooh! - Ow! You broke my foot! - Freedom.
What's this next float, Linda? Representing our men, women and children in uniform it's Earth's greatest space hero, Zapp Brannigan.
Happy Freedom Day, ladies! Come on, let loose and show me something.
Anything.
Seriously, I'd take an armpit.
Oh, yeah, thank you, Linda! You're welcome! Okay, Morbo, now it's your turn.
If that is your Freedom Day wish Thank you, secretary of transportation.
My fellow Earthicans, we enjoy so much freedom, it's almost sickening.
We're free to choose which hand our sex-monitoring chip is implanted in.
If we don't want to pay our taxes why, we're free to spend a weekend with the Pain Monster.
See you ApriI 15, folks! Cue the fireworks guy! Incidentally, tonight's Freedom Day celebration is brought to you by: Shankman's Rubbing Compound.
When something needs rubbing, think Shankman.
Yay, Shankman! It costs more, but it's worth it.
Our planet has been through so much this past year.
Wars, droughts, impeachments.
But we've never lost our sense of what's truly important: The great taste of Charleston Chew.
And now, let us salute that beloved symboI of freedom our flag, Ol' Freebie.
I'm swelling with patriotic mucus.
In our darkest hour, we can stand erect with proud, up-thrust bosoms.
Anyone who laughs is a Communist.
Knowing that, with a shifty glance skyward we will see by the rocket's red glare, that our flag is still there.
It's gone! Yes, fellow patriots! I ate your flag! And I did it with pride.
For to express oneself by doing a thing, is the very essence of Freedom Day! Bless this planet and all its wonderfuI people! Kill him! Kill the traitor! Hey! It's the guy that desecrated our flag! Stop that red menace! I'm all scuttled out! What? My planet's embassy? They're paid to not kill me! Alley-oop! I thought I understood this world.
I thought I was fitting in.
But I guess I don't belong here any more than I do on our crappy home planet.
- Sorry.
- What sorry? Our planet stinks.
We all know it.
Enough with the persecution, I'm saying.
Zoidberg, as ambassador, I promise you the full support of our government.
Poor boy.
You want maybe a nice mug cocoa? Ambassador Mervin, you and your staff are so kind.
I'm truly humbled.
What, no marshmallows? Well, let's storm the place! Without my prior knowledge.
Coming through! Freedom Train! Step aside.
You, too, fatso.
Freedom! CooI your jowls, Nixon.
You may not like it that Dr.
Zoidberg desecrated a flag.
You may even find the image of it festering in his bowels offensive.
But the right to freedom of expression is guaranteed by the Earth Constitution.
Argh-ooh.
Maybe so.
But I know a place where the Constitution doesn't mean squat! The Supreme Court hereby accepts the case of Earth v.
Zoidberg.
Sock it to him! Two, four, six, eight.
Eating the flag is bad! Now, your noose knot has exactly seven twists.
You can eat my dog You can eat my truck But you eat my flag And you're out of luck She's waving proud around the world From Dallas to Fort Worth Let me say it again Don't mess with Earth - They sure hate Dr.
Zoidberg.
- Posers! I was hating Zoidberg before it was cooI.
Where are we gonna find a lawyer to take his case? I'll ask the head of the ACLU.
Once he's done singing.
Don't mess with Earth Kill Zoidberg! Good night! Howdy, there.
I'm a lawyer, and I'd like to help your friend out of this pickle.
- Who are you, old man? - Name's Old Man Waterfall but most folks just call me Old Man.
I'll never remember that.
I'm a veteran of three dozen wars.
Name a body part and a planet, and I've taken a bullet in it, on it.
All to keep our flag flying free.
And you want to defend Zoidberg? Are you familiar with the old robot saying, "Does not compute"? Son, to me a robot's just a garbage can with sparks coming out it.
The sparks keep me warm.
I don't condone what Dr.
Zoidberg did but I'll fight tooth and naiI for his freedom to do it.
Or I would, if I hadn't lost my teeth and nails on Mars and Saturn, respectively.
Wait, you're a lawyer? You're hired! You okay there in the embassy, Zoidberg? No! There's no cocoa marshmallows! And every night, the rats eat a little more of my foot.
Oyez, oyez, oyez! All rise for the Honorable Chief Justice Myrtle Foo and the associate justices! CounseI, you may address the court on behalf of Earth, if ready.
I was hatched ready.
Honorable judge heads, yonder crawdad done ate up our flag.
I was doing freedom of speech, Earth's most sacred right.
Your Honor, freedom of speech applies to what comes out of a mouth not what goes in.
- Can counseI cite precedent? - Yes, darling, I can.
In State of Alabama v.
Giant Space Iguana chewing the corners off the Constitution was deemed nonprotected speech.
He shut you up, O'Connor.
Mr.
Waterfall, you may present arguments on behalf of Dr.
Zoidberg.
Oh, God, I'm nervous.
Two of my three hearts are having attacks.
Court's kind of fun when it's not my ass on the line.
Nachos? Oh, land-o-Goshen.
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