7. 175257 - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song (第9季)【完整台词】

- What? Just for a few seconds so I can know what it is.

Please? All right, fine.

But if I enjoy this, you have only yourself to blame! - Why am I hearing cheering? - It's okay.

It's just a football game.

- It's just football? - You were all worried for nothing.

It's football! It's just football! This is great! This is the first time I've ever enjoyed football! I think it may be customary to get a beer! What the? - What are you doing? - You don't wanna see what I just saw! What are you guys doing? Oh, my God! Is that Richard? Okay, please laugh for Mommy.

Please? Please laugh for Mommy.

Not funny, huh? Well, so is it only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general.

Because Mommy can rap.

I can't rap.

All right, sweetheart.

This is only because I love you so much.

And I know that you're not gonna tell anybody.

Emma, you're laughing! You are! You really do like big butts, don't you? You beautiful little weirdo.

You missed it! She was laughing! It was amazing.

It was amazing.

It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound.

I know, isn't it? What'd you do to get her to laugh? You know, I just A couple of things I tried.

Different Just sang a little "The ltsy-Bitsy Spider.

" You sang "Baby Got Back," didn't you? Nothing else worked! That girl is all about the ass! And then it goes back to the chorus.

Resolve.

And that's the end of the song.

I realize you hadn't asked to hear it but no one had spoken in 17 minutes.

Phoebe writes lots of songs.

What was that one you sang the other night? "Pervert Parade"? - "Ode to a Pubic Hair"? - Stop.

Oh, God.

Is that veal? Mom, I thought I told you, Phoebe's a vegetarian.

No, that's okay.

That's okay.

I mean, I am a vegetarian except for veal.

Yeah.

No.

Veal I love.

- Phoebe, you don't have to eat that.

- Any baby animals.

Kittens, fish babies.

But, you know, especially veal.

You know, and this nice vein of fat running through it.

Yummy.

So what do you think? So you stole that tape from Richard's apartment? Listen to the judgment from the porn star! That tape was never meant to be seen by Joey, I would feel more comfortable if this conversation were in private.

Monica, look, I don't think you and I have any secrets anymore.

Not ready to joke about it yet? See you later.

Why in the world would you take this tape? And why would you watch it? Because that's who I am.

Okay? I'm sure a man like Richard could see a tape like that and not be bothered.

It'd just be another saucy anecdote for him to share at his men's club over brandy and mustaches.

Is all of this about you not being able to grow a mustache? This is about you and Richard.

He's clearly not over you.

He keeps a tape so he can look at it whenever he wants.

Isn't that sad? Can't you see how pathetic that is? Don't be jealous.

You should feel bad for him.

Yeah, well, poor Richard, he I can grow a mustache.

This is not our problem.

We have each other.

That's all that matters.

But I just keep picturing you rolling around with him, with your cowboy boots in the air.

Cowboy boots? I've never worn cowboy boots in my whole life.

Good, good.

Play more because I wanna see how it ends.

- That's not me! - What? That's not you! Life is good again! Ride 'em, cowgirl! That bastard taped over me! Is that a problem? It's just so insulting.

Spring for a new blank tape, doctor! I can't imagine what he sees in her.

She actually makes me miss that pill-popping ex-wife of his.

Hello, dear.

- What's going on? - We were just chitchatting.

- How's your friend? - A little better.

Do you know who's moving back into town? Tom and Sue's daughter, Jen.

You remember her, Michael.

She's lovely, well-behaved and single.

- I'm not interested.

- Please, darling, let's be honest.

You can have all the sailor fun you want with that one.

- But let's be real.

- All right, stop.

All Phoebe has done is try and get you to like her.

Maybe it's not clear but she did her best.

- She's a little different than you are.

- Michael, a pimp spit in her mouth.

So what? If I can get past that, it shouldn't bother you.

You don't have to like her.

Just accept the fact that I do.

If you can't even be civil to the woman I love - The woman you what? - Yeah, the woman you what? The woman I love.

I love you.

Something I shouldn't say for the first time, in front of my parents and Tom and Sue.

Who are, by the way, the most sinfully boring people I've ever met in my life.

- I love you too.

- You do? How great is this? Wanna get out of here? - Mom, Dad.

Thanks for dinner.

- I had a great time.

It was really top-drawer.

And here's something rich.

Thirteen bathrooms in this place, I threw up in the coat closet.

Ta-ta! One more time from the top! Rachel, please! That is so inappropriate!