7. 175257 - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song (第9季)【完整台词】

Yeah, I can see it.

Look at these videos.

I mean, who does he think he is? "Magnum Force", "Dirty Harry", Cool Hand Luke.

- Oh, my God.

- What? There's a tape here with Monica's name on it.

A tape with a girl's name on it.

It's probably a sex tape.

Wait a minute.

This says "Monica.

" And this is Richard's apartment.

Get there faster! Wow.

You look like my mom.

I'm wearing pantyhose.

- Great! Come on in.

- Okay.

Thank you.

- Oh, my God.

You're rich.

- No, my parents are rich.

Well, so? They gotta die someday.

Hello! Mom, Dad, this is Phoebe.

Phoebe, these are my parents, Theodore and Bitsy.

Theodore, Bitsy what a delight.

- It's so nice to finally meet you.

- And you.

Your home is lovely.

Thank you.

I'll give you a tour later.

It's actually three floors.

Holy crap! Why don't you come meet our friends.

Try and stop me.

- What are you doing? - Trying to get your parents to like me.

I'm sure they will, but you don't have to do this.

I want them to get to know Phoebe, not "Phoebe.

" - You've got it.

- All right.

It's hard to stop.

Well, come on.

Phoebe, these are our friends Tom and Sue Engel.

Phoebe, come sit.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

- So where are you from? - Okay.

Well, all right.

Originally, I'm from upstate but then my mom killed herself, and my stepdad went to prison.

So I moved to the city, where I lived in a burned-out Buick LeSabre for a while.

Which was okay.

That was okay.

Until I got hepatitis, you know because this pimp spit in my mouth and But I got over it.

And, anyway, now I'm a freelance massage therapist which isn't always steady money, but at least I don't pay taxes.

So where does everyone summer? - Oh, God, this is not going well.

- No, you're doing fine.

Really.

- Why don't you go talk to my dad.

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Still sure about me being myself? - Absolutely.

Though maybe just a little less "pimp spit.

" So, Theodore, I can see where Mike gets his good looks from.

Well - You must work out all the time.

- Not all the time.

I do the best I can.

Yeah, I bet.

Look out! - Oh, my God.

Are you okay? - I recently had surgery.

- I'm so sorry.

- No, I'll be fine.

- I just should check the stitches.

- I really am sorry.

How could you know? Why wouldn't you punch me in the stomach? Did you just hit my dad? Yes.

I'm sorry.

I've never met a boyfriend's parents before.

But, I mean, you have met humans before, right? Why don't you go talk to my mom.

Okay, yeah, your mom.

She looks nice.

I can talk to her.

You do that, and I'm gonna go check my dad for signs of internal bleeding.

Bitsy? Listen, I wanted to thank you again for having me here tonight.

Well, not at all.

Also, I just want you to know what a wonderful man your son is.

- Thank you.

I think so too.

- It's a testament to how he was raised.

Especially to you, because he's very respectful of women.

- Is he really? - He is so considerate of my feelings.

You know, I think you'd also like to know that he is a very gentle lover.

Excuse me? No, don't get me wrong.

No, not in like a sissy way.

When he gets going he can rattle a headboard like a sailor on leave.

That's my boy.

Awesome.

I'm not gonna watch it.

I don't need to watch it.

I mean, what good could possibly come from watching it? Well, we know I'm gonna watch it.

- Hey, dude, what's up? - Don't judge me! I'm only human! Did you take that tape? I had to! Lmagine you were married and you found a tape of your wife in another guy's apartment.

Wouldn't you need to know what was on it? I don't know.

Who am I married to? Some girl.

She hot? How did she get me to settle down? All right, I'm gonna watch it.

I mean, it's probably not even what I think it is.

Even if it is, it can't possibly be as bad as what I'm picturing in my head.

Can it? See, in my experience, if a girl says yes to being taped she doesn't say no to much else, I'll tell you.

- Then you have to watch it for me.