And that's why, no matter what Mommy says we really were on a break.
Yes, we were.
Yes, we were.
Come here, gorgeous.
Look at you.
You are the cutest little baby ever.
You're just a little-bitty baby, you know that? But you've got You've got big, beautiful eyes.
Yes, you do.
And a And a big, round belly.
Big baby butt.
I like big butts.
Oh, my God, Emma.
You're laughing.
Oh, my God.
You've never done that before, have you? You've never done that before.
Daddy made you laugh, huh? Well, Daddy and Sir Mix-A-Lot.
What? What? You wanna hear some more? I'm a terrible father.
The One With Ross' Inappropriate Song mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 - What do you know about investments? - How come? I'm starting to make good money on the show, and I should do something with it.
- What do you do with your money now? - It's taped to the back of my toilet tank.
I didn't say that.
It's in a bank guarded by robots.
- Do you have any ideas? - A guy at work got me excited about going in on an emu farm.
That'd be kind of cool, huh? Pitching in on the weekends, helping to plant the emus.
Joe, emus are birds.
You raise them for meat.
Yeah.
Right! People eat birds.
Bird meat.
Do they just fly into your mouth? Or you go in a restaurant and say: "Excuse me, I'll have a bucket of fried bird.
" Or maybe just a wing.
Or a You should consider something a little less risky.
I think real estate is your best investment.
The Fed just lowered the rates, and the interest on your mortgage is deductible.
That's right.
I know some stuff.
Real estate, huh? And you know who's selling a great apartment? Richard! And you know whose knowledge of her ex-boyfriend is shocking? Monica! - My dad told me.
They play golf together.
- Well, maybe I'll join them sometime.
I just hope the club doesn't slip out of my hand and beat the mustache off his face.
Hi! You have to help me pick a dress.
I'm meeting Mike's parents tonight.
Wow, the boyfriend's parents.
That's a big step.
- Really? That hadn't occurred to me.
- They'll love you.
Just be yourself.
They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue.
Yeah, she can't be herself.
Okay, so, all right, which dress? - You can say neither.
- Oh, God.
Neither.
I'm sorry.
We'll take you shopping.
It'll be fine.
You are in such good hands, and I am so good with meeting parents.
With the father, you wanna flirt a little, but not in a gross way.
Just kind of like, "Mr.
Pinzer, I can see where Wallace gets his good looks.
" - You went out with Wallace Pinzer? - He took the SATs for me.
- I knew you didn't get a 1400! - Yeah, well, duh! I mean So now, what about with Mike's mom? Well, with the mother, just constantly tell her how amazing her son is.
Take it from me.
Moms love me.
Ross' mom one time actually said I am like the daughter that she never had.
- She said what? - She's like the daughter she never had.
Listen.
I just got Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents.
She's so nervous.
It's so sweet.
Guess what.
I made Emma laugh today.
You what? And I missed it because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie?! Yeah, and it was like a real little person laugh too.
It was like: Only not creepy.
- What did you do to make her laugh? - I Well, I sang.
Actually I rapped "Baby Got Back.
" You what? You sang to our baby daughter a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses? You know what, if you think about it it actually promotes a healthy body image because even big butts or "juicy doubles" are Please don't take her away from me.
Hi, come on in.
I'm Catherine, the listing agent.
Hi, I'm Joey.
This is Chandler.
So how come Richard's selling the place? Went bankrupt? Medical malpractice? Choked on his own mustache? He's buying a much bigger place.
It's got a great view of Central Park That's enough out of you.
Is there anything we should know about the place? All the appliances are included.
There's a lot of light, a new kitchen.
I think you guys would be very happy here.
No, we're not together.
We're definitely not a couple.
- Okay.
Sorry.
- That's all right.
Wow, you seemed pretty insulted by that.
What, I'm not good enough for you? We are not gonna have this conversation again.
Look at this place.
Why am I so intimidated by this guy? Pretentious art.
This huge, macho couch.
When we know all he does is sit around crying about losing Monica to a real man.
- You don't think he's here, do you? - I don't know.
It's a nice place, but I gotta say, I don't know if I see myself living here.
Well, let me see.
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