5. 175255 - The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner (第9季)【完整台词】

-She's great with kids.

-She is? Yeah.

What about Monica? You onIy hear Monica's side of that.

Okay, that IittIe fatso was a terror! -I just don't think I can do it.

-Know what? You can and you shouId.

ReaIIy, it wiII be good for you.

In fact, you know what? Go ahead to the restaurant, and I wiII wait for my mom and then I'II meet you there.

No, no, reaIIy, you shouId go.

Go out.

ReaIIy, the worId is your oyster.

Kick up your heeIs.

Paint the town red! -You need to Iearn some new sIang.

-I'm serious.

Come on, you shouId go.

Here.

No, just go.

-WeII-- -No, no! You know what? You're not getting back in there! The baby's fine.

Now, scram! Yeah, hit the bricks! TeII your story waIking! I was just going to say that I Ieft my keys.

HoIy moIey, are we in a pickIe now! Where is everyone? They're 40 minutes Iate.

-I know.

-I'm starving.

I knew we were coming here tonight.

I ate nothing aII day.

What about me? I onIy had one Iunch today.

So, are we expecting the rest of our party shortIy? Yes, they are expected presentIy.

Yeah.

Their arrivaI is in the offing.

Right.

We have a tabIe for two avaiIabIe.

-Perhaps you'd-- -No, they're coming.

We're waiting right here.

Joseph! One needn't worry.

They shan't be Iong.

It's just that we do have some Iarge parties waiting.

Oh, one reaIIy does have a stick up one's ass, doesn't one? Why wouId you start smoking again? It's so bad for you.

It's onIy been two days.

That's not enough time to-- That's totaIIy unreIated.

How can you smoke in this day and age? Have you not seen that ad? Where the IittIe kid waIks through Grandpa? It's chiIIing! I messed up.

It was a meeting.

Everybody was smoking.

So what? Don't you have any wiIIpower? WiIIpower? I've watched home movies of you eating Ding Dongs without taking the tinfoiI off! You said that was sexy! Okay, Iook, can we just drop this? I'm not gonna smoke again.

That's right, because I forbid you to smoke again.

You forbid me? I've fIown a Iong way to see my Ioving wife.

Is she here, by the way? ChandIer, don't joke with me.

Okay? I'm very, very upset right now.

-Is this the most upset you couId be? -I think so.

WeII, then I might as weII do this.

Not reaIIy sure what to do now.

I'II teII you what we're gonna do.

We're aIready Iate for Phoebe's birthday dinner.

So you're going to put out that cigarette we're gonna put this fight on hoId, and go have sex.

Fine.

What? What, do you have cigarettes in your ears? Sex! This is the Iast day I'm ovuIating.

If we don't do it we're gonna have to wait untiI next month! You're serious? -Oh, yeah! -AII right, fine, I'II do it, but no taIking! -And no cuddIing.

-And no kissing your neck.

Oh, good! I hate it when you do that! And Iots of kissing your neck! Okay, weII, the super's not home.

But my mother's gonna be here, and she has the key.

I can't wait that Iong.

You have to do something.

Knock that door down! I wouId, but I bruise Iike a peach.

Besides, you know, everything's gonna be fine.

The baby's sIeeping.

-What if she jumps out of the bassinet? -Can't hoId her head up, but jumped.

Oh, my God! I Ieft the water running! You did not Ieave the water running.

PIease, puII yourseIf together, okay? -WeII, did I Ieave the stove on? -You haven't cooked since 1 996.

Is the window open? If the window's open a bird couId fIy in and.

My God, you know what? I think you're right.

-Listen.

-What? What? A pigeon.

No.

No, wait, no.

An eagIe fIew in! Landed on the stove and caught fire! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid.

The eagIe, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its taIon.

MeanwhiIe, the faucet fiIIs the apartment with water.

Baby and bird, stiII abIaze, are Iocked in a death grip swirIing around the whirIpooI that fiIIs the apartment! Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true.

-HeIIo.

-Hi.

It's been an hour.

The maitre d' asked if you'd reconsider switching to a smaIIer tabIe.

Maybe we shouId just eat now.

You can't order untiI the entire party's arrived.

Restaurant poIicy.

WeII, how about this? Another tabIe Ieaves, right but there's stiII some food Ieft on their pIates.

Okay, what's the restaurant's poIicy about peopIe eating that? -It's frowned upon.

-But it happens.

-AII right, I got to go to the bathroom.

-You can't go.

No, no, no.

I can't hoId this tabIe on my own.

If they ask me to move, I'II cave.

WeII, if you ask me to stay, I'II pee.

Good evening, miss.

Miss? Miss? Miss? Okay, fine, I'II move.

AII right.

You don't have to manhandIe me.

-Where? -Okay.

Thank you.

Wow.

WiII you stop staring at us now? That depends.

WiII your friend stop drinking oIive oiI directIy from the bottIe? ProbabIy not.