It's so weird.
How did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? - I thought you'd end up kissing Charlie.
- I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too.
But surprise! I missed most of the party.
Charlie's a girl, right? Yeah, she's this new professor in my department that I did not kiss.
I don't know why Joey had to kiss her.
Of all the girls at the party, God! - Why do you care so much? - Yes, Rachel.
Why do you care so much? Because Ross is the father of my child.
You know, and I want him to hook up with lots of women.
All I'm saying is, I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common.
I don't know.
They seemed to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils.
Wow.
Joey and a professor.
Can you imagine if they had kids? And if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism those nerds would get laid! All right.
So, Ross, you're okay with all this? I mean It's no big deal.
I just met her.
I'm fine with it.
God, I forgot how hot she was.
I'm gonna get some more coffee.
- Oh, you know, I'll come with you.
- Okay.
- So a professor, huh? - Yeah.
She is cool.
And she's so smart.
Her mind is totally acrimonious.
Guess that's not how she used it.
I feel like I owe you an explanation.
I don't ordinarily go around kissing guys at parties.
I'm Well, I'm kind of embarrassed.
I really hope you don't think less of me.
Think less of you? No.
I don't think less of you.
I mean, you saw someone you liked and you kissed them.
Those people who like someone and don't kiss them those people are stupid.
I hate those people.
Actually, I'm a little surprised at myself.
I mean, Joey's so different from the guys I usually date.
They're all professors, intellectuals.
Paleontologists mostly.
- You know, very cerebral - Yeah, I know the type.
If we want to grab a bite before work, we'd better get acrimonious.
No? Am I getting close? The One With The Fertility Test mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 - Hey! - Hi.
Hey, you guys.
Look what I just got.
Oh, wow! I love those! Where did you get them? I bought them off eBay.
They used to belong to the late Shania Twain.
Phoebe, Shania Twain is still alive.
Oh, then I overpaid.
Hey, what's this? Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new spa in SoHo.
You can't show Phoebe this.
She hates those corporate massage chains.
What, now I can't get a massage? There are so many things that she disapproves of.
I can't eat veal.
I can't wear fur.
I can't go hunting.
- Do you want to go hunting? - I would like to have the option.
What's that? Hey, Rachel? No, you can't go there! You know how I feel about these big massage places.
They're putting people like me out of business.
She wants to go hunting too! Phoebe, come on, I don't want to waste it.
It would be like throwing away 100 bucks.
Okay, this is not about the money.
Okay? It's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us hollow shells.
I don't care about any of that.
Well, do you care about friendship? I feel really strongly about this.
Please don't use this gift certificate.
I'm asking you as a friend.
Oh, not as a friend.
Phoebe! Fine.
I won't use it.
- Promise? - I promise.
- Thank you.
- Well, I am going hunting.
Hey, honey.
I missed you today.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
Hey.
- What do you wanna do tonight? - Oh, well, maybe we could Okay, trying to turn me on by making a mess? Know your audience.
Besides, tomorrow we're doing those fertility tests.
Until then, you need to keep your tadpoles in the tank.
Do we really need to take those tests? We've been trying to have a baby for a year.
I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's okay.
- Just a few routine tests.
- But I don't want to do it in a cup.
- What is the big deal? - It's weird! You're in a doctor's office.
It's not okay to do it in a doctor's office but it is okay to do it in a parked car behind a Taco Bell? I cannot believe Ross told you that.
And in my defense, it was a Wendy's.
Look, I don't want to do these tests either.
But I really do think it's a good idea.
I'm sure a doctor's office can't be worse than on a class trip to the Hershey factory.
Oh, yeah! Rachel talks too! Who says wine has to cost more than milk? - Hey! - Hi.
- Come on in.
How are you? - I'm good.
- Can I offer you a drink? - Please.
I have been crazed all day.
I had a meeting with the dean, my syllabus for summer school's due and I'm writing the foreword for a book.
I had a pretty hectic day at work too.
Today I had to open a door and go: So I am just so excited to be here.
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