"Previously on" Friends: I've been at this for 17 hours.
- How many centimeters am I dilated? - Three.
Just three? I'm dilated three! - We talk about having babies someday.
- We're gonna try? - Right here? - No, not here.
Maybe here.
Your grandma's engagement ring, I want you to give it to Rachel.
- Mom, no.
- This isn't some girl you picked up in a bar and humped.
I take it you're just visiting someone? - Wanna visit someone else? - I would like that.
- That's him.
- Great.
Go get him! Maybe you could go in first.
I'm Dr.
Drake Ramoray.
I have a few routine questions.
Do you sleep with women and never call them again? Oh, my God! Should we tell Rachel there's an empty room right next to hers? We could.
Or we could have sex in it.
Well, let me think about that.
While I remove my pants! Okay, mister! Fertilize me! Does that sound like Janice? If it's not, then there's two of them.
And that would mean it's the end of the world! The One Where Rachel has a Baby - Part II mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I can't believe this is taking so long.
How are you? Not bad.
You know that feeling, trying to blow a Saint Bernard out your ass? Weirdest thing.
Did I hear? Mother of God, it's true! Chandler Bing! Janice.
Not just Janice.
Janice in labor.
Contracting and everything.
Oh, this should be easy.
I have a very wide pelvis.
You remember, Chandler.
I didn't know you were pregnant.
Who's the unwitting human whose essence you've stolen? It's you.
This is yours.
What? Look how nervous he gets! We haven't slept together in years! That's funny.
Does it hurt? Does the labor hurt? Okay, I have one.
If you had to, which would you eat? A Seeing Eye dog or a talking gorilla? I'd have to say the talking gorilla.
'Cause at least I could explain to him that you're making me eat him.
- Oh.
Somebody went to college.
- Yeah.
Wow.
What is it? I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
My foot itches like crazy.
Oh.
I'll get it.
I usually get to know a girl better before I let her spoon me.
Relax.
It's not like we're forking.
Oh, that's five, Ross.
Five women have had five babies and I have had no babies.
Why doesn't she want to come out? I think you made such a nice home for her the last nine months, that she just doesn't want to leave.
Oh, look at you making up crap for me.
- Oh, God.
- Okay.
Okay.
Twenty-one hours.
You're a hero.
Do something! Get me drugs or you light a fire up in there and just smoke it out! I think you're ready to go to the delivery room.
What? Ten centimeters.
You're about to become a mom.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
Beat you, sucker! Oh, baby.
Oh, my God! That's the doctor who was in my room before.
Oh.
Okay, Mr.
Percocet.
I'm telling you, the guy from that show was here asking me all these weird questions.
Do you really believe that a character from a TV show was here? Rachel's having her baby! That's him! You know him? Okay.
Okay.
L Okay.
I sent my friend, Joey, in here to find out stuff about you.
If it, you know, if it helps, you came off great.
A lot better than I'm coming off right now.
I don't believe this.
You had him pretend he was a fake doctor? Fake? Excuse me? Hello? - You tried making me think I was crazy? - That was wrong.
I'm so sorry.
It's just that I liked you so much.
Can we just start over? I don't think so.
If I may? You told me a lot of personal stuff about you, right? Now, maybe it would help if you knew some personal stuff about her.
She was married to a gay ice dancer.
She gave birth to her brother's triplets.
Her twin sister used to do porn.
- We're trying to dial down the crazy.
- Right.
We don't know each other, so it'd be easy to forget this but there's something between us.
I don't know about you but that doesn't happen to me a lot.
- It doesn't happen to me, either.
- Me, neither! Push.
Push.
We're gonna push for five more seconds.
Five, four Three, two, one! Oh! The next contraction will be in 20 seconds.
- I can't push anymore! - You're doing great.
Oh, God! Twenty seconds, my ass! Here we go.
Okay, keep pushing.
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