Hi.
So I'm doing the "Soap Opera Digest" crossword puzzle and guess who is the clue for three down? "Days of Our Lives" star, blank Tribbiani.
" That's me! I'm blank! How cool! We know three down! I'm touching three down.
Yeah, you are, baby.
Three down knows I'm married.
What's three down doing? Do they call to tell you you're in it? No.
They wanted to do a profile on me.
I said no.
Why'd you say no? Remember the last interview I did? I said I write my own lines, the writers got mad and I fell down an elevator shaft.
Who knows what I'd say now? If only there was something in your head to control what you say.
Come on, you'll keep it in check this time.
The publicity would be good for you.
You deserve that.
In the interview, you could mention, I don't know, "gal pal Rachel Green.
" Is that "gal pal" spelled L-O-S-E-R? - Okay, don't listen to him.
Please? - Fine, all right, I'll do it.
You have to be there to stop me if I say something stupid.
Just then, or all the time? Because we have jobs, you know? We'll be there the whole time.
Just remember: Gal pal, Rachel Green.
I'm gonna be in "Soap Opera Digest"! And not just in the dumb crossword.
Seriously, proud of you.
The One With Joey's Interview mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 - Thanks for taking the time for this.
- Not at all.
Happy to do it.
You think we're being obvious? No.
We're just four people with neck problems, who talk like this.
It's great that we met here.
When people hear the magazine's paying, they want a big, fancy restaurant.
Actually, I didn't know the magazine was paying.
Wouldn't have mattered.
I do this for the fans, not the free food.
- Can I get you anything? - Coffee.
And I'll have all the muffins.
- Hey.
- We're not talking.
Oh, finally.
According to your bio, you've done quite a bit of work.
Anything that you're particularly proud of? All you want is a dingle What you envy's a shwang A thing through which you can tinkle "Or play with", "or simply let hang" This ever happen? You want a glass of milk but these darn cartons are so hard to open! "Boy", "you said it", "Mike.
" - There's gotta be a better way! "- There is", "Kevin!" This is the first time he's ever used this.
It's easy.
- This works in any milk carton.
- It is easy.
Now I can have milk every day.
So this is it, Victor? Yeah, I guess it is.
And so I'm gonna get on this spaceship and I'm gonna go to Blargon 7 in search of alternative fuels.
But when I return 200 years from now, you'll be long gone.
But I won't have aged at all.
So you tell your great-great- granddaughter to look me up.
Because, Adrian baby I'm gonna want to meet her.
Here I come.
I'm coming to fix the copier.
I can't get to the copier.
I'm thinking, "What do I do?" So I just watch them have sex.
And then I say Wait, here's my line: "You know", "that's bad" for the paper tray.
- Nice work, my friend.
- Wait, you see me again.
Hang on, the guy's butt's blocking me.
There I am.
There I am.
There I am.
There are so many things, it's hard to pick just one.
I'm getting coffee.
Want anything? - A blueberry muffin and chamomile tea.
- Double latte.
- A bagel with only - I was just being polite.
How about when you're not working? What do you do in your spare time? Look at this clown.
He thinks he can take up the whole river.
Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat "Coast Guard", anyway? That is the Coast Guard.
What are they doing out here? The coast is way over there! This is unbelievable.
Joey has been holding his breath for almost four minutes.
Dude, are you trying to kill me? Well, I see you've had a very productive day.
- Isn't the cowboy hat a little much? - Come on, it's fun! All right.
Isn't this a woman's hat? Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea.
We have to turn off the porn.
I think you're right.
- All right, ready? - One.
- Two, three.
- Three.
That's kind of nice.
- It's kind of a relief.
- Yeah.
- You wanna see if we still have it? - Yeah.
Free porn! We have free porn here! In my spare time, I read to the blind.
And I'm also a mento for kids.
- A mento? - You know, a mento.
A role model.
- A mento? - Right.
- Like the candy? - As a matter of fact, I do.
Our readers always want to know how soap stars stay in such great shape.
Do you have a fitness regime? We stars usually just try to eat right and get lots of exercise.
You know we've thrown this without dropping it for an hour? Are you serious? I realized it a half-hour ago, but I didn't want to jinx it.
- Wow, we are pretty good at this.
- Yeah.
Hey, we totally forgot about lunch.
That's the first time I've ever missed a meal.
My pants are a little loose.
What's wrong with you? I got this blinding pain in my stomach when I was lifting weights.
And then I passed out.
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