Is it okay if I bring someone to your parents' anniversary? - Sure.
- Yeah.
- Who's the guy? - Parker, we met at the cleaners.
Did he put a little starch in your bloomers? Who said that? No, he's really great, though.
He has this incredible zest for life.
He treats me like a queen.
Except when he treats me like a naughty girl.
Would it be okay if I give the toast? Even after what happened at their 20th? - I'd really like to.
- Hopefully this time Mom won't boo you.
Yes! Every year Ross makes the toast, and it always makes them cry.
- This year, I'm gonna make them cry.
- You wonder why Ross is their favorite? Any time Ross makes a toast, everyone cries and pats him on the back.
And they all come up to me and say, "God, your brother.
" You know what they're gonna say this year? "God, you.
" Well, at least one person will be crying.
I'm an actor, and any actor worth his salt can cry on cue.
- Really? You can do that? - Oh, you kidding me? Watch.
Well, I can't do it with you guys watching me! The One in Massapequa mrnch@dh.
net.
mk Subtitle Editor (c) Digital Higherground - Igor Janevski, 2004 - What are you doing? - I'm working on my toast.
Or as I like to call it: "Sob-fest 2002.
" - Hey, check this out.
- It's a dog.
It's a dead dog.
Chi-Chi.
She died when I was in high school.
- You're talking about a dead pet? - It's good stuff, huh? Joey? You got a present for my parents? In honor of their 35th anniversary, I had a star named after them.
- That is so cool.
- And I got "Kama Sutra for the Elderly.
" - Do you guys have any extra ribbon? - Sure.
What do you need? We got lace, satin, sateen, raffia, gingham, felt And I think my testicles may be in here too.
Chi-Chi! Oh, I loved this dog.
Monica couldn't get braces because Chi-Chi needed knee surgery.
- What? - You're the 200-pounder that rode her! Hey! Everybody, this is Parker.
Parker, this is No, don't tell me.
Let me guess: Joey, Monica, Ross, Rachel and I'm sorry, Phoebe didn't mention you.
Chandler, I'm kidding! Already you're my favorite.
- Tell me a little about yourselves.
- Actually, we should get going.
Classic Ross! Rachel, look how you glow! May I? I think you already are.
Rachel, you have life growing inside you.
Is there anything more miraculous A picture of a dog! Whose is this? That's my old dog.
He passed away years ago.
Well, at least you were lucky to have him.
Bow-wow, old friend.
Bow-wow.
- So where's the party? - It's in Massapequa.
Massapequa, it sounds magical.
Is it steeped in Native American history? Well, there is an Arby's in the shape of a tepee.
I got my notes.
You got the presents? - I've got the car keys.
- We're driving? Aces.
- So he seems like a nice guy.
- Yeah, I like him a lot.
- You want to hang back and take a cab? - Okay, otherwise I'm not going.
- Hey, Mom.
- This is such a great party! Thirty-five years.
Impressive.
Do you have any pearls of wisdom? - Jack? - Why serve food on such a sharp stick? It's a good question, Dad.
It's a good question.
- Congratulations, you two.
- Thank you, we're so excited.
And also, congratulations on your wedding.
- Can we talk to you for just a moment? - Yeah.
It's just a little thing.
While we think it's marvelous you're having this baby out of wedlock our friends are less open-minded.
- We told them you're married.
- What? Thanks for going along with this.
- We have to pretend that we're married? - I had to shave my ears.
You can do this.
- Can you believe that? - I know.
If you do the ears, you may as well take a pass at the nose.
I don't want to have to lie about being married.
I don't either.
But it's their party, and it's one night.
We don't have to lie.
We won't talk.
If it comes up, we'll smile, we'll nod along - Ross? - Rachel? Hi, Aunt Lisa.
Uncle Dan.
Congratulations on the baby and on the wedding.
- Here's something to start you out.
- How's marriage treating you? - Unbelievable.
It's great! - I love marriage.
We'll see you later.
- Hey! - Hi! What a beautiful place.
What a great night.
I have to tell you, being here with all of you in Event Room C I feel so lucky.
Think of the good times that happened here.
The birthdays, the proms, the mitzvahs, both bar and bat! None will compare with tonight.
I don't want to forget it.
It's like I want to take a mental picture of you all.
Click.
I don't think the flash went off.
- I'm gonna find the men's room.
- Me too.
There is someone with a tranquilizer gun and a net looking for that man.
I have to go too, but I don't want him complimenting my thing.
Glad we weren't in the car.
Did he let up? He called the Long Island Expressway a "concrete miracle.
" This room.
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