15. 227415 - The One With the Birthing Video (第8季)【完整台词】

- Joey suggested Rachel move in with me.

- Yeah, right.

- What? - Joey cracks me up.

"Have your ex-wife move in.

That wouldn't be awkward.

" Lmagine, I go away for a few days and my boyfriend is living with a woman he got pregnant.

So, what'd you tell him? You didn't tell Mona Rachel moved in? She seemed to think it was such a crazy idea.

Plus, she got me taffy.

- Really? I've never had any.

- Ever? My mom was too busy planning her suicide to provide saltwater treats.

Thank you.

Are you gonna tell her? I will.

I want to butter her up first.

I'm gonna take her to dinner, do all this romantic stuff.

When she thinks I'm the best boyfriend ever I'll tell her my pregnant ex-girlfriend is living with me.

If I haven't said it before, she's a lucky, lucky lady.

So where are? What the crap is up with this stuff? Is it gum? Is it food? What's the deal? Oh, it's nice.

May I try a pink one? So between her and me being friends, and her history with Ross it just isn't gonna happen.

It'd be like you falling in love with a cat.

- Hey.

- Hey.

How's my favorite dog, huh? How's my favorite dog? You're subdued.

- Did you give him a beer? - No.

- Will you excuse us? We need to talk.

- Sure.

Oh, me, right.

- He's miserable.

What happened to him? - Nothing.

- We talked about stuff.

- What stuff? Rachel stuff.

Oh, Joey, you bummed him out! This is the happiest dog in the world.

He spends a day with you, and look! He's breathing.

- I'll take him to Wendy's.

- He's fine.

Look.

Here's your ball! Get your ball! Get your ball! God, what have I done to you? I broke the dog, Pheebs! I broke the dog! I'm going to pick up Mona.

What are you doing tonight? Oh, I've got big Valentine's plans.

I've got Chinese food on the way, and your saltwater taffy.

Interestingly, it isn't made with seawater We actually watched the documentary together.

Oh, my Chinese food.

I'll get my cash.

Mona? What are? Hi! How are you? I'm supposed to pick you up.

I made you a Valentine's dinner.

Surprise! - Oh! Hey, Mona! - Hi, Rachel.

What's she doing here? I have no idea.

I'll be watching TV if anybody needs me.

What is she doing? Lately she just likes hanging out here.

- Why? - I think she's lonely.

But it's Valentine's Day.

Can't we ask her to go? Well, no, she's way too emotional.

And by emotional, I mean crazy! That's just my Chinese food.

She has food delivered here? Yes, she's emotional, but ballsy.

I'm gonna get in my sweats and eat this in bed.

And you thought she was gonna be in our way! Open the champagne, and I will be right back.

- I've got a surprise.

- You got another ex-wife back there? Please start drinking.

- I'm just gonna grab the phone.

- Rachel, wait.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way.

- What are you doing? - Do you need the phone? No.

Ross is too nice to say it, but this is his apartment.

We need boundaries, so why don't you go back to your place? But, Mona, I live here.

Happy Valentine's Day! Or, something to remember me by.

- How long has it been this time? - Ninety seconds.

Ninety seconds is a long time not to think about it.

Except all I did was think about it.

I know.

It haunts me.

Till now, the worst thing I'd seen was my dad doing shots off the houseboy.

After this, I would gladly make that my screen saver.

We have to get past this.

We'll pretend it never existed.

I could do that.

Now all we gotta do is get rid of this chair.

- Oh, thank God! - I know.

Come in! Hi.

I'm sorry to barge in on your Valentine.

I had to get away from the yelling.

Mona's dumping Ross.

- Oh, my God.

- Poor Ross.

We watch him do yoga in his underwear, but for this he closes the drapes.

You know that birthing tape you wanted to see? It's here.

We should warn you before you watch it.

Don't watch it.

You saw it? Is it scary? It's ironic how footage of someone being born can make you want to kill yourself.

Now I'm all freaked out.

Will you watch it with me? No, but I'll leave a sweater that smells like me right next to you.

Seriously, you're not gonna make me watch this alone.

She's right.

Of course not.

Honey, get the tape.

This reminds me of a very specific part of the tape.

Here we go.

Okay.

Oh, my.

"All right", "baby.

One more time.

" Why is that baby torturing that woman? Why have I seen this thing three times? It's beautiful.

- It's horrible! - I know, I know! I'm so sorry for you! - You guys! You guys, look! - What? Did her ass explode? No, the baby's out.