Do you realize we're getting married in four weeks? Four weeks, baby.
Four weeks! You realize you get louder each week? There's still so much to do! Have you written your vows? I figured I'd just buy those.
"Pat, I'd like to buy a vow.
" You know I've no sense of humor when it comes to this.
- Right.
Have you written yours yet? - No, but I know what I'm gonna say.
Do you happen to know what I'm gonna say? Let's do it now.
It won't be hard.
Say what's in your heart.
Look at her go.
She must love me more than I love her! What's wrong with me? Oh, don 't open that door.
The One with the Vows "Monica, there are no words" There are no words! This shouldn't be this hard! You've done this before.
What did you say in your vows? With Carol I promised never to love another woman until I die.
She made no such promise.
I'm pathetic.
Monica knows what to say, you should have seen her.
What's the emergency? You have to help me write my vows.
All I have is this.
I like the pretty drawing of you in the wedding dress.
- Thank you.
- Except your breasts look small.
Those are my eyes! - Those are my breasts.
- Oh, yeah.
Why don't you start with something simple? "Monica, from the moment I met you I knew I loved you.
" I can't do that.
Everyone, this is Chandler.
Hi, I'm Ross' little sister.
Okay.
Okay, okay.
Maybe you could start with: "Chandler, even though we were friends there was a part of me that knew I wanted more.
" All right, there's a nuclear holocaust.
I'm the last man on Earth.
Would you go out with me? Are we allowed to lie in the vows? Okay, don't talk about those feelings.
Just say something about all the things he's taught you, like Or all the things you taught him.
Everybody knows the erogenous zones.
One, two, three four, five, six and seven.
There are seven? - That's one? - Kind of an important one.
I was looking at it upside down.
You know, sometimes that helps.
Okay, start out with a little one a two, a one-two-three a three, a five a four, a three-two two, a two-four-six.
Two-four-six, four, two two, four-seven five-seven, six-seven seven, seven seven, seven, seven seven! How about something like: "Monica, when I look back over our time together .
" - Yeah? - I can't do all of it.
Look back over your time together.
Oh, look, twins! No fair! I don't even have one, how come they get two? - You'll get one.
- Yeah, when? When we're 40, if neither of us are married what do you say we have one? - Why wouldn't I be married? I just meant hypothetically.
Hypothetically, why won't I be married? No, no.
What is it? Is there something unmarriable about me? Well? Dear God, this parachute is a knapsack! I'm getting married today! Think he knew I was here? Nice try.
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, Monica - This is not gonna work.
- I bet this'll work.
You are so great! I love you.
What? I said you're so great, and then I stopped talking.
- You said you love me! - No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.
- No, I didn't! - You love me! - No, I don't! Stop it! Stop it! You know, I was thinking, what if I unpack here? Then all your stuff would be here.
Well .
What if it was here? Then you'd be going back and forth all the time.
Doesn't make any sense.
Okay.
What if we live together, and you understand what I'm saying? We wanted to surprise you.
Oh, my God! Chandler in all my life I never thought I'd be so lucky as to fall in love with my best My best There's a reason why girls don't do this! Okay, okay, okay! I'll do it.
I thought I can do this.
I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it.
Then I realized the only thing that matters is that you You make me happier than I ever thought I could be.
And if you let me I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way.
Monica? Will you marry me? Yes.
Can we come in? We're dying out here! Come in! Come in! - We're engaged! - Yes! - Hi.
- What have you guys been up to? Helping Chandler write his vows.
He kicked us out.
Joey kept making inappropriate suggestions.
How is "Monica, I love your sweet ass" inappropriate? How's Monica doing? Lucky she's got a sweet ass.
She's not so good at writing.
In four weeks they're gonna be married! Let's just hope it works.
Nine out of 10 marriages end in divorce.
That's not true.
You're right.
How's the missis? I can't believe they're together 3 years.
- That long? It seems like less because they hid it from us.
Hey, it's me.
Coming in.
I've had a very long, hard day.
- I'm getting some chicken.
Want some? - No.
Bye, then.
He wouldn't leave.
He kept asking if I wanted chicken.
Chicken? I could eat some chicken.
Hey, Joe! Can I get a three-piece, coleslaw, beans and a Coke? Diet Coke.
- Why didn't they tell us? - I know, we were cool about it.
You? And you? You cannot tell.
No one knows.
How? When? - It happened in London.
- In London?! We didn't want to make a big deal out of it.
But it is a big deal! - I have to tell someone.
- No, no! - You can't.
- Please! We don't want to deal with telling them.
Just promise you won't tell.
All right! I can 't wait to be with you.
I'll tell Rachel I'm doing laundry.
Laundry? Is that my new nickname? You know your nickname, Mr.
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