Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Rach, come on.
It's your birthday! Hey .
She's not as pretty as she was when she was 29.
Ms.
Greene wants to establish some ground rules before she comes out.
Please don't use the words "old" or "downhill" or "They still look pretty damn good.
" They do.
Rachel, come on out.
Monica made breakfast.
Chocolate chip pancakes.
We've got presents.
Good ones? They're all from the list you gave us two weeks ago.
Can I keep the presents and still be 29? Come on, Rach, turning 30 is not that big a deal.
Really? Is that how you felt when you turned 30? Why, God, why? We had a deal.
Let the others grow old, not me! You guys, is it just me? Am I overreacting? No, it's not just you.
My 30th birthday sure wasn't much fun.
And now Chandler! We're all getting so old.
Why are You doing this to us? The One Where They All Turn Thirty You're in a great place in your life.
You have an amazing job, good friends.
Your roommate's a soap opera star.
Your character is in a coma.
I promised myself I wouldn't cry at this one.
I know my life's going pretty well, but I see so many people who've accomplished their goals before they're 30.
Yeah, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me.
- Come on, Phoebe! - You can do it! - Come on.
- There you go.
I did it! One mile on a Hippity Hop.
That's everything I wanted to do before I was 30.
Except I wanted to patch things up with my sister.
Oh, well.
But, yeah! Girls, this thing is a godsend, if you know what I mean.
Let's have some fun.
What do you want to do? I don't want to do anything.
Doing nothing on your 30th is better than doing something stupid, like Ross.
That was a practical purchase.
I needed that car for transportation.
Okay? I have a child.
How hot do I look in this? Ross, a sports car? Wouldn't it be cheaper to just stuff a sock down there? That's not what this is about.
I am a sports car enthusiast.
- I've always been into cars.
- What's the horsepower? I don't know, but look how shiny! - I can't believe you bought this.
- So can I have a ride, stud? Hop in.
Get ready for the smoothest ride of your life.
Damn it.
Okay, who's next? I am gonna do something today.
I won't sit around like some old lady.
I want to get something pierced.
Like my nose or my tongue or something.
Really? Because that hurts.
So what? The way I see it Son of a bitch! Look, I know what you're going through.
I'm totally freaked out about turning 25.
Get out of my apartment.
Rach, I think that you're doing great.
Let's face it, no one handles this well.
Least of all you.
Put that back on.
Monica will be here any minute.
But it hurts my Joey's apple.
For the last time, it's not named after each individual man.
You've done a wonderful job with the party.
Everything's so lovely.
Well, not as lovely as you.
I can't believe you have a And I can't believe you have a tux that's 30 years old.
It's older than that.
Ross was conceived right near this tuxedo.
Everybody hide! She's coming.
Everybody down! Everybody stay here.
I'll find out what's going on.
Hey, you got the door open! Hey, are you drunk? No.
Okay.
Okay.
See, I was a little nervous about turning 30.
So the busboys took me out for some drinks.
Might want to puke on you later.
Here's the thing.
We've thrown a very formal surprise party for you.
- Your parents and friends are in there.
- No! - Yes! Yes! - No.
Oh, no! My parents have never seen me drunk.
That they know of.
We'll get you some coffee.
They'll never know that you're drunk.
- You promise? - I'll take care of it.
I love you so much.
Okay, we have to do something about your breath.
What about your breath? That's still yours.
Now remember, it's a surprise party.
So when you go in, act surprised.
Ready? Surprise! Okay, forward.
Forward.
Stop! Okay, back Stop! Okay, for Stop! Stop! Stop! Okay, here's what we're gonna do.
I'll break into this minivan, put it in neutral.
You push it forward so Ross can get out of the spot.
All right.
Here we go.
Haul ass! Happy 30th birthday! Here.
It's for the child in you.
And the woman.
Happy 30th! Why do you keep saying that? Because it's our 30th birthday.
Yeah, no, we're not 30.
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