10. 226409 - The One With the Holiday Armadillo (第7季)【完整台词】

Here you go.

Thank you, Gunther.

Put her there.

Definitely not easier with coins.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

Hey, Pheebs.

Here.

Now I only owe you $49.

50.

Hey, Pheebs if you want to get Joey a gift that disrupts the entire building why not something more subtle like a wrecking ball or a vial of small pox to release in the hallway? It's not just the drum noise.

Every five minutes Joey throws his sticks in the air and I have to hear: "Oh, my eye! Oh, God, my eye! " - I mean, it's so annoying.

- Yes, thank you.

You see, this is how normal people are supposed to react to drums.

You got Joey drums to annoy Rachel so she wouldn't want to live there anymore? Maybe on some level.

You could just not throw the sticks up in the air.

What is rock 'n' roll about that? Hey, Joey, I got you another present.

Hold it! Before you tell me what it is .

Okay, what is it? It's a tarantula! God, Rachel, I'm sorry.

What was I thinking giving Joey this big, gross, scary spider in such a poorly constructed cage? What are you talking about? I love them.

I had a tarantula when I was a kid.

But it died because my cat ate it.

And then my cat died.

But, Joey, isn't this cool? Is it on me? I feel like it's on me.

I got Oh, isn't that adorable? Joey is afraid of the tarantula.

He's so adorable.

He's so much fun.

I'm glad you're having so much fun here.

Wait a minute.

What's the matter? Our apartment is ready.

And that makes you angry because? Because you'd rather live here with Joey.

- Where did you get that? - Monica and Chandler said you were having so much fun here and apparently no amount of drums or tarantula is gonna change that.

Did you get all this stuff for Joey to try to drive me out of the apartment? You might as well have gotten him a fish.

You know how fish freak me out.

Fish.

But it wouldn't have mattered.

We're gonna live together.

That's the deal.

Yes, but I wanted you to want to live with me.

But if you're having so much fun over here It's so much more fun with you.

- We did have fun, didn't we? - We did.

They say, if we want, we could see it tonight.

- I would love to.

- Yay, okay! - Good, good, good.

- Great.

All right.

Good.

And Monica asked me to make the drumming stop.

Done.

Hello, sir.

You here to return those pants? No, these are my pants.

Okay.

- How can I help you? - Do you have a Santa outfit left? Two days before Christmas? Sorry, man.

Okay, look.

Do you have anything Christmas-y? I promised my son, and I really don't want to disappoint him.

Come on, you gotta have something.

I'm the Holiday Armadillo! I'm a friend of Santa's and he sent me here to wish you a merry Christmas! What happened to Santa, Holiday Armadillo? Santa was unavailable so close to Christmas.

Come in, have a seat.

You must be exhausted, coming all the way from Texas.

- Texas? - That's right, Ben.

I'm Santa's representative for all the Southern states.

And Mexico! But Santa sent me here to give you these presents, Ben.

Maybe the lady will help me with these presents.

Wow, thanks! You're welcome, Ben.

Merry Christmas.

And happy Hanukkah! Are you for Hanukkah too? Because I'm part Jewish.

You are? Me too.

Because armadillos also wandered in the desert? You want to wander in the hall? Hey, Ben! What if the Holiday Armadillo told you all about the Festival of Lights? Cool! Come on, Ben.

Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees! - Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Santa! What are you doing here, Santa? Well, I'm here to see my old buddy, Ben.

What are you doing here Weird Turtle Man? I'm the Holiday Armadillo your part-Jewish friend.

You sent me here to give Ben some presents.

Remember? What? Did you bring me any presents, Santa? You bet I did, Ben.

Put her there.

Well, it would have worked this time if his hands weren't so damn small.

Ho, ho, ho! Ben, come open more gifts.

The armadillo and I will have a talk in the kitchen.

There's a sentence I never thought I'd say.

What are you doing? You said you were having trouble finding a Santa costume so I borrowed one from a guy at work.

Thank you, but you gotta leave.

- Why? - Because I'm finally getting him excited about Hanukkah and you're wrecking it.

But I didn't get to shake my belly like a bowlful of jelly.

I'm sorry, Chandler, but this is really important to me.

Fine, I'll give the suit back.

Hey, you think you can keep it another night? Santa, really? Yeah, is that okay? Did your dad ever dress up like Santa? - No.

- Then it's okay! Okay, Ben.

Santa has to go.

Say goodbye.

No, why does he have to go? Because if Santa and the Holiday Armadillo are ever in the same room for too long the universe will implode! Merry Christmas! No, why can't the armadillo leave? I want Santa.

Fine, I give up.

Santa Santa can stay! Well, I'll stay but only because I want to hear about Hanukkah.

Ben, will you sit here with Santa and learn about Hanukkah? Okay, Santa.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

All right, it's time for the story of Hanukkah.

Years and years ago there were these people called the Maccabees! Merry Christmas! Oh, wow, look at this place! Oh, this is terrible.

They've made so many changes I can't even feel my grandmother's presence anymore.

Oh, new sconces! - Oh, my God! - What? Remember how you told me your grandmother put up that wall to make that into two bedrooms? - Yeah.

And that the landlord might find out and then tear it down? - Yeah? Do you really not know where I'm going? It left.

It's one huge room.

Oh, no! Wow! See? I guess we'll have to put the wall back up.