"We've got three minutes till the reactor blows.
"We'll never make it! " "You've got to get out of here! Save yourself! " "No, I won't leave you.
" "Don't worry about me.
I'm a robot.
I'm just a machine! " -"No, you're not.
Not to me.
" -Oh, my God.
-What? -I am extremely talented.
-Yeah.
You're great.
-Yeah.
-Okay, let's take it from-- -No, I mean, I was really acting my ass off.
I thought I was pretty good, too.
Yeah, you're solid.
You're just no me.
You know what? I think that's enough for now.
I don't want to be over-rehearsed.
Fine.
I'll do it without you! I don't need you or anybody else! I'm gonna make it on my own! You'll see! You'll all see! The One With Mac and C.
H.
E.
E.
S.
E.
So, what's this thing you're auditioning for? It's a new TV show.
Yeah.
I'm up for the part of Mac, Machiavelli, or "Mac"! I'm a detective and I solve crimes with the help of my robot partner.
He's a computerized humanoid electronically enhanced, secret enforcer.
Or, "C.
H.
E.
E.
S.
E.
" -So, Mac and C.
H.
E.
E.
S.
E.
? -That's the title! They really lucked out that the initials spell "cheese.
" That is lucky.
So Joey, if you get this, you're gonna be, like the star of your own TV show.
I mean, you'll be like the "Big Cheese" or the "Big Mac.
" Hey, you love those! Don't get your hopes up, because it's probably not gonna happen.
Now, why would you say that, Joseph? Well, I mean, come on you guys.
My own TV show? -I don't know if I'm good enough.
-I am.
What are you talkin' about? You're a terrific actor.
-You really think so? -How can you even ask that question? -She's pretty.
-Yeah.
And she's really nice, too.
She taught me all about, you know, how to work with cameras and "smell the fart" acting.
-I'm sorry.
What, Joey? -What? Excuse me? It's like you got so many lines to learn so fast that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one.
So while you're thinkin' of it, you take this big pause where you look all intense.
You know, like this.
Okay.
Here's my scene! Here's my scene! Mrs.
Wallace? I'm Dr.
Drake Ramorey, your sister's neurosurgeon.
You sister is suffering from a.
Well, Eva, we've done some excellent work here.
And I would have to say your problem is quite clear.
"All you want is a tinkle "What you envy's a schwang "A thing through which you can tinkle "Or play with or simply let hang" I play AI Pacino's butt.
All right? He goes into the shower and then, I'm his butt.
-Oh, my God.
-Come on, you guys.
This is a real movie and AI Pacino's in it, and that's big! No, it's terrific.
You deserve this after all your years of struggling you've finally been able to crack your way into show business.
Okay, fine, make jokes.
I don't care.
This is a big break for me.
-No, you're right, it is.
-Yeah.
So, you gonna invite us all to the big opening? All right, I'm out of here.
Wish me luck.
"Good luck, good luck We all wish you good luck" Yeah, whatever.
It's your turn.
Oh, are we playing this? Hi.
How did the audition go? Terrible.
I messed up every word.
I shouldn't even be an actor.
Wait.
Are you doin' that thing where you pretend it didn't go well but it really did go well? -Yeah, did I fool ya? -Totally! -So, it did go well? -It went amazingly well! -Great! -That's great.
-It's down to me and two other guys.
-Oh, my God! I know both of them, and they're really good.
One's from those allergy commercials who's always being chased -by those big flowers.
-Oh, I love that guy! What are you doing? What am I doing? I'm so nervous, you know? The callback isn't 'til tomorrow at 5:00.
I feel like my head's gonna explode.
Well, it is overdue.
Don't worry, okay? You're gonna be fine.
Yeah, but it's so much pressure.
No offense, but what you guys all do is very different.
I don't know if you'd understand.
Yeah, none of the rest of us have to deal with pressure at our jobs.
Yes, I know what time it is, but I'm looking at the wee-ness and I'm not happy.
Well, I'm tearing the lettuce.
-Is it dirty? -No, don't worry, I'm gonna wash it.
Don't.
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