What time is it? Nine.
But it's dark out.
That's because you always sleep till noon, silly.
This is what nine looks like.
I guess I'll get washed up then.
Watch that sunrise.
I'm getting tired of always sneaking around.
Me too.
What if we went away for the weekend? No interruptions.
We could be naked the entire time.
All weekend? That's a whole lot of naked.
I'll say I have a conference and you can have a chef thing.
I wanted to go to this culinary fair in Jersey! Okay.
You know you're not, though.
- Let's go.
- Okay.
Wait.
What about Joey? The One with the Kips I'm going to a culinary fair in Jersey this weekend.
How weird! Chandler just said he's got a conference there.
That's funny.
Seems like Chandler's conference could've been in Connecticut or Vermont.
I'm not in charge of where the conference is held.
Do you want people to think it's fake? It's a real conference.
- Is Rachel here? - No, she's out shopping.
- Damn! - What's going on? I told Emily to come.
And I just need to, you know, talk to Rachel about it.
Wait a minute.
When Emily comes, you won't see Rachel anymore? I'm focusing on the "I get to see my wife" part and not on the part that makes me do this.
So you'll never be in a room together? How will that even work? I have no idea.
I mean But I assure you, I will figure it out.
It doesn't seem like it'll work.
Hi, guys.
What's going on? We're flipping Monica's mattress.
So I'm thinking, basically, we pick it up, and then we flip it.
That's better than my way.
Hey guys, would you flip mine too? Oh, man.
Oh, look! A letter from my mom.
So, Rach? You know how Emily's coming? Oh, yeah.
I know.
Can you hear anything? Yeah, somebody just said, "Can you hear anything?" Hey, Joey's ass.
What are you doing? Remember when they fought and broke up and we were stuck here all night with no food? When Ross said "Rachel" at the wedding, I figured it'd happen again.
So I hid this in here.
Candy bars, crossword puzzles "Mad Libs"! Mine! Condoms? You don't know how long we'll be in here.
We may have to re-populate the Earth.
And condoms are the way to do that? Anyway, it all boils down to this.
- The last time I talked to Emily - Oh, my God! Our dog died! - What? - Oh, my God! LaPooh, our dog! LaPooh's still alive? It says he was hit by an ice-cream truck and dragged for nineteen blocks! - Oh, my God.
- Sweetie, we heard you crying.
- Please don't cry.
- It's LaPooh! I know, it's LaPooh right now but it'll get better.
I can't believe it! We're here! Chocolates on the pillows! I love that! You should live with Joey.
Rolos everywhere.
I'll be right back.
Oh, yes! Get in here.
It's a high-speed car chase on! We're switching rooms.
Oh, dear God! They gave us glasses! The glasses have lipstick on them.
Who knows what else they didn't change? Sweetie I just want this weekend to be perfect.
We can change rooms, can't we? Okay, but let's do it now.
Chopper Five just lost its feed! You know how there was something I wanted to talk to you about? Oh, yeah.
I'm trying to work things out with Emily.
Well, there's this one thing.
Here goes.
I made a promise that - What? - Your nose is bleeding.
Oh, God! You're bleeding.
Not again.
This happened when my grandfather died.
Sorry.
Gross.
Okay.
So I'm sorry.
What did you want to tell me? Sorry.
Sorry.
I can't see you anymore.
I know, it's ridiculous.
I can't see you, either.
- I think you'll like this room more.
- Okay, great.
They say he's only got half a tank left.
Half a tank? Still lots of high-speed chasing to do! - We're switching rooms again.
- What? Why? This has a garden view.
We paid for an ocean view.
Our last ocean-view room was unacceptable to you.
Excuse me.
Can I talk to you over here for just a second? These clowns want to take us for a ride.
I won't let them.
We're not a couple of suckers.
I hear you, Mugsy.
All these rooms are fine.
Just pick one so I can watch the Have a perfect, magical weekend together with you? - This one I like.
- Nothing.
Nothing.
It's over.
Damn it! This is regularly scheduled programming! Can we turn the TV off? Do we really want to spend the weekend like this? Am I getting in the way of the room-switching fun? Don't blame me for tonight.
Who should I blame? The nice bellman? Or the idiot who thought he could drive from Albany to Canada on half a tank of gas? Do not speak ill of the dead.
We're supposed to be spending a romantic weekend together.
What's the matter? I just want to watch a little television.
Jeez, relax, Mom.
What did you say? I said, "Jeez, relax, Mon.
" I've been wanting to tell you something and I just have to get it out.
Okay.
What's up? You know how you said to do whatever it takes to fix my marriage? Yeah, I told you to give Emily whatever she wants.
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