4. 467654 - The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS (第5季)【完整台词】

Well, here's your phone, doctor.

I can't believe I can't find a selfless good deed.

You know that old guy that lives next to me? I snuck over there and raked up the leaves on his front stoop.

But he caught me, and he force-fed me cider and cookies.

Then I felt wonderful.

That old jackass! Maybe Joey's right.

Maybe all good deeds are selfish.

I will find a selfless good deed.

I gave birth to three children and I won't let them be raised in a world where Joey's right! Can I ask you a cooking question? If you're cooking on the stove that means your new boyfriend is better in bed than Richard? Is he? I think I'll respect the privacy of my new, secret boyfriend.

Why? If this guy was me and it's me who'd learned that it was me who was the best you'd ever had I'd be like this: All right, Emily.

As much as I love you I'm sorry, I can't move to London without Ben.

I understand that would be difficult.

Would you consider moving here? You were moving here anyway.

Why can't you just do that? I don't know.

It's just But I know that even though I've been a complete idiot up till now you have to come here.

You have to, so we can work this out together.

All right.

Did you just say "all right"? I did.

Now I'm the idiot.

Emily, that is so great! It'll be great! We're going to be like two idiots in love! There's one thing that really scares me still.

-Yes, tell me.

-You must understand how humiliating it was for me at the altar in front of my family and friends.

I know.

I am so sorry.

And then, after deciding to forgive you seeing you at the airport, catching our plane with her.

Again, very sorry.

I mean, I can't be in the same room as her.

It drives me mad thinking of you being in the same room as her.

Emily, there is nothing between Rachel and me.

I love you.

All right.

I'll come to New York, and we'll try to make this work.

That's so great! As long as you don't see Rachel anymore.

I asked Emily if she would come to New York.

And she said yes.

Great! Only if I promise never to see Rachel again.

What? You can't What did you say? I'd think about it.

How am l supposed to make this decision? I'm actually asking you! Rachel is one of your best friends.

But Emily's his wife! That's true! You can't just cut Rachel out of your life! That's true! Thanks for the help.

Problem solved! When will you be on TV? There was kind of a mix-up in my agent's office but I'm still on TV, and that's good exposure.

You're not on TV.

How about now? There he is! Hello, New York! Maybe just put the whole duck in there.

Who cares? Now I got the legs.

How many times have I told you to never watch the cooking channel? I need that broiling pan that Joey borrowed.

That was yours? We used it when the duck was throwing up caterpillars.

Williams-Sonoma, fall catalog, page 27.

Expect it in 4 to 6 weeks.

Joey's at the telethon for the rest of the day.

We have the place to ourselves.

Yeah, so? Maybe you'd want to book some time with "the best you've ever had.

" You know what, champ? I think I'll pass.

Why? What's your point? With all the stupid gloating, would you want to sleep with you? Well, I think I'd be a little out of my league, but I'd give it a shot.

PBS Telethon.

I just wanted to let you know that I found a selfless good deed.

I went down to the park and I let a bee sting me.

What good is that going to do? It helps the bee look tough in front of his bee friends.

The bee is happy, and I am definitely not.

You know, the bee probably died after he stung you.

Damn it! Back on in 30 seconds, people! Excuse me, would you mind switching with me? No way.

I'm in the shot, man.

-You've been here all day! -I'm taking pledges.

And we're on three, two.

Welcome back to our fall telethon.

If you've been enjoying Cirque du Soleil and you'd like to see more, it's very simple.

All you have to do is call in a pledge and tell one of our volunteers what type of programming you -Quick broiling pan question -Yes, it really does cost that much.

Maybe next time your duck can puke in something from Pottery Barn.

That's it.

I cannot make this decision.

It is too difficult.

I leave it entirely up to the gods of fate.

A Magic 8 Ball? You can't make this decision with a toy! It's not a toy.

I don't know what else to do! I either keep my wife and lose one of my best friends or I get divorced for the second time before I'm 30.

If anyone else has a better suggestion, let's hear it.

Because I got nothing! Don't be shy.

Any suggestion will do.

Okay, then.

Here we go.

Magic 8 Ball should I never see Rachel again? "Ask Again Later.

" Later is not good enough! "Ask Again Later.

" What the hell? This is broken! It is broken! Let me see.

Will Chandler have sex tonight? "Don't Count On lt.

" Seems like it works to me.

Okay, one more time.

Should I never see Rachel again? Magic 8 Ball! What did you ask? Does Rachel get to pick the movie that we're all going to see tonight? Excellent.

What's the answer? Looks like Stella's gonna get her groove back tonight! What? I heard it was good.

PBS Telethon.

Hi, Joey.

Hey, Phoebe.

I'd like to make a pledge.

I would like to donate $200.

Two hundred dollars? You sure? After what Sesame Street did to you? I'm still mad at them, but they bring happiness to lots of kids whose moms didn't kill themselves.

By supporting them, I'm doing a good thing, but I'm not happy about it.

So there! A selfless good deed.

You don't feel good about donating the money? No, it sucks! I was saving up to buy a hamster.

A hamster? Those things are, like, $10.

Not the one I had my eye on.

It looks like we have surpassed last year's pledge total.

Thank you! And the pledge that did it was taken by one of our volunteers.

Oh, boy! And may I say, one of our sharpest dressed volunteers.

Mr.