Come in.
I've been waiting for you.
Hi, I just Oh, my God! Monica! Oh, my God! I'm sorry! I was I was taking a nap.
Since when do you take naps in that position? Tell me you were waiting for a guy.
Please tell me.
Yes, I was.
A guy.
From work.
I'm seeing a guy from work! That cute waiter guy that looks like a nonthreatening Ray Liotta? That one! Give me a second.
I'm just going to grab a jacket.
When I get back, I want every little detail.
Maybe that's him.
It's just Joey and Ross.
Why aren't you at the movie? Ross was so loud, they threw us out.
I had to talk loud because the movie was loud! -He's talking to London.
-Did he get in touch with Emily? No, not yet.
He's hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.
I don't care if I said some other girl's name, you prissy old twit! Way to suck up to the family! I'm so glad you're all here.
My office finally got wrinkle-free fax paper! The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS Hi, is this Nanny Hopkins? I'm looking for Emily.
Waltham.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Is this 0-1-1-4-4-7-4-2 9-3-4-7-4-2-6-7? Oh, it's "4-3," not 4-2.
Well, which 4-2? No, no! Vomit tux! Don't worry, I had it dry-cleaned.
Vomit tux? Who vomited on? You know what? What you up to, Joe? They're doing this telethon thing on TV.
And my agent got me a job as cohost! That's great! A little good deed for PBS, plus some TV exposure.
That's the kind of math Joey likes to do.
Oh, PBS! -What's wrong with PBS? -What's right with them? Why don't you like PBS? Right after my Mom killed herself, I was in a bad place, personally.
I thought I'd write to Sesame Street.
Because they were nice when I was a little kid.
No one ever wrote back.
A lot of those muppets don't have thumbs.
All I got was a lousy key chain, and by that time, I was living in a box.
I didn't have keys! I'm sorry, Phoebe.
I wanted to do a good deed, like you did with the babies.
This isn't a good deed.
You just want to get on TV.
This is selfish.
What about you having those babies for your brother? That's selfish! What are you talking about? It was a nice thing, but it made you feel good, right? Yeah, so? It made you feel good so that makes it selfish.
Look, there's no unselfish good deeds.
Sorry.
Yes, there are totally good deeds that are selfless! May I ask for one example? Yeah, it's You know, there's No, you may not! Because all people are selfish.
Are you calling me selfish? Are you calling you people? Sorry to burst that bubble, Phoebe, but selfless good deeds don't exist.
You know the deal on Santa Claus? I'll find a selfless good deed.
I'm going to beat you, you evil genius! Oh, my God! It's Emily! It's Emily, everyone! I'm only ringing to say stop harassing my relatives.
Goodbye.
You can hang up, but I'll keep calling everyone in England if that's what it takes to get you to talk to me.
Really? About what? Look, you're my wife.
We're married.
You know, I love you.
I really miss you.
I miss you too.
At least, I think I do.
She's talking.
When you said "the deal with Santa," you meant? That he doesn't exist.
Right.
Chandler, have you heard about Monica's secret boyfriend? Yeah, she might have mentioned him.
So, Mon, when are we going to meet this new, secret waiter man? I don't think he's up to meeting everyone yet.
Yeah, I don't think he's up to it.
I want to meet this guy who's the best sex she ever had.
Really? That's what you heard? You said that? I might have.
Why is that funny? Because I'm very happy for him.
And you! You lucky dog! She's willing to work on the relationship.
That's great! In London.
She wants me to move to London.
But you live here.
You know that.
-What will you do? -I don't know.
-I mean, I can't leave Ben.
-You can just video-conference with him.
I'm not ready to have a child.
I bet if I talked to Carol and Susan I could convince them to move to London with Ben.
I'm sure your ex-wife would be more than happy to move so you can patch things up with your new wife.
It could happen.
Ross, we are not moving to London.
We already have lives here.
But it'd be great.
They have great theater great accents.
Tea.
They have a queen.
-So? -She's a woman.
-Daddy! -Hey! Guess what? We're moving to London! -Who's going to London? -Nobody's going to London.
Welcome to London, governor.
Right, right.
It'll be great because we'll have Big Ben and little Ben in the same city.
Go pack! See? See, he wants to go.
Yeah, we leave all our big decisions to the 3-year-old.
Come on, come on.
It'll be just like Three's Company only there's a kid and my wife and you're the gay ones.
How you doing? Welcome.
Good to see you.
This'll be your phone.
That's great.
But I'm not really expecting a lot of calls.
No, you answer it and take pledges.
But I'm the host.
Gary Collins is the host.
You'll be answering the phone.
You don't seem to understand.
I was Dr.
Drake Ramoray.
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