I can't believe we've never done this.
It's so good! It's so good for Monica.
Time's up! My turn.
-That was half an hour? -It's your timer.
I don't like to brag about it, but I give the best massages.
All right, then massage me up right nice! It's so good, isn't it? I don't know what I did to deserve it.
Now stop trying to add more time to your massage.
Say goodbye to sore muscles! Goodbye, muscles! The One with Joey's Bag She gives the worst massages ever! It was like she was torturing me for information.
I wanted to give it up.
I just didn't know what it was! If it hurts that bad, you should tell her.
For the first time, I'm in a real relationship.
I won't screw that up by telling the truth.
Dude, look out! You almost crushed my hat.
Sorry.
And the bunny got away.
This would be the place where you explain the hat.
This is called a top hat.
And why are you wearing this? Is it "top hat"? There's this play and I'm up for the part of this cool, suave, international guy.
A clotheshorse.
So I figure everyone at the audition will wear ultra-hip, high-fashion stuff.
And you'll make them disappear? Like you could find something this sophisticated.
Done! If you want to look good, come to the store.
I'll help you.
-Thanks! -Sure.
Please, take those off! Hey, Phoebe.
How's it going? Only okay because I just got back from the hospital.
Are you all right? I'm fine, but my grandma sort of died.
Phoebe, sorry.
It's okay.
She had a really incredible life.
It's not like I won't see her again.
She'll visit.
Maybe she's with us right now.
Right.
She's on a new spiritual plain and she'll come to the coffeehouse.
I just saw two people having sex in a car right outside! Phoebe' grandmother just died.
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
Actually, it's kind of cool.
Because it's like you know, one life ends and another begins.
Not the way they're doing it.
What happened? How did she die? We were in the market and she bent down to get some yogurt and never came back up again.
I'm so sorry.
The last thing she said was: "You get the eggs, I'll get the yogurt, and we'll meet at the checkout counter.
" You know what? We will meet at the checkout counter.
Since you're returning all this stuff you'll have to wear underwear.
All right.
You'd better show me that too.
It's missing something.
Really? A purse? It's not a purse.
It's a shoulder bag.
It looks like a woman's purse.
Trust me, all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog.
See, look.
Men carrying the bag.
See, look.
Women carrying the bag.
But it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
Exactly.
Unisex! Maybe you need sex.
I had sex a couple days ago.
No, Joey.
U-N-I sex.
I ain't gonna say no to that! -Who is it? -It's Phoebe.
Oh, great! Oh, you.
What's up? Well, I sort of have some bad news.
Can I come in? No, thanks.
Grandma died today.
Didn't she die like five years ago? No, she just died today.
We're having a memorial service tomorrow.
Okay, I know I went to that already.
No, you didn't! Then who's been dead? Lots of people! Look, are you coming or not? I thought she was dead, so I've made my peace.
Plus I'm going to a concert.
I'd invite you, but I only have two tickets left.
-Fine.
Okay, enjoy your concert.
-Thanks.
Enjoy your funeral! You look just like your son, Mrs.
Tribbiani.
What? Are you referring to my man's bag? I thought it just looked good, but it's practical too.
It's got compartments for your wallet, keys, address book.
Your makeup.
What are you doing? The audition's tomorrow.
Yeah, but sandwich time is right now.
You get mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
Why would I return this? I love this bag! -All right, then you owe me $350.
-Fine.
Do you take Vasa or Mooster Card? Relax, I'll pay you with the money from the job I'll get.
Thanks to you.
What's the part? Auntie Mame? Don't listen to them.
I think it's sexy.
You-and-I sexy? Hello, Mrs.
Pinilla.
Thank you for coming.
Here's your 3-D glasses.
Reverend Pong will say when to put them on.
Hi, sweetie.
-How are you holding up? -Fine.
Hey, Phoebe.
I'm so sorry.
You know what? My grandma had the exact same bag! I brought you flowers.
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