Hey, new wallet? It was time.
The old condom ring in the leather just doesn't say "cool" anymore.
Rachel, you just put an empty carton back in the fridge.
I know, but the garbage was full.
Have you ever taken out the trash? Since you've lived here? Well, I thought you liked doing it.
-Third door on the left.
-Right! Hey, Mr.
Treeger.
What are you doing? I'm sorry.
It's a little old but.
You're clogging up the chute I just unclogged.
I'm sorry.
I don't come in here a lot.
Of course not.
You're a little princess.
Daddy, buy me a pizza.
Daddy, buy me a candy factory.
Daddy, make the cast of Cats sing "Happy Birthday" to me.
You think you can come here make a mess and a big man in coveralls will clean it up? Think of someone else for a change.
Okay, I'm sorry.
God, if you're going to cry about it! The One With Ballroom Dancing Treeger made you cry? He said really mean things that were only partly true.
I'll teach him a lesson.
Joey, don't.
Let's forget about it.
That's easy for you to say.
You weren't almost just killed! All right, that's it.
School is in session! Is this a gym card? Oh, yeah, gym member.
I try to go four times a week, but I've missed the last 1200 times.
So why don't you quit? You don't think I've tried? You think I like having $50 a month taken from my account? They make you go all the way down there.
They use all these phrases and peppiness to confuse you.
And then they bring out Maria.
-Who is Maria? -Oh, Maria! You can't say no to her.
She's like this lycra, spandex-covered, gym treat.
Do you need me to go with you and hold your hand? You're strong enough to face her? Oh, no.
You'll have to come.
Tribbiani.
Hold on.
I'll get the plunger.
You hold on.
You made my friend Rachel cry.
So you'll go and apologize to her unless you want me to call the landlord.
And tell him what? Maybe you haven't heard of "not making girls cry.
" Maybe you haven't heard of the Rent Stabilization Act of 1968.
I have actually not heard of that.
Your friends are violating it.
I've been nice until now, but I don't need this grief.
I'm telling the landlord Monica's illegally subletting her grandmother's place.
Your friends are out of here, pal.
Why don't you tell me something I don't know? Somebody tell me I don't have to work today.
What's the matter? My first massage is this incredibly gorgeous guy.
Every time I see him, I want to do things to him I can't charge for.
So do them for free.
No, it is forbidden.
Mrs.
Potter fires people for messing around with clients.
And it's against my oath as a masseuse.
-They make you take an oath? -No, I made myself take one.
No fooling around with clients and always be prepared.
That one's from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.
Why not give him to someone else? No, I can handle it.
I'm a professional.
Pheebs, is that a new ankle bracelet? You got a pedicure.
Your feet are all dressed up.
That's the only part he can see when he's on the table! You're going to do some feet flirting! I don't know what you're talking about.
How do you explain the toe ring? It's Arabian Princess Day at work.
Leave me alone! My hero! What happened? I told him no one treats my friends like that.
And he better apologize.
See you! Wait a minute.
What did he say? He wouldn't apologize because you're living here illegally.
Instead, he'll evict you.
See you later! -You got us evicted? -I told you not to go down there.
He made Rachel cry! Rachel always cries! That's not true! You go down there, and you suck up to him.
You suck like you've never sucked before! All right, I'll try.
If I can't, you stay with us till you get settled.
-Go! -All right, all right.
I'll have to check first, but he'll be cool.
Remember what we talked about.
You got to be strong.
Now one more time.
Don't you want a washboard stomach and rock-hard pecs? No, I want a flabby gut and saggy man-breasts.
That's good.
I want to quit the gym.
You want to quit? I want to quit the gym.
You do realize you won't have access to our new Swedish spa? I want to quit the gym.
Dave in the membership office handles quitters.
Excuse me.
Are you a member? Me? Sorry.
Members only.
I want to quit the gym! It's okay, man.
Be strong.
Are you a member of any gym? No, and I'm not going to be.
So save your little speech.
Okay, no problem.
Could you come here? Hi, I'm Maria.
You have really pretty feet.
These old things? Would you spend time on my sciatic area? It's killing me.
You mean.
By sciatic, you mean the towel-covered portion? Sure, I can do that.
Because the muscles in the sciatic area can get real nice and tight.
So tell me, Rick, how did you injure the area? A 16-hour sit-in for Greenpeace.
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