Joe, that's why your parents told you not to jump on the bed! The One With the Jam .
:staz:.
(staz@post.
cz) Hey, look at me! I' m making jam! -I've been at it since 4 a.
m.
-Where'd you get fruit at 4 a.
m.
? Down at the docks.
You know, you can get it wholesale.
I didn't know there were docks.
Is it broken? No, but I gotta wear this for a couple weeks.
You tell the doctor you did it jumping on your bed? No.
I had a whole story worked out, but then.
.
.
.
.
.
Chandler sold me out.
I didn't think the doctor would buy that it "fell out of the socket.
" What is this? Fruit? Monica's making jam.
Jam? I love jam! How come we never have jam at our place? Because the kids need new shoes.
I' m going into business.
I' m sick of being depressed about Richard.
I needed a plan.
A plan to get over my man.
What's the opposite of man? Jam! Joey, don't! It's way too hot! This'll just be my batch.
That's it.
Hey, you, J .
Crew guy.
.
.
.
Why are you following me? All week, everywhere I look, there's you.
You wouldn't return my calls.
You sent back my letters.
One more chance, Ursula.
Please.
This is awkward.
Yeah, because you want Ursula, and I' m Phoebe.
Twin sisters.
Seriously.
That's great.
I' m stalking the wrong woman.
I am such a dingus! Oh, you' re not a dingus.
I just want you to know I wasn't always like this.
Before I met your sister, I was a normal guy who sold cellular phones.
Look, it's not your fault.
I mean, this is just what she does to guys, okay? Well, thanks.
Wait.
I got a little story.
Once, in junior high school, I thought I was a witch.
And a guidance counselor told me something that might help you.
He said, "Okay, you' re not a witch.
You' re just an average student.
" -See what I' m saying? -Not really.
Well, get over it.
You seem like a really nice guy.
Don't be so hard on yourself, okay? You' re right.
I know you' re right.
And thanks for being so nice.
Thanks a lot.
Want to get some coffee? You don't have to walk behind me anymore.
"Gone for more jars.
Be back later.
Monica Geller.
" Wait a minute.
Look! It's an empty apartment.
We' re all alone in an empty apartment.
I have to be at work in 1 0 minutes.
All right.
It's not like I' m employee of the year or anything.
There it is! Oh, that's what you mean.
Do I look fat? No.
I accept that.
When Janice asked me and I said no, she thought I was calling her a cow.
Walk us through it, honey.
Walk us through it.
Janice said, "Hi.
Do I look fat today?" And I looked at her-- You looked at her? You never look.
You just answer.
It's like a reflex.
"Do I look fat?" "No.
" "Is she prettier than I am?" "No.
" "Does size matter?" And it works both ways.
So you both just know this stuff? After 30 or 40 fights, you kind of catch on.
Okay.
For instance: Janice is coming back from a trip.
She gives you two options.
Option one: She'll take a cab home from the airport.
Option two: You can meet her at baggage claim.
What do you do? Easy.
Baggage claim.
Wrong! Now you' re single.
It's actually secret option number three.
You meet her at the gate.
That way she knows you love her.
Okay, this is good.
All right, I have one.
Janice likes to cuddle.
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