9. 457309 - The One With Phoebe's Dad (第2季)【完整台词】

Ugly Naked Guy is decorating his tree.

You should see the size of his Christmas balls! How much did you tip the super? We were gonna give 50, but we don't wanna look bad.

This year we made him cookies.

And 25 it is.

You gave cookies? Money is so impersonal.

Cookies says someone cares.

We're broke, but cookies do say that.

I can see that.

A plate of brownies told me a limerick.

Pheebs, let me ask you something.

Were these "funny" brownies? Not especially.

But I think they had pot in them.

So who else did you tip with cookies? The mailman, the super.

And the newspaper delivery guy.

Oh, my God.

What? You're not gonna like this.

These are cookies smashed to the sports section.

He did my crossword puzzle.

Yeah, but not very well, unless actually is "Bite me, bite me, bite me.

" The One With Phoebe's Dad I can't believe it's Christmas already.

One day you're eating turkey, the next thing you know Iords are a-leaping and geese are a-laying.

Which is why geese are so relaxed this time of year.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Rach.

I got you a little present.

I'll open it.

It's a Slinky! Remember? Walks downstairs Alone or in pairs Everyone knows it's Just a big spring.

You're still mad because of the whole Horrible list of reasons not to be with me? How about we just call it the "unfortunate incident"? Hey, Gunther.

You got stairs in your place? Go nuts.

Hey, guys.

What's in the bag? Some presents.

Come on, show us what you bought.

You know you want to.

This is a picture frame from Ben to my parents.

Oh, that's cute.

Some "Hers" and "Hers" towels for Susan and Carol.

And I got this blouse for Mom.

Ross, that is gorgeous! Look at these authentic fake metals! Mom's gonna be voted "best dressed" at the make-believe military academy! Happy "Christmas Eve" Eve.

Oh, my God! Where did you get this? Macy's, third floor, home furnishings.

This is my father! This is a picture of my dad! That's the guy that comes in the frame.

No, it's my dad.

I'll show you.

I thought your dad was in prison.

No, that's my stepdad.

My real dad's the one that ran out on us before I was born.

How have you never been on Oprah? Look, see? This is him.

My mother gave me this picture before she died.

Same guy! This is a picture of the frame guy posing in front of a blue screen with a collie.

It's not a blue screen.

It's just.

Maybe it was just really clear that day.

Okay, I have to talk to my grandmother.

Wait a minute, honey! I'm trying to get my boss's ex-wife to sleep with me.

But when Phoebe has a problem, everyone's all ears! Esther Livingston.

Gone! Hi, Pooh.

Hi, Gram.

What you doing? Just updating the phone book.

Gram? Can I see the pictures of my dad again? Sure, sure.

How come? Just, you know, to see him.

Sure.

Here.

This is the one of your father in a meadow.

And helping a little boy fly a kite.

And here he is at a graduation.

Another graduation.

Another graduation.

Is this really my father? Is it really your fa? Well, of course it is.

I smell smoke.

Maybe because someone's pants are on fire! In all the years we've been grandmother and granddaughter you've never lied.

All right, that's not your father.

It's a picture of a guy in a frame.

Oh, God.

It was your mother's idea.

She didn't want you to know your real father because he hurt her so much.

I didn't want to do it.

But then she died and it was harder to argue with her.

Not impossible, but harder.

All right.

So he's not a famous tree surgeon? And I guess he doesn't live in a hut in Burma where there's no phones? Last I heard, he was a pharmacist somewhere upstate.

That makes no sense.

Why would the villagers worship a pharmacist? Honey.

Anyway, that's all I know.

That and this.

This is the real him.

I remember my father all dressed up in the red suit the big black boots and the patent leather belt sneaking around downstairs.

He didn't want us to see him but he'd be drunk, so he'd crash into something and wake everybody up.

That doesn't sound like a very merry Christmas.

Who said anything about Christmas? Anyone hear from Phoebe yet? No, nothing.

I hope she's okay.

I know exactly what she's going through.

How do you know that? She told us.

What do you got there, Monica? Stuff for the party.

Aren't you guys supposed to be shopping? You didn't buy presents yet? Tomorrow's Christmas Eve! What are you gonna do? Don't you have to be Claymation to say that? I don't think the mailman liked your cookies.

The ornaments your mom sent.

Maybe the mailman liked the cookies.

We just didn't give him enough.

Monica, pigeons learn faster than you.

Hey, Rach.

I think I know what will make you feel better.

How about you make a list about me? Forget it.