Ross kissed me.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It was unbelievable! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Let's hear everything.
Monica, get the wine and unplug the phone.
Rachel, does this end well or do we need to get tissues? It ended very well.
Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Okay.
All right.
Let's hear about the kiss.
Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then.
Oh, God.
And then we just sort of sunk into it.
So was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? No, actually, first they started out on my waist and then they slid up and were in my hair.
And then I kissed her.
Tongue? -Yeah.
-Cool.
The One With the List All right, check out this bad boy! Twelve megabytes of RAM, built-in spreadsheet capabilities and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS.
What will you use it for? Games and stuff.
There are no jobs.
There are no jobs for me.
Oh, wait, here's one.
-Would you be willing to cook naked? -There's an ad for a naked chef? No, but if you'll cook naked, then you might be willing to dance naked.
And then.
So how'd you make out last night? That is funny.
That is painfully funny.
No, wait, wait.
Yeah, that's just painful.
Wait a minute.
I thought last night was great.
Yeah, it was.
But I get home and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table and I think, "My God! What am I doing?" Here I am with Julie, this incredible, great woman who I care about and who cares about me and I'm just throwing all that away? You got all that from saline solution? I'm the same way.
Show me a bottle of wine.
and I'm like, Wow, who am I? Wait.
We're talking about Rachel.
You and Rachel.
I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years.
But now I'm with Julie.
So it's like, me and Julie, me and Rachel.
Me and Julie, me and Rach Rachel! Rachel.
-Hey, you.
-How are you? Good.
How are you? Good.
-Hi, honey.
-Hi, Julie.
Hi, Julie? Julie! How are you? Good.
So everybody's here.
Everybody's good.
Good, Great, and here! Were you gonna play something? -Well, actually -Play it! All right.
-Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.
-What? Okay.
Hi.
Hello.
Hi.
Okay.
This is a song about a love triangle between three people I made up.
It's called "Two of Them Kissed Last Night.
" There was a girl We'll call her Betty And a guy Let's call him Neil Now I can't stress This point too strongly This story isn't real Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside Will Betty be the one Who he loves truly Or will it be the one Who we'll call Loolie He must decide He must decide Even though I made him up He must decide Well, this is a nice resume.
Nice, nice, nice.
Muy impressivo.
Shame! It not all true.
Forget it.
No, it's all true.
I'm just a little nervous, that's all! I am fine now.
Mr.
Rastatter, what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear.
Macholate.
-I'm sorry? -Macholate.
It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.
Go ahead, try a piece.
We think Macholate is even better than chocolate.
All right.
I love how it crumbles.
-You see, chocolate doesn't do that.
-No, ma'am.
We should be getting our FDA approval any day now.
Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving.
The way we see it, chocolate dominates your major food-preparation holidays.
Easter, Christmas, what have you.
But given the right marketing we can make Thanksgiving the Macholate holiday.
Wow.
Aren't you gonna swallow that? Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
Isn't that great? Well, anyhow we're looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes.
You interested? Abso- -lutely! I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving, and now I love Macholate.
Really? Especially that aftertaste.
I tell you that'll last you till Christmas.
How about Macholate mousse? It's not very Thanksgiving-y.
How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse? What makes it Pilgrim? We'll put buckles on it.
Did Ross call? No, I'm sorry.
Why didn't he call? He's gonna stay with Julie.
He's gonna stay with her and she'll be: "Hi, I'm Julie.
Ross picked me.
We'll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!" No offense, but that sounds nothing like her.
What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare! I know.
This must be so hard.
"Oh, no! Two women love me! They're both gorgeous, my wallet's too small for my 50s and my diamond shoes are too tight!" -Here's a thought -Don't ever touch the computer.
Ross, listen.
I got two words for you: Threesome.
You still have another word if you have not use.
Hey, I think I know what is it, HELP! Let's get logical about this.
We'll make a list.
"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons.
" We'll put their names and I can use different colors for each column.
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