3. 457303 - The One Where Heckles Dies (第2季)【完整台词】

I think we have enough regular lamps.

What? Come on, it's not like I'm asking for this girlie clock or anything.

Which, by the way, I also think is really cool.

Look, it doesn't go with any of my stuff.

Well, what about my stuff? You don't have any stuff.

You still think of it as your apartment, don't you? Yes, you do.

You think of it as your apartment and I just rent a room.

While you "mmm" on that, I'll go find a place for my new lamp.

Okay, Pheebs.

See how I'm making these little toys move? Opposable thumbs! Without evolution, how do you explain opposable thumbs? Maybe the Overlords needed them to steer their spacecrafts.

Tell me you're joking.

Look, can't we say that you believe in something and I don't? -No, Pheebs, we can't.

No, what's that all about? What is this obsessive need to make everybody agree with you? I think maybe it's time you put Ross under the microscope.

Is there blood coming out of my ears? Check it out.

Heckles' high-school yearbook.

He looks so normal! He's even kind of cute.

"Heckles, you crack me up in science class.

You're the funniest kid in school.

" -Funniest? Heckles? -That's what it says.

Heckles was voted class clown, and so was l.

He was right! Would you listen to that? I'd call that excessive.

What? Heckles played clarinet in band, and I played clarinet.

He was in the scale modeler's club and I was There was no club, but I sure thought they were cool.

So? You were both dorks.

Big deal.

I just think it's weird, you know? Heckles and me Heckles and me.

Me Me and Heckles.

Hey, would you knock it off! Have you been here all night? Look at this.

Pictures of all the women Heckles went out with.

Look what he wrote on them.

"Vivian, too tall.

" "Madge, big gums.

" "Too loud.

" "Too smart.

" "Makes noise when she eats.

" This is me.

This is what I do.

I'm gonna end up alone, just like he did.

Heckles was a nut case.

Our trains are on the same track.

I'm coming up 30 years behind him, but the stops are all the same.

Bitter Town Alone-ville, Hermit Junction! You know what we gotta do? Get you out of here.

I'll buy you breakfast.

What if I never find somebody? Or worse, what if I found her but I dumped her because she pronounces it, "supposably"? Chandler, come on, you're gonna find somebody.

How do you know that? How? I don't know.

I'm just trying to help you out.

You guys will all get married and I'll end up alone.

Will you promise me something? When you're married, will you invite me over for holidays? I don't know what we'll be doing.

I mean, what if we're over at her folks' place? Yeah, I understand.

You can come over and watch the Super Bowl.

Every year, all right? You know what? I'm not gonna end up like this.

I'll see you, man.

"Supposably.

" Supposably! Did they go to the zoo? Supposably.

Hi.

It's me.

Oh, my God! Janice? You called Janice? Yes.

Janice.

Why is that difficult to comprehend? You remember Janice, right? Yes.

She was smart, she was pretty and she honestly cared about me.

Janice is my last chance to have somebody.

Oh, my God! Jeez, look how fat she got.

-Hey, it's everybody! -Hi, Janice.

Janice, you're.

Yes, I am.

-ls it? -ls it yours? You wish, Chandler Bing! You are looking at a married lady now.

Congratulations.

Sweetie, I'm sorry.

You couldn't tell me on the phone? And what? Miss the expression on your face? Oh, no! Janice likes to have her fun! You know what we haven't played in a while? Hide the lamp.

Monica, let it go.

Did you know I'm allergic to shellfish? Then you'll just have to eat the other lamps.

It's scary scientist man.

Okay, Phoebe, this is it.

In this briefcase I carry actual scientific facts.

A briefcase of facts, if you will.

Some of these fossils are over 200 million years old.

Before you even start, I'm not denying evolution.

It's just one of the possibilities.

It's the only possibility.

Ross, could you just open your mind, like, this much? Didn't the brightest minds in the world believe the Earth was flat? And up till 50 years ago, you thought the atom was the smallest thing until you split it open and this whole mess of crap came out.

Are you telling me that you are so unbelievably arrogant that you can't admit that there's a teeny, tiny possibility that you could be wrong about this? There might be a teeny tiny possibility.

I can't believe you caved.

You just abandoned your whole belief system! Before, I didn't agree with you, but at least I respected you.

But.

How are you gonna go into work tomorrow? How are you going to face the other science guys? How are you going to face yourself? That was fun.

So who's hungry? I am.

Me too.

Let me just get my coat.

What happened? It was an accident, I swear.

I was putting on my jacket and the thing and the lamp and it broke.

Oh, please, Monica! You've always hated my lamp! And now all of a sudden, it's just magically, it's just broken? Phoebe, tell her? I didn't see it, because I was putting on my jacket.

But I want to believe you.

Hey, Chandler.

Monica just broke my seashell lamp.

Neat.

I'm gonna die alone! Okay, you win.

Chandler, you are not gonna die alone.

Janice was my safety net, okay? And now I have to get a snake.

Why is that? If I'm gonna be an old, lonely man, I'm gonna need a thing.

You know, a hook.