Man, this is weird.
Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat? That's what's weird? The man's been captain of a cereal for 40 years.
What? The spoon! You licked and you put.
You licked and you put.
Yeah, so? Don't you see how gross that is? It's like you using my toothbrush! You used my toothbrush? Only because I used the red one to unclog the drain.
Mine is the red one! Oh, God! Can open.
Worms everywhere! Why can't we use the same toothbrush but we can use the same soap? Because soap is soap.
It's self-cleaning.
The next time you shower think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
The One Where Joey Moves Out Look at you fancy lads! What's the occasion? You know that guy on my show that's in a coma? He's having a brunch.
Ready when you are.
I can't believe you're actually getting tattoos.
You guys are getting tattoos? But you cannot tell Ross because I wanna surprise him.
Wow, this is wild! What are you gonna get? I'm getting a lily.
For my mom, because her name's Lily.
That's lucky.
What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch? -Where you getting it? -On my shoulder.
What? What's on your shoulder? A chip.
I've got a big attitude problem.
-A tattoo.
I'm getting a tattoo.
-A tattoo? Why? Why would you wanna do that? You don't think they're kind of cool? No.
Sorry, I don't.
Why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life? What if it doesn't come out right? It's like having a bad haircut all the time.
Why is everyone staring at me? Sign this card for Dad.
Richard will be here soon.
Richard's going to the party too? He's my parents' best friend.
He has to go.
So is today the day you'll tell them about you two? Yeah, for my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
No, I think you should tell them.
I don't know how serious he is.
Until I do, I won't say anything.
I don't think Mom and Dad would mind.
Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, Dad said "God, I hope they get together.
" Shall we? Okay, wait.
You know what? Ross, let's switch places.
You get in the middle.
This looks like we're trying to cover something up.
You could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it.
We're here! -Hi, kids! -The children! -Happy birthday, Dad.
-Thank you.
Happy birthday! So you kids thanked Dr.
Burke for the ride? Actually, Mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
So you kids take the train in? No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
Speaking of whom I hear he's got some Finger cramp! Oh, God! Sorry.
Here, let me get that, Mom.
So Richard's shopping in the junior section? Are we still on that? You just know she's got the lQ of a napkin.
She's probably not even pretty.
Just young enough so that everything is still pointing up.
Can you believe this place? I know.
This is a great apartment.
In the bathroom there's mirrors on both sides of you.
When you're in there, it's like peeing with the Rockettes.
Well, there's my fantasy come true.
Seriously.
We were just saying, great apartment! Thanks.
You want it? I'm moving to a bigger place.
You should take this one.
Can you see me in a place like this? Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings? Come on, I'll show you the kitchen.
That's all right, I saw a kitchen this morning.
On TV.
Stop talking.
Okay! -Come on, tell us! -ls she really 20? I am not telling you guys anything.
Come on, it's my birthday.
Let me live vicariously! Dad, you really don't want to do that.
What's a little midlife crisis between friends? Would you let it go? I know what you're going through.
When I turned 50, I got the Porsche.
You got your own little speedster.
-Seriously, it's not like that.
-Tell you what.
Maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence! What? I'm kidding! You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
Okay, Rach.
Which lily? This lily or that lily? -Well, l -I like this lily.
It's more open and that's like my mom.
She had a more open, giving spirit.
Foghorn Leghorn! Blonde girl? You're in room two.
Not-so-blonde girl, you're with me.
Here we go! You're not going.
Is this because of what Ross said? -Well, yeah, maybe.
-I don't believe this.
Is this how this relationship works? Ross equals boss? Come on, what is this, 1922? What's 1922? Just, you know, a long time ago.
When men used to tell women what to do a lot.
Then there was suffrage, which was a good thing.
But it sounds horrible.
Do you want this tattoo? Yes, I do.
It's just that Ross Is your boyfriend the boss of you? Who is the boss of you? You? You are the boss of you! You march in there and get that tattoo on your hip! Go! We don't get my tatoo yet, you know it's a little tough.
How you doing? I'm a twinkie! Really? I'm a hero.
This is so hard.
Yeah, I know.
I hate it too.
Look, maybe we should just tell them.
Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
My parents are dead.
God, you are so lucky! I mean Well, you know what I mean.
Just hang in there, okay? Okay, I'll go out first, all right? Judy! Going to the bathroom.
Good for you! Thank you, Richard.
I appreciate the support.
Honey.
Seen my Harmon Kille brew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
I have no idea.
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