- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
Honey, I got us that room at the Woodford Inn this weekend.
That place in Vermont? You can take a hint.
You can't go away this weekend.
It's Emma's birthday.
We're having a party.
Can't you have the party when we get back? No.
It won't be her real birthday.
Gee, if only she were 1 and had no idea what the hell a birthday was.
Come on, you guys, this is really important to us.
Sorry, but Chandler and I could really use a weekend away you know, to reconnect, emotionally.
- There's this thing I really want us to do.
I read about it in Maxim.
Well, can't you just go to Vermont the next day? Yeah, we want everyone to be there.
As much as I hate to delay your doing weird sex stuff to my little sister.
And, I mean, you know, you guys, this is a big deal.
How can we have her first birthday party without her aunt and her uncle? All right, we'll stay.
We can just drive up after the party.
Fine.
But if we end up not doing this Maxim thing because of this party Believe me, that is not why we won't be doing that.
The One With the Cake You know, Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house.
And then he would draw a treasure map to help me find them all.
I love family traditions like that.
When Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food.
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
- I brought the camera for Emma's video.
- Oh, good! We had this idea to make a birthday video for Emma and we'll give it to her when she's 18.
- Oh, cool.
- Wow, it's like a time capsule.
- Yeah.
Oh, just think, she's gonna be watching that video on a TV that hasn't even been invented yet with friends who, right now, are just, like, babies.
And they'll be living in a floating city that the humans built to escape the ant people.
That's the hope.
- So is Emma awake yet? - No, it's still naptime.
- But she'll be up soon.
- Where's Joey? I said, it's still naptime.
- Hey, there's Uncle Joey.
- Hey.
Hey, say something to Emma on her 18th birthday.
- Eighteen, huh? - Joey, no! What? What? It's for her hot friends.
When they see this, you'll be 52.
And starting to think about settling down.
Joey, will you please set this up for people to put Emma's presents on? Love to.
Yeah.
- We were supposed to bring presents? - Yeah.
I wrote Emma a song.
Oh, yeah.
How was I supposed to know? - Joey, it's a birthday party.
- Yeah, but for a 1 -year-old.
What's the point? The other day she laughed for an hour at a cup.
Just a cup with a picture of Elmo on it, dressed as a farmer.
And he's standing next to this cow, and the cow says, "El-moo.
" Man, that's a funny cup.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Where's the birthday girl? - Oh, she's still napping.
She was probably up all night excited about the party she knows is happening.
I know you guys really want to get to Vermont, and this isn't a big deal to you.
But it really is to us, okay? Emma will never have a first birthday again.
You're right.
We're sorry.
Let's wake up Emma and get the fun time started! She didn't sleep well last night, so we can't wake her.
Are you frigging kidding me, Greene? - Hi! - Hey! - I'm so glad you came.
- I can't believe Emma's already 1.
I remember your first birthday.
Ross was jealous of all the attention we were giving you.
He pulled on his testicles so hard we had to take him to the emergency room.
There's something you didn't know about your dad.
Hey, Mr.
and Mrs.
Geller.
Let me help you with that.
- Thank you.
- Oh, man, this is great, huh? The three of us together again.
You know what would be fun? If we gave this present to Emma from all of us.
Which one are you? - I can't believe Emma's still asleep.
- I know.
What are we gonna do? I've got a plan.
I've got a plan.
I'm going to ram this platter really hard into your ribs.
You're gonna scream out, and that'll wake her up.
I'm not going to Vermont with this Monica.
Hey, Pheebs? You know what? I was thinking since you wrote a song maybe I could do something for Emma using my talents.
So you're gonna hit on her? No, no, no.
My talents as an actor.
You know, I could, like, maybe I could do a dramatic reading of one of her books.
Or you could stick a fork in an apple.
- Hey, I think Emma might like it.
- Oh, Emma might like what? - My present.
- What did you get her? - We prepared performances.
- Separate performances.
But equally real.
That sounds like fun.
People are getting a little antsy waiting for Emma to wake up from her nap.
So would you mind performing them once now? - Sure, yeah! - Okay.
Okay.
All right.
Everybody, let's get this party started.
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