22. 456670 - The One With the Ick Factor (第1季)【完整台词】

Yeah, you want 55-JUMBO.

That's right.

That's right.

JUMBO with a "U," sir.

You don't want me.

Judging by his number, I'd be a huge disappointment.

Alrighty, bye-bye.

How was the first day? Excellent.

Everyone was so, so nice.

It pays to know the man who wears my shoes.

Me.

-I didn't tell anyone I knew you.

-Why? Well, because, you know.

They don't like you.

-What? -I thought you knew.

-Who doesn't like me? -Everyone.

Except for.

No.

Everyone.

-What are you talking about? -Don't feel bad.

They used to like you a lot.

But you got promoted, and now you're Mr.

Boss Man.

Mr.

Big.

Mr.

Bing.

Boss Man Bing.

-I can't believe it.

-Yeah.

They even do you.

They "do" me? You know, like, okay: "Could that report be any later?" -I don't sound like that.

-Yeah, you do.

"The hills are alive with the sound of music.

" "My scone.

My scone.

" I don't sound like that.

That is so not true.

That is so not That is so not That Oh, shut up.

-Did not.

-Up until I was 9 I thought "gunpoint" was a place where crimes happened.

-How's that possible? -It's always on the news.

"A man is being held up at Gunpoint.

" "Tourists are terrorized at Gunpoint.

" And I kept thinking, "Why do people continue to go there?" I should go.

-Unless -What? Unless you wanna stay over.

I mean, I'm going to.

So.

Yeah, I'd really like that.

Before we get into any staying-over stuff there's something you should know.

Is this, like, "I have an early class tomorrow" or "I'm secretly married to a goat"? Well, it's somewhere in between.

You see, in a strictly technical sense, of course, I'm not.

Well, I mean, I haven't ever.

Ethan? Are you a virgin? If that's what you kids are calling it these days, then yes, I am.

I mean, you're just such a good kisser I would never have known.

Well, I've excelled at every level I've been to, I just.

I just haven't been to that particular one yet.

I've kind of been waiting for the right person.

-Really? -Yeah.

You do know I was talking about you, right? Wow.

You keep saying that.

You know, you read about it.

You see it in the movies.

Even when you practice it at home, man, oh, man it is nothing like that.

Listen, listen.

You told me something that was really difficult for you.

And I figure if you can be honest, then I can too.

Don't tell me I did it wrong.

Nothing wrong about that.

Here goes.

I'm not 22.

I'm 25 and 1 3 months.

But I figure that shouldn't change anything.

What does it matter how old we are? Basically, I'm nuts about you.

I knew after the first time we kissed.

You didn't mention the Tic Tac.

I just thought you were naturally minty.

Listen as long as we're telling stuff I have another one for you.

I'm a little younger than I said.

-You're not a senior? -Oh, I'm a senior in high school.

What we did was wrong.

I just had sex with someone who wasn't alive during the bicentennial.

I just had sex.

Ethan, focus.

How could you not tell me? -You never said your age.

-It's different.

My lie didn't make one of us a felon in 48 states.

-What were you thinking? -I was too busy falling -Don't say it.

-ln love with you.

-Really? -Sorry.

Well, fall out of it.

You shouldn't be here.

It's a school night.

Oh, God.

I'm like those women that you see with shiny guys named Chad.

I'm Joan Collins.

Who? Andre should be there in about 45 minutes.

Yes, sir, the kimonos are extra.

Alrighty.

Bye-bye.