All right! You guys, it's starting to snow.
And look, Ugly Naked Guy is hanging candy canes.
Where? Oh.
Well.
That's festive.
Guys, there's somebody I'd like you to meet.
Wait, wait.
What is that? -That's Marcel.
Wanna say hi? -No, I don't.
-He's cute! Where'd you get him? -My friend Bethel saved him from a lab.
That is so cruel.
Why would a parent name their child Bethel? That monkey's got a Ross on his ass.
Is he gonna live with you in your apartment? Yeah.
It's been kind of quiet since Carol left.
Why not get a roommate? You reach a certain age, having a roommate is just kind of pathet That's " pathet.
" Sanskrit for " really cool way to live.
" The One With the Monkey I' m doing new material tonight.
I have 1 2 songs about my mother's suicide and one about a snowman.
You might wanna open with the snowman.
-Hi, Joey.
-Hey, buddy.
-So how'd it go? -I didn't get the job.
How could you not? You were Santa last year.
Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager.
He's not even jolly.
It's all political.
-What are you gonna be? -One of his helpers.
It's just such a slap in the face, you know? Do you know what you' re doing for New Year's? Hey, what? What is wrong with New Year's? You have Paolo.
You don't have to face the pressure of finding lips to kiss when the ball drops! Man, I'm talking loud! Paolo's gonna be in Rome this New Year's.
-I'll be just as pathetic as you.
-Yeah, you wish.
I've got an idea.
Dinner.
It's perfect.
We'll put it between lunch and breakfast.
I'm sick of being a victim of this Dick Clark holiday.
I say this year, we make a pact.
Just the six of us.
Dinner.
-Sure.
-Fine.
I was hoping for more enthusiasm.
-Phoebe, you' re on.
-Oh, good.
Hi.
Ladies and gentlemen, back by popular demand Miss Phoebe Buffay.
Hi.
Thanks.
Hi.
I wanna start with a song that means a lot to me.
I made a man with eyes of coal And a smile so bewitching How was I supposed to know That my mom was dead in the kitchen? My mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jar And sometimes when it's freezing I feel a little sneezy And now I Excuse me? Excuse me? Yeah, noisy boys.
Is it something you'd like to share with the group? No.
No, that's okay.
If it's important enough while I'm playing it's important enough for everyone else.
That guy's going home with a note.
-I was just saying -Speak up.
Sorry, l I was saying you were the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen.
And he said that Daryl Hannah was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.
I said I liked her in Splash, but not Wall Street.
I thought she had a hard quality.
While Daryl is beautiful in a conventional way you are luminous with a kind of delicate grace.
Then that's when you started yelling.
We're gonna take a short break.
That guy's going home with more than a note.
Come here, Marcel.
Sit here.
I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet.
By my sixth date with Paolo, he'd already named both my breasts.
Did I just share too much? Just a smidge.
David's, like, a scientist guy.
He's very methodical.
-I think it's romantic.
-Me too! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman? He's kind of like the guy I went to see that with.
Except he's smarter and gentler and sweeter.
I just wanna be with him all the time.
You know, day and night.
And night and day.
And special occasions.
I see.
You're gonna ask him to New Year's.
-She's gonna break the pact.
-No! No, no.
No.
Yeah, could I just? -Yeah.
I already asked Janice.
-What? This was a pact! This was your pact! I couldn't handle the pressure.
I snapped! But that was the worst breakup in history! I'm not saying it was a good idea.
I snapped! Hi, sorry I'm late.
Too many jokes.
Must mock Joey.
Nice shoes, huh? God, you're killing me! Ross, he's playing with my spatulas again! -He's not gonna hurt them, right? -Do you always have to bring him? I didn't wanna leave him alone.
We had our first fight this morning.
It has to do with my working late.
I said some things that I didn't mean.
He threw some feces.
If you're working late, I can look in on him.
That would be great! But make sure it seems like you're there to see him.
You're not doing it for me.
Okay.
But if he asks, I'm not going to lie.
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