She'll ruin me! What's going on? Oh, it's Maris.
She saw the picture of us today, and she's determined to take it out on Mel.
Yes.
She's telling everyone that I caused her weight gain by nicking her thyroid during a neck tuck.
I've already had three cancellations.
She never thinks about anybody but herself.
Daphne, get me a cup of tea.
Actually, I have a bit of a headache.
Oh, you could be coming down with something.
Wash your hands first.
NILES: Darling, you have got to calm down.
Your shoulders are so tense.
Oh, you know, Daphne gives a wonderful massage.
That might be just the thing for you.
Actually, I was planning on taking a nap.
Oh, good, so you're not busy.
Shall we do it in your room? Look, you two run along.
I'll take care of the tea.
I really appreciate this, Daphne.
You're welcome, Dr.
Crane.
Hey, Niles.
What? Guess what your brother's doing.
Pressing his new blazer? Yeah.
Against a stripper.
What? Yes! He's interviewing her in his room for Donny's bachelor party, but don't tell Daphne.
And how exactly do you interview a stripper? I don't know, but I bet there's a real show going on in there.
If you keep the gun in its holster until the very end, you see, that way your act has, you know, more, uh impact, shall we say.
Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Men seem to like my act the way it is.
Oh, well, I certainly can't tell you about attracting men, but I do know a thing or two about showmanship.
Tell me, uh, what sort of encore do you have? I don't have an encore.
Trust me.
With this act, we're going to need one.
Um, I have an idea.
Well, Mel's all set up with Daphne.
Oh, well, maybe we ought to tell Frasier this is a good time to get that stripper out of here.
Dad? Oh, Fras, okay, coast is clear.
Everything's fine.
Not exactly.
How did that happen? Lord of the Dance here decided I needed an encore.
Well, I assumed you had the key.
I never use them! Oh all right, we'll just have to cut them off.
All right, well, come on in here.
I'm Niles.
Now, you might come to a point where it feels like you can't take it anymore.
I call that "phase one.
" (Mel groans) Are you sure you know what you're doing? I know exactly what I'm doing.
(yells) Oh.
Just relax.
Oh, this is all Maris' fault.
You know, she actually called me and said she'd lay off if I'd stop seeing him.
What'd you say? Well, I hung up on her.
How insane is this woman? She thinks I'd give up Niles to protect my practice? I'm crazy about him.
The way he laughs, the way he gets that little glint in his eye when he's about to say something clever But you know what I love the most? It's like there are all these things that he could be if he could just trust someone enough to help him unlock it all, and if I could be that person-- you know, that safe person in his life-- well, the more I know him the more I know that's all I want to be.
Daphne? Oh Oh! This isn't working, Dad.
There's only one thing left to do.
Well, I got to warn you.
I'm not as good a shot as I used to be, but you'll have to go out on the balcony.
I need a cup of coffee to steady my nerves! Dad! I meant, go to a locksmith.
Oh, thank God.
All right, let's go.
Come on.
Oh, wait, hold on.
I have to put something on.
(doorbell rings) Wait, wait, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
It's Maris! At least I think it is.
You need a bigger peephole.
What on earth isshedoing here? I have no idea, but we can't let her anywhere near Mel, especially now that Maris has the weight advantage.
(pounding on door) What are we going to do? Take her into Frasier's room.
FRASIER: Wait, wait! I can't been seen like this.
She'll blab it all over town.
Get in the bathroom! Right.
I'll call you when she leaves.
Thank you, Niles.
You know, seeing as how we have a-a minute or two here, I may as well take this opportunity to end the suspense.
You've got the job.
I've got a little news for you, too.
Hmm? I've been on the clock since you slapped the cuffs on me.
Fair enough.
Ooh.
It's freezing in here.
Oh, uh, yes, here, let me I seem to remember doing this back in my college days at a fraternity hazing.
Here you are.
Oh here you go.
Yeah.
(clears throat) Thank you.
It's hand-stitched.
MARTIN: Frasier, come on out.
All right, we're out of here.
My God! Have you seen Maris?! Yes, Dad, I know.
Did Niles calm her down? Yeah, he took her to your room but he had to butter her up a little.
I was afraid that narrow doorway might pose a problem.
(shrieks) Frasier! Regan.
Hello.
(nervous chuckle) Uh, listen, uh, I'm sorry about this afternoon, um Oh, forget about that.
It was no big deal.
By the way, uh, I was wondering if you'd be available to Oh, Lord.
Oh! (sighs) Gosh no need to be embarrassed about that, you know? I do that sort of thing all the time.
Say, uh you were saying? Uh Yeah, just, uh let me get all this cleaned up first.
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