Why did I ever decide to redecorate my bathroom? They give you about After a while, you can't even tell the colors apart.
Roz, perhaps my discerning decorator's eye could be of some assistance.
Let me see here.
This one's Ecru, that's Eggshell and this, of course, is Navajo white.
Very good, Frasier.
Now, let's see how you do on the color side.
You know, Roz, I do hope you don't spend your entire vacation redecorating, you know.
You should get out, you know, have some fun, maybe take a cruise.
You don't want to stay in your apartment cooped up with a bunch of sweaty workmen.
Bon voyage.
Thank you, and don't worry.
Chuck Ranberg said he'd take over Absolutely not, Roz.
The man's speech impediment made me giggle all week long.
Show a little compassion.
Oh, come on.
You try dealing with a call screener who says, "Dr.
Cwane, we have a kweptomaniac on line thwee.
" Well, who do you want to use? Actually, I was thinking of reaching out to the community.
You know, I was guest speaker last month at a program called Second Start.
They offer career training to people who are stuck in tedious, low-paying jobs, and, uh, well, I thought I'd give the job to one of those students.
That's a great idea, Frasier.
It sounds like a great program.
Oh, dear, there's Chuck Ranberg.
Roz, you've got to tell him he doesn't have the job.
Why can't you tell him? I'm sorry.
I can't hear the man speak without descending into giggles.
Oh, you are such a child.
Roz, just Hi, guys.
Hey, Chuck, how's it going? Oh, tewible, Woz.
My wife was in the cawibbean and she weft me for a wastafawian.
FRASIER: You know, we have a couple of minutes, before the show, so listen, tell me a little bit about yourself.
How did you get interested in broadcasting? Well, after I got laid off from the bakery, I guess I had some free time, so I took a few different night school courses, and when I got to the one in radio, it all clicked.
Oh, well, now, isn't that funny.
You know, I had almost exactly the same experience.
I first discovered psychiatry in Dr.
Bagely's epidemiology seminar at Harvard.
Except I bet you didn't walk through a metal detector to get to class.
No, no, but you know, I did have to pass under a dangerously unbalanced portrait of Alfred Adler in the rotunda.
We are practically separated at birth.
Oh, ten seconds, Mary.
Here we go.
I'm so nervous.
I don't know what to do.
Oh, you'll be fine.
Just relax.
Okay.
Hello, Seattle.
This is Dr.
Frasier Crane, and I'm listening.
I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce someone who's going to bring her own flavor to the show this week while Roz is gone.
Say hello to Mary Thomas.
It's great to have you with us, Mary.
You know, we want to get right to your calls, folks, so we'll be right back after this.
Mary, uh I should mention that you should feel free to speak on the air.
You know, Roz often chimes in from time to time.
Oh, I can't believe I messed up so quickly.
No, no, no, not at all, not at all.
Promise me you'll speak up when it feels right.
I will.
Okay, great.
I'm sure you have excellent instincts.
Five seconds.
Right.
And we're back.
All right, Mary, who's our first caller? Maria.
Uh, she's 36 years old.
Married five years, and her husband's been staying late at the office so he can be with his secretary.
That's the way to do it.
I mean, uh I Sorry, Maria.
Uh, I'm listening.
Oh, hi, Dr.
Crane.
Anyway, he's having an affair and it's not his first.
This has been going on since we were newlyweds.
How do I get him to change? Well, Maria, you, of course, know that it's impossible to force anyone to change, but you can work to change yourself.
Usually women who tolerate this sort of behavior from their husbands are suffering from low self-esteem issues.
Now, you may need some counseling to resolve those issues.
Let me ask May I say something? Yes.
Maria, Dr.
Crane is right.
You must make a change.
And the first thing you change is the lock on your front door.
What? Oh, listen, there's plenty of time for counselors, but at 6:00, locksmiths start charging extra so you get on it, girlfriend.
You know, my Grandpa Willie used to say, "Nothing stops a man from playing the field faster than a night out on the lawn.
" Okay? Okay.
Oh, thank you, Grandpa Willie.
Look'ee here, Tony, you're 35 years old.
Now, your parents only had you for the first 18, so if you want to start blaming someone, maybe you need to blame yourself.
Okay? Okay.
Actually, chronic rage problems usually stem from Oh, Dr.
Crane, we're all out of time.
So we are.
Well, then, this is Dr.
Frasier Crane saying good-bye, Seattle and good mental health.
And tune in tomorrow! Hello, Daphne.
Well, Dr.
Crane, you're in a good mood today.
Hm-mmm.
After six long weeks, I have finally received my yellow belt.
Well, aren't you lucky.
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