I'm calling you by your instrument name so as to avoid confusion.
Oh, well, I have a question about measure 34.
Aha.
I thought you might.
Yes, you see, I've accelerated the tempo there in order to depict the yearning of the superego.
Very perceptive of you to spot that.
No, I meant, are these eighth notes or what? Yes, eighth notes.
Anyone else? Yes, Timpani? You just answered my question.
Not Tiffany.
Timpani.
What are we rehearsing this for? Are we going to record it? Yes.
We are waiting for the final go-ahead from my station manager, and then we will be recording it.
Yes.
Anyone else? Yes actor.
I'm just wondering how my monologue is going to be audible over all these instruments.
Oh, that's a good point, Niles.
You may be seated.
It is imperative that everyone play pianissimo during the spoken portions, very, very softly.
That applies particularly to brass and timpani.
Why me? To the drums, Tiffany.
Oh, Dad, Daphne! I'm so glad you came.
Well, after all, it is the world premiere of your theme song.
I don't have to search you two for any hidden recording devices, do I? The last thing I need is some bootleg CDs flooding the marketplace.
Boy, you really got everything here.
Oh, it's not a time for stinting, Dad.
I've got everything from the African rainstick to the Javanese tam-tam.
Are the tam-tams the long ones with the cream in the middle? Oh, Kenny! Kenny, I'm so glad you made it.
Listen, I think you're in for a bit of surprise.
Well, I got tell you, I don't surprise easily whoa.
Our little ensemble.
So many musicians.
All working on a weekend.
Oh, now, listen.
I realize we are a bit over budget I promise, I will pick up the difference myself.
All right, the time has come to unveil my magnum opus.
Just let me do a little fine-tuning on the opening fanfare.
Uh, brass, if you will, please.
In four, the first measure.
(playing fanfare) (fanfare ends) Well, you see, that's-that's fine as far as it goes, but this time I want you to do it with a bit more grandeur-- with some majesty and a soupcon of awe.
(playing fanfare exactly as before) There, you see? That's what good conducting can do, yes? All right, everyone, the time we've been waiting for is at hand.
And with a simple bow of thanks to the muse Calliope, let us begin.
And (trumpets playing fanfare) (orchestra playing) Whom can you turn to for prompt diagnosis? Of fetish or fantasy Sex or psychosis? No problem at all, let us handle your call CHOIR: On our show, on our show Bring us your traumas, your latent neurosis: Erectile dysfunction Bed-wetting narcosis There's no need for shame, you can use a false name On our show, on our show Who dares enter the dark labyrinth of the human mind? (high-pitched whine) What festering secrets are buried in the recesses of the subconscious? (chiming) Lurid images (ringing) Lewd desires (whistles) Guilty pleasures strange compulsions (squawks) The whole catalogue of human behavior from the aberrant to the monstrous lurks behind a locked door to which one man holds the key! (gong resounding) So if you are stymied to find a prognosis And ask yourself, just like Freud,"Himmel, vas los ist?" Stop scratching your head and let us cure it instead CHOIR: On our show, on our show Now here is the man to explain The tortured terrain of your brain The man who feels everyone's pain: Dr.
Crane! Dr.
Crane! Frasier Crane! (dings) Way to go, Leon! Well, Kenny, what's your reaction? Wow.
Takes your breath away, doesn't it? Wow.
I thought as much, and in anticipation of your approval, I had the forethought to order in a little bubbly.
Niles, if you would help me, please.
(laughing): You were wonderful! Thank you.
The trombone frightened me.
Wow.
That was sure something, wasn't it? I'll say.
Sort of like Gilbert and Sullivan-- only frightening.
A little jingle, that's all we wanted.
Ten seconds to start the show.
Maybe Frasier can cut this down.
He gives me harps and drums and people speaking German.
All we wanted was a simple little jingle.
Probably more like the one you came up with.
Tell him yours, Mr.
Crane.
No, no, no.
It was nothing.
I can't even remember how it goes.
Well, I do.
How are you? I'm listen It doesn't go likethat.
Well, then, you sing it, Mr.
Crane.
Well, all right.
But, you know, it's really nothing.
What's new? I'm listenin' Feelin' blue? I'm listenin' Feelin' sad, feelin' mad Feelin' bad, feelin' glad? I'm listenin'.
That's exactly the kind of thing we're looking for! You know, it sets the mood.
It-it says it all.
Did that just pop into you head? Hardly.
It was gut-wrenching, but, you know, it's nice to know that I made it look easy.
No, no, no.
I'm talking about your dad's little jingle.
Dad's? Yeah, yeah, yeah, he just sang it.
It's exactly the type of thing we need.
You know, simple, catchy.
You know, we ought to just use that one.
FRASIER: No, no, no.
Kenny, no.
No, if simple is what you wanted, you should've just said so.
I thought I did.
Obviously not.
Now that I know what you want, well, there's nothing easier.
Of course I can write simple.
I promise you, it'll be something far more memorable than what my dad came up with.
Well, I don't know.
I remember it.
What's new? I'm listenin' (choir joins in): Feel blue? I'm listenin' Feelin' sad, feelin' mad Feelin' bad, feelin' glad? I'm listenin'.
You're off the clock! (playing ornate, classical-sounding music) (speeding up) (playing "Row, Row, Row Your Boat") Hi, Fras.
How's it going? "Merrily, merrily.
" Well, now, it's getting kind of late.
Maybe you should call it a night, huh? Dad, you heard Kenny.
I have to come up with something as simple as yours by Monday.
By the way, thanks, once again for completely upstaging me today.
Oh, come on.
I'm sorry I stole your thunder, but it's not like I did it on purpose.
I know, I know.
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