" Cure for cancer.
Won't they be green with envy when I trump them with this little story about my life? Frasier Crane, unattached, unemployed and living with his father.
He spends his days scrubbing his oven and is anxiously awaiting his upcoming tooth-cleaning.
Now, now, Frasier, everyone has ups and downs.
You know, for all we know, that cure for cancer didn't pan out either.
One can only hope, Dad.
I'll bet if you went in there with a sunny attitude, you'd have a good time.
You know, I tried sunny last time.
You know where it got me? Table 97, singing "Goodbye, My Coney Island Baby" with the Check Mates.
- Maybe this time will be different.
- That's the mistake I always make.
Thinking this year, it'll be different.
That I can beat the curse.
That's what the curse does.
It makes you think you can beat it, but you can't.
I'm sorry, Roz.
I apologize.
I will make this up to you someday.
Right now, I am going to go down to the store and run a little errand for my friend, Eddie.
Tonight, I'll be coming back home and spending the evening with Daphne, doing some light housework and listening to my brand-new book on tape: Depression, Anxiety and Death.
As read by the author himself, Stanislav Monk.
Now who's cursed? Excuse me, sir, there's a place to recycle those cans right over there.
Oh, I know.
On behalf of Mother Earth, I thank you.
That's the sort of person that drinks chocolate soda.
Come on, gotcha.
Frasier Crane? Yes.
Percy Williams.
Well, good to see you.
Suppose you're on your way to the reunion.
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Couldn't make it this year myself.
Little too much on my plate.
Things have gotten crazy.
I can see that.
Well, I heard you weren't on the radio.
Oh, you did? You know, my wife heads up a charity that helps get homeless people back on their feet.
Yes, I know.
The Boot Strap Foundation.
It's very popular in my circle.
You should call them.
They could help you.
Me? You know, this is very funny.
The shopping cart, the dog food.
I'm afraid you're suffering from the wrong impression.
Dog food? Oh, it's not mine.
It's my father's.
Call them, Frasier.
No, no.
Really, you're mistaken.
I'm not homeless.
I live in that luxury building right there, Number 1901.
- Frasier, please, take this.
- I don't need it.
I drive a BMW.
I collect African art.
You always were a proud one.
- I'm not proud.
- Then take it.
And for God's sakes, spend it on food.
I just threw out a $200 belt.
Hey, how was the police auction? You didn't miss anything, especially once it started raining.
I made out like a bandit.
Oh, look at this.
Those drug lords have the most incredible taste.
Christofle silver, Limoges, Orrefors crystal.
If I ever get married again, I'm going to register there.
- Hello, all.
- Hey.
- I thought you were staying home.
- Yes, well, not anymore.
I ran into Percy Williams down at the grocery store.
He mistook me for a street person.
If I don't go down there and defend myself, he'll be passing around that rumour along with the Swedish meatballs.
I'm glad you're going, Dr.
Crane.
You'll have a nice time and you look great.
Thank you.
You have no idea how big you owe me.
Yes, I do, Roz.
I will never ask you for another favour again except, could you do something with your hair? It seems to be leaning.
Frasier, when you called, I was in the tub with a pint of Häagen-Dazs.
Considering that was 15 minutes ago, I think I look pretty good.
And I appreciate it, Roz.
I really do.
Daphne, could you please help Roz getting finished? - I'm finished.
- No, no, no.
Finish more.
Come on.
- And remember what I told you.
- Oh, yeah, right.
I'm a model-slash-doctor-slash- daughter of the duke of Luxembourg.
Yeah, come along, Your Grace.
Frasier? Are you so desperate that you're trying to impress these people by having Roz pretend to be some sort of trophy girlfriend? Trophy duchess.
Niles, it's the only way to beat the curse.
You could beat the curse by not going.
I tried that, Niles.
You see where it got me.
The curse found a way to humiliate me in absentia.
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