- But, Dr Campbell - Unless the rest of that sentence is: "I have a fully cooked turkey" in the breast pocket of that blazer, I'm afraid our conversation is at an end.
Muah! [TIMER DINGS] CAMPBELL: This is indeed a very special holiday for us all.
Pamela, Cynthia, I'm particularly grateful that finally you've been able to set aside your differences and join us in this Thanksgiving tortellini.
Well, as angry as I was that you admitted Regan into Marbury instead of our Wesley, it's all worked out for the best.
Wesley is thriving at the Barkley School.
I'm delighted to hear it.
Oh, I have a dusty bottle of Chateau Lafitte in the cellar waiting for an occasion like this.
Well This is nice.
Yes, it is.
[DOORBELL CHIMES] - I'll get it.
- I'll get it.
- Hello.
- Hello, is Dr Campbell in? Yes, he's just gone to the cellar to get a bottle of wine.
Don't mean to intrude, but we heard he was having trouble with his turkey, thought we'd drop this by.
Oh, how very generous of you.
Please, come in.
- Oh, thank you.
- Look, everyone, friends of Colin's - have brought us a turkey.
- Well, I think "friends" is probably stretching it just a tad.
You see, our son was a candidate for Marbury, and in our zeal to see him accepted, we may have come on a bit strongly.
Yes.
Well, I mean, I'm sure you understand, as parents yourselves.
It's only natural to wish the very best for your son.
- Oh, absolutely.
- There are other good schools.
- Barkley is excellent.
- Yes.
Well, thank you very much for trying to cheer us up.
But I mean, really, if you're looking for a filet mignon, you can hardly swallow ground chuck.
Now, now.
Barkley is a very charming little school.
- "Little school"? - Now, don't be so sensitive.
- Damn your condescension.
- Damn your jealousy! - Don't talk to my wife that way! - Oh, shut up, Elliot.
Don't you talk to my husband that way! [CONFUSED CHATTER] Quiet! We brought a turkey.
I don't know how this started.
I can only be sure it started with the two of you.
- Actually, we - I will die a happy man if I never set eyes on either of you again.
Unfortunately, there's only one way I can think of to ensure that.
Your son Frederick is hereby admitted to the Marbury School.
However, he will be immediately expelled if either of you violates any of the following conditions: You will not bring him to school.
You will not collect him.
You will not attend any recitals, plays, sporting events or school functions up to and including Frederick Crane Day, should we ever have one.
And when graduation comes, you will dispatch an appropriate envoy with a video camera.
And now it is with great pleasure - that I bid you goodbye forever.
- Allow me.
BOTH: We're in.
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