- No, no.
No, wait.
You haven't heard the bad part yet.
She was ugly, doc.
I mean, coyote ugly.
My own dad.
And the best excuse he could come up with was: "Hey, you don't look at the mantel when you're poking the fire.
" Hey! I just got that.
I just keep thinking back to that time when Dad made us try Little League.
I'll never forget the humiliation of getting up to bat for the first time in my life, hearing the other team all cry out: "Move in, everybody.
Crane's up.
" But they moved back out again after you took your first swing.
Only because the bat flew out of my hands.
You worry too much.
Your co-workers aren't expecting you to play brilliantly.
No, I can live with playing badly in front of my co-workers.
It's Frederick I'm worried about.
He's still at that age where he thinks his father can do anything.
Every child, at some point, must discover - that his father is not a superhero.
- I know.
It's a healthy part of the developmental process.
I know someday he's gonna have to learn that I'm not perfect.
It's just I was hoping it might be something less humiliating, like seeing me fast-dance at a family wedding.
- You consider that less humiliating? - Well Hello.
Look who's here.
You two have fun while I was at work? - Yes.
- Oh, yes.
We went to the amusement park.
We had a lovely time.
Only, I think the Ferris wheel scared him a bit.
He spent the whole ride hugging me for dear life.
Really.
Her hair smells like strawberry.
It smells like peach blossoms, lavender and vanilla.
From over here, at least.
Uncle Niles, are you coming to watch my dad play in the softball game? - He's the best one on the team.
- Well, of course I am, Freddie.
I'll be there sitting right between you and Daphne.
Well, come on, Frederick.
Let's go get some hot chocolate.
FREDERICK: Okay.
- So you see the problem.
- I certainly do.
No, that's your problem.
My problem is that I promised Frederick I would play on Saturday.
Guess I'm left with only one choice.
- You're gonna fake an injury? - No, course not.
- I've got to learn how to play softball.
- In two days? Well, back in college, when Stu Oberfeld got sick, I learned the role of Mercutio in a day and a half.
I was brilliant.
In the duelling scene, the audience was on the edge of their seats.
Yes, and they were under them when the sword flew out of your hands.
FRASIER: Gee, Dad, I wanna thank you for helping me out with this.
MARTIN: Don't mention it.
We're gonna whip you right into shape.
It must have been disappointing I never took any interest in this sort of thing as a kid.
MARTIN: Well, I understood.
Guess it's a little complex I must have developed when I was growing up.
The doorbell would ring, I'd run to answer it, and then there'd be the neighbourhood kids with their baseball gloves and their bats, looking for somebody else to join their game.
They'd say, "Hey, can your dad come out and play?" Well, never mind that.
You know, it's kind of fun to finally be out here.
At the risk of sounding like Stanley cornering Blanche DuBois in Streetcar, we've had this date with each other from the very beginning.
I knew you'd ruin it.
All right, come on.
Put your helmet on.
FRASIER: Gee, it's kind of tight.
- Well, it's supposed to.
It stops you from getting hurt.
MARTIN: Okay? Here, all right.
There you go.
Now take your bat, get into the stance, just like I told you.
I'm gonna turn the machine on.
The good thing about these balls is that they're all at the same level, so you can work on your form and your timing.
All right? Okay, now, here we go.
Ah! What is that? A pitching machine or a particle accelerator? All right, all right.
I'll crank it down to a lower setting.
Okay, now, just remember, left elbow in, right elbow up, knees bent.
All the weight on the balls of your feet, okay? Now, just step into the pitch.
Oh, yeah, and swing the bat.
Dad, can't you just slow it down a little bit? All right, but if any of the other fathers come back here, I'm taking it off the peewee setting.
Okay.
All right.
Now, from the hips.
Nice and easy.
Don't try to kill it.
Just try to make contact.
Okay, you ready? Ready.
What are you looking at? Dad, they're looking at me.
Get out of here.
Go on.
Buzz off! FRASIER: Did you hear that? Hear that? I touched it that time.
I did.
No, it didn't.
That was my knee cracking.
You're doing a lot better, though.
Six in a row without hitting yourself in the kidney on your follow-through.
FRASIER: Who am I kidding? This is hopeless.
Oh, well.
Well, why don't we just try changing bats.
I couldn't hit it if I had a sofa cushion.
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