I sure hope you don't take a bite out of the other side.
Did you ever see anything sadder than this? No, I can't say that I have.
[DOORBELL RINGS] Oh, that will be Dr Crane.
He said he was gonna bring his dog over.
Oh, not that four-legged Maris.
Dad, please.
Don't call it that in front of him.
He has no idea.
How could he not? It acts like Maris, it barks like Maris.
Aside from the fact that it eats now and then, they're dead ringers.
DAPHNE: Hello.
NILES: Hello, Daphne.
- Hello, all.
- Niles.
I heard Eddie was down, and I thought a playmate might cheer him up.
So voila.
Well, I appreciate the offer, Niles, but I already tried it in the park with real dogs, and it didn't work.
Well, you'll change your tune when you see my girl turn on her charm.
All right, come on, girl.
And go to Eddie.
Go to Eddie.
Okay.
Do your stuff.
That's it.
Oh, oh, I can see her magic working already.
No, girl, come back here.
Girl? Come back here this instant.
Okay.
Oh, Eddie, it's breaking my heart seeing you like this.
How would a nice big batch of Grammy Moon's sugar biscuits sound? Do you believe he can understand a word you're saying? Hey, I read somewhere dogs can understand up to 400 words.
Now, a supersmart dog like Eddie probably knows 1,000.
- Oh, really, Dad? - Yes, really.
Eddie understands more than you give him credit for.
Yeah, why, just yesterday I said, "Eddie, I've lost my keys.
" And he looked up at me - Eddie.
- Eddie.
Yackety yackety.
Yadda yadda yadda yadda.
Eddie.
Yadda yadda yadda yadda.
DAPHNE: Eddie.
Eddie.
Eddie.
Eddie.
FRASIER: Eddie.
FRASIER: Understanding anything other than the simple fact of his name or a grunt.
Well, the crisis has passed.
She just needed a little rest.
Fortunately, I remembered to bring her sleep mask.
- How's Eddie? - Worse.
I'm afraid we're gonna have to call in one of those dog psychiatrists.
- Dad, you can't be serious.
- Well, I'm desperate.
- We tried everything else.
- A dog psychiatrist? Honestly, Dad, they are the very definition of charlatanism.
You simply cannot apply the principles of human psychology - to animal behaviour.
- Precisely.
Animals operate out of instinct, whereas human beings can reason.
- Yes.
- They can cogitate.
NILES: Yes.
Therefore, a human being, through analytical psychotherapy, can [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] Dad.
Dad.
Dad, yadda yadda FRASIER: Well, it's the intrinsic value in, what, Gestalt therapy and Thank you for staying with us through the first commercial break.
We're talking to Alice, who has a case of the blues today.
In order to help her through it, I am relating a story from my own life.
Any questions so far, Alice? ALICE: Well, I was wondering, what happened to Roz and the gynaecologist? Well, since Frasier did tell the most embarrassing part of the story, something kind of funny did happen.
Oh, my God, you're kidding.
You were at Camp Lakeridge too? - What years were you there? FRASIER: Roz.
Roz.
We are trying to help this woman.
We don't have time for your pointless tangents.
Anyway, my father finally got his way and made an appointment with a dog psychiatrist, who insisted that the entire household be present for the first session.
MARTIN: What's keeping this guy? He should have been here by now.
Perhaps he's been detained by his fear-of-fetching group.
[DOORBELL RINGS] All right, now, you two cut it out! - Hello, I'm Dr Arnold Shaw.
- Hi, doc.
Marty Crane.
Come on in, please.
This is Daphne Moon and my sons, Frasier and Niles.
FRASIER: How do you do? - And this, of course, is the patient.
I don't suppose my father told you, but my brother and I happen to be psychiatrists.
Oh, how nice.
I always enjoy being in the company of colleagues.
I'm sorry.
Did you say "colleagues" or "collies"? Oh, it's just a joke.
It's very clever.
Very clever.
Well, shall? Shall we begin? Hello, Eddie.
I'm Dr Shaw.
And I'm here to get to know you and help you get better.
You're very sad, aren't you? It's okay to be sad.
Sometimes I'm sad too.
We're gonna spend the next hour trying to figure out why you're sad.
When you give a dog an hour, you can bill him for seven.
I'm sorry.
I get the feeling that some of us aren't taking this seriously.
Look, I apologize.
This all just seems a bit silly.
Oh, really? Silly? I'll have you know I just attended the funeral of one Buttons McFarland, whose owners felt the same way.
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